Freaky Tales [Beat]
Too $hort

These are the tales, the freaky tales
The tales that I tell so well
These are the tales, the freaky tales
These are the tales, the freaky tales
The tales that I tell so well

I met this girl, her name was Joan
She loved the way I rocked the microphone
When I met Joan, I took her home
She was just like a doggy all on my bone
I met another girl, her name was Ann
All she wanted was to freak with a man
When I met Ann, I soaked her pans
We ended up freakin' by garbage can
The next young freak I met was Red
I took her to the house and she gave me head
She likes to freak was all she said
We jumped in the sheets and we broke my bed
There's another girl, her name is Mary
Talked about sex and the girl acted scary
I heard she was freakin' for my homeboy Jerry
Took her to the house and I popped that cherry
Young and tender, sweet Denise
Get her in the bed and the girl's a beast
I tell you, homeboy, if you get a piece
She only talks about signin' a lease
I met this tender, her name was Lori
And a X-rated movie wouldn't tell her story
She had a twin sister, her name was Lisa
And just like Lori, she's a real dick pleaser
My girlfriend's name was Michelle,
Her booty was bigger than a tale on a whale
When i freaked Michelle, I freaked her well
Her pussy got hotter than flames in hell
I G'd this girl, her name was Tammy
I didn't want to do it cause the bitch was flammy
She had a best friend, her name was Jane
I pulled to the side and I spitted that game
I met a lot of freaks in my lifespan
Freaked one night with a girl named Pam
The very next day I saw her with her man
One week passed and I was in her again
I had an old tender, her name was Janine
She was thirty-two and I was only eighteen
She likes to freak, she's just a fiend
It really didn't matter when I saw her in jeans
I want to big freak, fat and sloppy
I kick on back and I watch her mouth
Two tons of fun, big mama jama
A country-girl from Alabama
I met this girl, her name was Betty
Her pussy got wet and it smelled like death
I was tired as hell, I was drippin' sweat
But I was all up in her tryin' to hold my breath
Bake and shake us, I met this freak in Vegas
She said her name was Donna
She was a built little freak from China
I said I don't pimp or gigolo
I'm havin' so much money that I don't need a hoe
You can break yourself but you can't break me
You never met a player like $hort, baby
I knew a dick sucker named Betty-Jo
Took her to my home and we did it on the floor
The girl got freaky and I tell you more
She was down on her knees beggin' to blow
She's like another freak named Rene
You get her alone and she'll make your day
Like Burger King, she knows the play
But a freak like Rene, you can have it your way

These are the tales, the freaky tales
These are the tales that I tell so well
These are the tales, the freaky tales
These are the tales that I tell so well

I met this girl, thick as hell
Only sixteen, said her name was Linell
I took her to my house, I could not wait
Her shit was much tighter than Central Safe
Let me tell you this since we talkin' young
I met another girl, said her name was Yvonne
Always talkin' about havin' fun
Once again in the bed I got it goin' on
I'm Sir Too $hort, couldn't be no punk
I try to get funky like female funk
So when you see me comin' or see me goin'
I keep my money, let the hoes keep throwin'
I once met a tender, she did it for free
On the Foothill bust number forty-three
All the way on the back she was workin' me
Had my big beatbox and I was jammin' the beat
I met this freak named aunt Winell
Macked on the baby like an ice-cold vet
Everythin' she had is what I get
Cause I'm Too $hort, baby, I don't play that shit
I met another freak, her name was Rita
Baby thought that $hort just might eat her
I told her like this, she can suck my peter
Or even go home cause I knew I didn't need her
Scratched her name off my telephone book
Never again I took a second look
Cause the next young freak, her name was Sharon
She kept lookin', well, I kept stairin'
Her booty was stuffed in the jeans she was wearin'
She never left, she cutted out
I know you all know what I'm talkin' about
There's a freak named Shannon, such a sinner
She smokes that pipe and she's gettin' thinner
Shannon is cool but her mind is gone
One fat rock and it's goin' on
She had another buddy, came by my place
Thick ass bitch, said her name was Grace
She walked in the door wearin' a lace
You shoulda seen that look that was on my face
She's like this tender named Belinda
Homeboys call her Belinda the Blender
She gave head like she made it up
She was twenty years old with a big round butt
Had a girl slick like olive oil
Her father was rich and the girl was spoiled
When she got mad he blood would boil
But I rapped her all up like aluminum foil

These are the tales, the freaky tales
These are the tales that I tell so well
These are the tales, the freaky tales
These are the tales that I tell so well

