One Last Wank And One Last Cry
Kunt And The Gang

I had a dream about a baby the other nightnAnd that baby had a beard which just didn't seem rightnUntil I realised that it was our Lord Jesus ChristnAnd he said: Kunt, what are you doing with your life?nI said: I'm making people happynHe said: You're making Jesus sadnI said: I'm only wanking off my cocknHe said: That's really badnnJESUS: The only place you're meant to do your mucknIs up a lady's cracknLook, it says here in the BiblenIt's a motherfucking fact.nAnd make sure it's within wedlocknOr I'll have to cast a cursenNot with some rotter behind the Co-op binsnThat makes it even worsenAnd you have to say 'I love you'nOr I'll cry tears of bloodnAnd jump into your bed while you're at worknI'll fart and then draw mud.nnKUNT: So, let's this straightnI've got to stop whacking off?nAnd he said: Right awaynI said: My new wank mag's coming tomorrownHe said: You'd better stop todaynOr you'll never get to HeavennAnd live up in the skynI'll send you to Hell where the Devil will sticknPins down your jap's eyennKUNT: But can't I have one last wank and one last cry?nBefore I say goodbye?nOne last wank and one last crynBefore I say goodbye?nnJesus said: Seeing as it's younI'll let you do it one last timenThink of all the birds you touch yourself aboutnWank and say goodbyenSo I pulled my pants and trousers downnAnd then I got to worknI thought of all those ladiesnAs I had my final jerk:nThe Saturday girl up the newsagentsnGod, she's really fitnAnd Mum's friend, Aunty SusannThe one with great big titsnThe weather girl off GMTVnAnd of course, Lorraine KellynI think about touching her front bottomnAnd getting my finger's smellynCarol Vorderman, the love of my lifenAnd then there's my mate Jim's ex-wifenAnd Sonia in the juniorsnWho got her fanny out under the desknAnd then there's bit in 'The Lady in Red'nWhen Kelly Le Brock jumps out of bednWore the 'Pause' button out of my remote controlnTrying to get a glimpse of her holenAnd while my member's standing proudnI have a quick think about Girls AloudnBut not the ginger one, she's waftynIt's enough to make you crynTears of sadness, tears of joynMilky tears from my old boynI'm about to do my beans intonAn old sports sock for one last timennI'll have one last wank and one last cry?nBefore I say goodbyenOne last wank and one last crynBefore I say goodbyennThen I woke up with a stiffynIt'd all been a dreamnSo I thought I'll have a wank thennJust for a starternBut as I went to touch my penisnIt felt really sorenI looked down and my helmet had stigmata

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Lyrics by Kunt And The Gang

A Cup of Tea A Semi-on With a Drop of Pre-cum Air Hostess All I Want For Christmas Is You (To Bring Me Off) Arranged Bride Back and Forth Carol Vorderman Chips or Tits Come On Cliff, Admit You're Queer Dee (The Oldest Groupie) Detox My Cock Doctor Fox Ex-Girlfriend Feminine Itch Fred and Rose Fucksticks Gentleman's Wash Have A Wank I Shit My Pants I'm Gonna Lick You Out I've Had My Last Wank For England If You Don't Like This Song You're A Fucking Cunt Jesus (Baby With a Beard) Just Can't Get Enough Kunt Comfort Let's Go Commando Little Kunt's Song (Flabby Cunt Lips) Make Sure That She's Rank Men With Beards (What Are They Hiding?) My Mum Found My Wank Mags Perverts on the Internet Princess Di (I'll Wank And I Will Cry) Pubes Santa's Sack Shaven Haven Sit Down Wee Soapy Tit Wank The Birds and the Bees The Bloke Up The Garage Fucked a Sheep The Illegal Download Song The Two Finger Test The Worst Thing In The World This Christmas Use My Arse As A Cunt Wank the Dog Wanking Over a Pornographic Polaroid of an Ex-Girl... You're a Pervert Young Girl

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