Virgil And The Moonshot
Ray Stevens

Well, old Virgil always was a clown,


Dumbest man in our hometown


But somehow, he got hired out at the NASA base


Then one day, against all the rules


While cleanin' up a space capsule


He closed the hatch and started playing 'man in space'




He put a space suit on and sat right down


Started flippin' switches and messin' around


A siren started blastin' and a green light was flashin'


ready


Hoses were snappin' and gas was going whoosh


And Virgil just had to give that button a push


And son-of-a-gun, he was gone like Richard Petty


Vrroom, Oooh....Ma-Maaaaa!!




(Chorus)


Hello, Houston, we got a problem


Get Gladys on the phone


Somebody tell her where I'm at


And how long I'll be gone


Remind her she needs to feed my dogs


Milk the cow and slop them hogs


Hello, Houston, we got a problem


How y'all gonna git' me back home? Huh?




Well, we saw it right there on TV


My wife, my kids, the dog and me


On a broadcast from outer space on the evening news


Oh, Virgil wasn't havin' any fun


He'd run down the batteries in his Star Wars gun


And was turning green in various shades and hues




He said, Boys you better get me down quick


'Cause I'm afraid I'm gonna be sick


And I don't think that I can take much more of this


Lord, all I do is float around


Half the time I think I'm upside down, ya know


I need to throw up but I don't know where up is!




(Bridge)


Hello, Redneck One, Redneck One, this is mission


control


Stand by, Virgil, we're about to execute your re-


entry...


Execute me? Lord have mercy


Couldn't you just dock me a couple of days' pay?



Ohh, here we go again!


(Mama plays turnaround)




(Chorus)


Hello, Houston, we got a problem


I think we got a flat tire


I just looked out that little round window


And the whole capsule's afire


Everything's shakin' and burnin' hot


If you're gonna execute me, I'd just as soon be shot!


Hello, Houston we got a problem


I'm droppin' like a fallin' star




Well, give NASA credit, they got him back


And of course, he was immediately sacked


And we were all amazed at the fame Virgil's ride had


brought


But ole Virgil knew just how to work it


'Cause next thing you know he's on the talk show


circuit


Billin' himself as the redneck astronaut




(Chorus)


Hello, Oprah, we got a problem


Montel's on the other phone


Yeah, he wants to book me, too


So does 20/20 and Jenny Jones


Now, I'm sure that we can work it out in time


Just have your people talk to mine


Hello, Oprah, I gotta go now


Sixty Minutes is on the phone




(Recite during fade)


Hey, Sixty Minutes, yeah! Aw, I'd love to, but you


know I gotta' have that first segment- and Mike Wallace


has gotta' host it! Uh-huh, well o.k. Fine then! We'll


give it to Dateline. Uh-huh, what's that? Aww, well


that's more like it! Yeah, well I kinda thought you'd


see it my way. I mean after all, it does make sense


don't it? Space suit? Yeah, I got a space suit. Well,


it's not a real space suit, but you can't tell the


difference from three feet away. Gladys made it fer me.


Yeah, she's got one of them sewin' machines that does


all that fancy stuff.


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Lyrics by Ray Stevens

  \   A Handshake Will Do   Ahab The Arab   Ahab The Arab Popeye and Olive Oil   All the Way   Along Came Jones   America, Communicate With Me   Bad Little Boy   Ballad Of The Blue Cyclone   Be Your Own Best Friend   Blue Christmas   Bridget the Midget   Bridget The Midget (The Queen Of The Blues)   Chickie-Chickie Wah Wah   Cholly Wolly Chang Chang   Come to the U.S.A.   Cow-Cow Boogie   Dear Andy Griffith   Erik the Awful   Everything Is Beautiful   Family Funeral Fight   Five More Steps   Fly Over Country   Freddie Feelgood   Freddie Feelgood (And His Funky Little Five Piece ...   Funny Man   Further More   Gitarzan   Hang Up and Drive   Harry the Hairy Ape   Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas   Hearts Made Of Stone   Hello Mama   Help Me Make It Through The Night   Hermit Named Dave   High School Yearbook   Hugo The Human Cannonball   I hear our President talkin   I Need Your Help, Barry Manilow   I Saw Elvis In A U.F.O.   I'll Be Home For Christmas   I'm My Own Grandpa   I'm My Own Grandpaw   I'm My Own Grandpa   If 10% Is Good Enough For Jesus   If Ten Percent Is Good Enough For Jesus   Indian Love Call   Irish Builder   It's Been So Long   It's Me Again Margaret   It's Me Again, Margaret   It's Me Again Margaret   Jack Daniels You Lied To Me Again   Jambalaya   Jeremiah Peabody's Polyunsaturated Quick-Dissolvin...   Jingle Bells   Julius Played the Trumpet   Kings And Queens   Kiss A Pig   Kitty Cat's Revenge   Knock Him Out John   Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow   Little by Little   Little Egypt   Makin' The Best Of A Bad Situation   Makin' The Best Of A Bad Situation   Mama Sang Bass   Marion Michael Morrison   Midnight In Baghdad   Missippi Squirel Revival   Mississippi Squirrel Revival   Mississippi Squirrel Revival (1985)   Misty   Moonlight Special   Mr Businessman   Mr. Businessman   My Dad   Nashville   Nightmare Before Christmas   Obama Nation   Osama Yo Mama   Osama Yo' Mama (Alternate Version)   Osama-Yo-Mama   Over the Rainbow   Pfc Rhythm and Blues Jones   Purple People Eater   Rang Tang Ding Dong I'm The Japanese Sandman   Rock and Roll Show   Rockin' Boppin' Waltz   Safe at Home   Sant Claus Is Watching You   Santa Claus Is Watching You   Santa Claus Is Watching You   Santa Clause Is Watching You   Saturday Night at the Movie   Scratch My Back (I Love It)   Sergeant Preston Of The Yukon   Sgt Preston Of The Yukon   She Belongs To Me   She Came in Through the Bathroom Window   Shriner's Convention   Shriner's Convention (1980)   Shriner's Convention   Silver Bracelet   Sittin' Up with the Dead   Sittin' Up With The Dead   Solar Powered Song   Southern Air   Speed Ball   Stand Up   Sunday Mornin' Comin' Down   Sunday Mornin' Comin' Down   Sunday Morning Comin' Down   Surfin' U. S. S. R.   Surfin' U. S. S. R.   Thank You   That's What She Means To Me   The Ballad of the Blue Cyclone   The Ballad of the Blue Cyclone (The Beginning)   The Ballad of the Blue Cyclone (The End?)   The Baptism of Stumpy Brown   The Battle Of New Orleans   The Camping Trip   The Cat Song   The Deoderant Song   The Deodorant Song   The Fool on the Hill   The Global Warming Song   The Haircut Song   The Mississippi Squirell Revival   The Pirate Song   The Preacher And The Bear   The Streak   The Streak (1974)   The Tender Trap   There Must Be A Pill For This   Three Fractured Factions   Throw The Bums Out   Too Drunk to Fish   Turn Your Radio On   Unwind   Vacation Bible School   Walkin' the Dog   We Are The Government   We The People   What Would I Do Without You   Who Do You Love?   Would Jesus Wear a Rolex   Xerox Xmas Letter   Yakety Yak   You Are So Beautiful   Young Love   Your Bozo's Back Again   Your Bozo's Back Again

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