When I came home the other daynMy Mum couldn't look me in the eyenWhen I checked under my bednI found the reason whynMy pile of rhythm magazinesnWas nowhere to be seennI found them in the wheelie binnWith an empty can of Mr. SheennnCHORUS:nMy Mum found my wank magsnNow she thinks I'm vilenMy Mum found my wank magsnI had a massive pilenMy eyesight is failing, I've got hairs on my handsnAll because I can't stop playing with my glandsnnMy Mum was so very upsetnIt must have broke her heartnTo know her little soldier lookednAt pictures of women with their legs apartnMy first issue of 'Razzle'nWas ripped up into shredsnAnd underneath a can of beansnWas the bird from 'Baywatch' giving head