Shockedy life, Friday night, it's goin' on Too $hort
Three weeks ago I met this freak
She followed me around like Mary's sheep
I hitted around the corner and when she came
I grabbed her by the arm and I asked her name
She said it was Anita and her man's in Santa Rita
I took her to my home and homeboy, I geed her
Set her on the way the very next way
Playboy $hort was ready to play
I bumped to this girl, her name was Roseann
We hitted the motel and got it goin' on
Holiday Inn to the break of dawn
When I took baby home, I freaked her mom
I knew this tender named Sherrie
I took her to the house and let her freak on me
Baby was a fan, she loved my beat
But I wouldn't raise my leg to let her kiss my feet
I met this freak named Yolanda
Rolled baby doll like a brand new Honda
I was on top and she was up under
The bed hitted the wall and it sounded like thunder
I once had a date with girl named Kitty
She was so fine with big fat tiddies
All night long she was actin' shitty
So i macked on baby like I was Frank Nitti
There's another girl, her name is Rose
I use to roll baby like brand new Volv's
I never saw Rose wearin' clothes
She's a pimp house pet, ready to pose
I was ridin' down the street when I met Janet
Her booty was bigger than the whole damn planet
Ass everywhere, I just can't stand it
Tried to poem it but I could not manage
I had this freak, her name was Bunny
Said I was the only man who ever called her honey
Everythin' I did to her was funny
I macked on bunny and I took her money
Eight tonight a date with Shirlie
She was really short and her hair was curly
If you saw baby you liked this girlie
She was so fine I went to get her early
Shirlie was freakin' like a girl named Rachel
Her bite was vicious and it sure was fatal
She liked to kiss all on my navel
Those are her lips on top of my label
I knew another freak, her name was Candy
Real big lips and they came in handy
I smooth got worked and it was so dandy
I hooked the brood up with my homeboy Randy
He did me a favor in return
Gave me a lizard, said her name was Laverne
Baby got tossed and I got it on
I grabbed the microphone and started to sing my song
My young homeboy heard me rap
And said he had way more freaks than that
So I told him like this, they might be freakin'
But, boy, you never had that T-P-Treatment


