Shriner's Convention
Ray Stevens

Here they come down main street

Drums a flailin' and the sirens a wailin', what a roar!

Bands are a playin' and flags are a wavin'

And the Vanguards and Motorcycle Corps


Clowns are a clownin' to the crowd

And pinchin' every pretty girl who dares to smile

It's a glorious mess, everybody wears a fez

The parade stretches out for a mile


It's a typical American phenomenon

Where all the members have a fine old time

It's the Forty-Third Annual Convention

Of the Grand Mystic Royal Order

Of the Nobles of the Ali Baba Temple of the Shrine


Meanwhile, back at the motel


Operator, give me room 321, please

Hello, Noble Lumpkin?

This here is the illustrious Potentate

I said it's the illustrious Potentate

The illustrious, Coy!


Dad blame it! This here's Bubba!

Coy, why are'nt you at the parade?

What? Well, how'd you get that big Harley

Up there in your room?


What? I can't hear ya' Coy!

Quit revvin' it up, boy! Turn it off!

Listen, I just want you to know one thing

You have embarrassed us all, the whole Hahira delegation!


Now I'll see you at the banquet tonight, son

And you be there Coy, you hear me?

Black tie! Seven o'clock! Be there Coy!

And Coy, don't answer the phone, 'udden udden!


Well, it was all arranged by the Ladies Auxiliary

In the downtown Convention hall

Cold roast beef, string beans, mashed potatoes

And nine boring speeches in all


And all the tables looked fine with their Mogen David wine

And Chrysanthemums on each side

And the Hahira leaders in their rented tuxedos

Made the local hearts swell with pride


It's a typical American phenomenon

Where all the members have a fine old time

It's the Forty-Third Annual Convention

Of the Grand Mystic Royal Order

Of the Nobles of the Ali Baba Temple of the Shrine


Meanwhile, back at the motel


Operator, 321, please? Thank You!

Hello, Coy? What are you doin'?

What do you mean, who is this?

This is Bubba? Why wasn't you at the banquet?


What do you mean all you had to wear

Was a Hawaiian flowerdy shirt?

Well, you may think you're foolin' some people

But I know what's goin' on


Yeah, everybody seen the little redhead

That's right, everybody!

Why she come runnin' through the dinner

Right in the middle of the pineapple sherbet


Didn't have nothin' on but your fez, Coy!

Coy, you the only one who's got a fez with a propeller on top!

Yeah, yeah and she was a yellin' out the secret code too, Coy

We gonna have to change it now, Coy! Dad, blame it, Coy!


We gonna have to have a special meetin', we get back to Hahira

About your conduct at this year convention! Embarrassin'!

Now Coy, you be at the secret conclave tonight, you hear me?

And Coy, keep it a secret! Huh!


Well, it was a secret meeting in the dead of the night

With mysterious sanctimony

In accordance with prescribed

Rituals of time honored ceremony


Matters of grave concern

Were weighed with dedicated caution

Like whether or not to raise at stud

Or draw or spit in the ocean


It's a typical American phenomenon

Where all the members have a fine old time

It's the Forty-Third Annual Convention

Of the Grand Mystic Royal Order

Of the Nobles of the Ali Baba Temple of the Shrine


Meanwhile, back at the motel


Operator, room 320

How, How'd you know?

Oh! Hello Coy! Where have you been?

No, you wasn't at the meeting!


Well, I found out that at three o'clock this mornin'

You was out there, in your fruit of the looms

In the motel swimmin' pool with a bunch

Of them waitresses from the Cocktail Lounge!


I just hope Charlene don't find out about this, Coy!

What? Well, how'd you get that big motorcycle

Up there on the high dive, Coy?

Now Coy, Dad blame it, that ain't no way to act


We supposed to be pillars of the community

When we get back to Hahira, you can just turn in your ring

And your tie tack 'cause Coy, hehe, you are out of the shrine!

You gonna be blackballed, Coy! That's right!


You may have to pack your bags and leave town!

What do you mean, you might join the Hell's Angels?

Coy! Don't you hang up on me!

Don't you crank that motorcycle!


Who's that gigglin' in the background, Coy?

Hello, hello operator! Yeah, we's cut off! Room 321

Coy! Don't you hang up on the illustrious Potentate!

I said the illustrious Potentate!

This is Bubba! Bubba! Coy! Coy!


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Lyrics by Ray Stevens

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