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Lyrics by Too $hort

  'Life Is... Too Short' (LP Version)   16 Hoes   19,999   2 Bitches   Ain't No Bitches   Ain't Nothin' But A Word To Me   Ain't Nothing Like Pimpin'   Ain't Nuthin Like Pimpin   All My Bitches Are Gone   All The Time   Analyze The Game   Anything Is Possible   B***H   Baby D   Bad Ways   Badwayz: Don't Trust Her   Baller   Be My Dirty Love   Bitch I'm A Pimp   Bitch Sucks Dick   Blow Job Betty   Blow the Whistle   Blow the Whistle [Clean]   Blow the Whistle [Instrumental]   Blowjob Betty   Bonus Track   Bossy   Bossy   Bossy   Bossy   Bossy [Radio Edit]   Broke Bitch   Burn Rubber   Burn Rubber Pt. 2   Burn Rubber Pt.2   Buy You Some   Cali-O   Cali-O - B-Legit   Califorina Girls   California Girls   Call Her A Bitch   Call It Gangster   Call Me   Call Me Daddy   Can I Get A -----   Can I Get A Bitch   Can I Hit It   Can't Stay Away   Can't Stay Away (Outro)   Can't Stop   Candy Paint   Candy Paint - MC Breed   Candy Paint (feat. MC Breed)   Chase The Cat   Choosin'   City Of Dope   Cocktails   Cocktales   Cocktales   Coke Dealers   Comin' Up $hort   Coming Up $hort   Coming up Short   Couldn't Be A Better Player   Cuss Words   Cusswords   Dead Or Alive   Domestic Violence   Domestic Violence (feat. E-40)   Don't Act Like That   Don't Even Stop   Don't Ever Give Up   Don't Ever Stop   Don't Fight The Feelin'   Don't Fight The Feeling   Don't Fight The Intro   Don't Fuck For Free   Don't Hate The Player   Don't Stop Rappin'   Don't Trust Her   Dope Fiend Beat   Double Header   Dum Ditty Dum   Every Time   Everytime   F.U.C.K.Y.O.U.   Female Funk   Female Players   Fire   Fire (feat. Eric Sermon)   Freaky Tales   From Here To New York   Fuck My Car   Funk Session   Game   Gangstas & Strippers   Get In Where You Fit In   Get It   Get Low   Get Off The Stage   Get That Cheese   Gettin' It   Girl   Girl (Cocaine) That's Your Life   Givin up The Funk   Giving Up The Funk   Good Life   Gotta Get Some Lovin'   Hard On A Bitch   Hard On The Boulevard   Here We Go   Here We Go (J.D. Remix)   Here We Go (Lil' Jon Remix)   Here We Go [Jermaine Dupri Remix]   Hey, Let's Go   Hey, Let's Go - Devin the Dude   Hobo Hoeing   Hoes   Hoochie   Hotel   Hotel   How Does It Feel   I Ain't Nothin but a Dog   I Ain't Nothin' But A Dog   I Ain't Trippin   I Don't Stop Rappin   I Know You Love Her   I Know You Love Her (feat. Slink Capone)   I Like It   I Love   I Love Tequila   I Luv   I Luv (Featuring Trick Daddy, Scarface And Daz)   I Must Confess   I Need A Freak   I Wanna Pimp You Hoe   I Want to Be Free   I Want To Be Free (That's The Truth)   I Want Your Girl   I'm A Playa   I'm A Player   I'm A Stop   I'm Pimpin'   I'm Wit It   Im Trippin   In The Oaktown   In The Studio   In The Trunk   Independence Day [Instrumental]   Intro: Shorty The Pimp   Invasion Of The Flat Booty Bitches   Invasion Of The Flat Booty Bitches (erick Sermon R...   It Ain't Over   It Don't Stop   It's a Cold Day   It's A Cold Day (The Funk Wit U Mix)   It's About That Money   It's About That Money (Bonus Track)   It's All Good   It's Alright   It's Time To Go   It's Your Life   Just Anotha Day   Just Another Day   Just Like Dope   Keep Bouncin' (Street)   Keep Fuckin' Me   Kobe Bryant   Late Night Creep   Late Nite Creep   Lead the Way   Leave It Alone   Life Is 2009   Life Is Too $hort   Life Is...Too Short   Life Is..Too Short   Life's Too Short   Little Girls   Lollypops   Longevity   Looking For a Baller   Looking For A Dollar   Mack Attack   Mack Attack [*]   Married To The Game   Money In The Ghetto   Money Maker   Money on the Floor   More Freaky Tales   Movin in Your Chucks   My Dick, My Sack   Nasty Rhymes   Nation Riders   Nation Riders Anthem   Never Talk Down   No Love From Oakland   Nobody Does It Better   Nothing Feels Better   Oakland   Oakland Style   Oakland, California   Old Fashioned Way   Old School   Only The Strong Survive   Partytime   Paula & Janet   Paula Janet   Paystyle   Pimp Life   Pimp Me   Pimp On   Pimp Sh*t   Pimp Shit   Pimp The Ho   Pimpandho.Com   Pimpin' Forever   Pimpology   Playa   Playboy $hort   Playboy Short   Playboy Short II   Player For Life   Players   Players Holiday   Porno Bitch   Pull Them Panties Down   Punk Bitch   Quit Hatin' Pt. 1   Rap Like Me   Real Niggaz   Recognize Game   Rhymes   Ride Wit Us   Sadity   Sample The Funk   Set Up   Shake It Baby   Shake That Monkey   She Know   She Loves Her   Shittin' On 'Em   Short But Funky   Short Dog's In The House   Short Rap   Short Short   Slink Capone: Nation Riders   So Watcha Sayin'   So You Want to Be a Gangster   Somethin to Ride To   Something To Ride To   Sophisticated   Step Daddy   Still Strugglin'   Strip Down   Survivin' The Game   T.W.D.Y. - Player's Holiday   Take My Bitch   Take Your   Take Your [DVD]   Take Your [DVD]   Tell The Feds   Thangs Change   That's How It Goes Down   That's Why   Thats Right   The Bitch Sucks Dick   The Dangerous Crew   The Ghetto   The Invasion of the Flat Booty Bitches   The Old Fashioned Way   These Are the Tales   This How We Eat   This Is How We Eat (feat. The Eastsiders, Big Tigg...   This My One   Top Down   Triple X   U Stank   Way Too Real   We Do This   What Happened To The Groupies   What She Gonna Do   What She Gonna Do?   What The Fuck   What's A Pimp?   Where They At?   Wild Wild West   Wild, Wild West   Yo Neck Yo Back   Yo Neck, Yo Back, My Dick, And My Sack   You Can't Fuck With Us   You Know What I Mean   You Might Get G'eed   You Nasty   Your Sister

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