Shriner's Convention
Ray Stevens

Here they come down main street

Drums a flailin' and the sirens a wailin', what a roar!

Bands are a playin' and flags are a wavin'

And the Vanguards and Motorcycle Corps

Clowns are a clownin' to the crowd

And pinchin' every pretty girl who dares to smile

It's a glorious mess, everybody wears a fez

The parade stretches out for a mile

It's a typical American phenomenon

Where all the members have a fine old time

It's the Forty-Third Annual Convention

Of the Grand Mystic Royal Order

Of the Nobles of the Ali Baba Temple of the Shrine

Meanwhile, back at the motel

Operator, give me room 321, please

Hello, Noble Lumpkin?

This here is the illustrious Potentate

I said it's the illustrious Potentate

The illustrious, Coy!

Dad blame it! This here's Bubba!

Coy, why are'nt you at the parade?

What? Well, how'd you get that big Harley

Up there in your room?

What? I can't hear ya' Coy!

Quit revvin' it up, boy! Turn it off!

Listen, I just want you to know one thing

You have embarrassed us all, the whole Hahira delegation!

Now I'll see you at the banquet tonight, son

And you be there Coy, you hear me?

Black tie! Seven o'clock! Be there Coy!

And Coy, don't answer the phone, 'udden udden!

Well, it was all arranged by the Ladies Auxiliary

In the downtown Convention hall

Cold roast beef, string beans, mashed potatoes

And nine boring speeches in all

And all the tables looked fine with their Mogen David wine

And Chrysanthemums on each side

And the Hahira leaders in their rented tuxedos

Made the local hearts swell with pride

It's a typical American phenomenon

Where all the members have a fine old time

It's the Forty-Third Annual Convention

Of the Grand Mystic Royal Order

Of the Nobles of the Ali Baba Temple of the Shrine

Meanwhile, back at the motel

Operator, 321, please? Thank You!

Hello, Coy? What are you doin'?

What do you mean, who is this?

This is Bubba? Why wasn't you at the banquet?

What do you mean all you had to wear

Was a Hawaiian flowerdy shirt?

Well, you may think you're foolin' some people

But I know what's goin' on

Yeah, everybody seen the little redhead

That's right, everybody!

Why she come runnin' through the dinner

Right in the middle of the pineapple sherbet

Didn't have nothin' on but your fez, Coy!

Coy, you the only one who's got a fez with a propeller on top!

Yeah, yeah and she was a yellin' out the secret code too, Coy

We gonna have to change it now, Coy! Dad, blame it, Coy!

We gonna have to have a special meetin', we get back to Hahira

About your conduct at this year convention! Embarrassin'!

Now Coy, you be at the secret conclave tonight, you hear me?

And Coy, keep it a secret! Huh!

Well, it was a secret meeting in the dead of the night

With mysterious sanctimony

In accordance with prescribed

Rituals of time honored ceremony

Matters of grave concern

Were weighed with dedicated caution

Like whether or not to raise at stud

Or draw or spit in the ocean

It's a typical American phenomenon

Where all the members have a fine old time

It's the Forty-Third Annual Convention

Of the Grand Mystic Royal Order

Of the Nobles of the Ali Baba Temple of the Shrine

Meanwhile, back at the motel

Operator, room 320

How, How'd you know?

Oh! Hello Coy! Where have you been?

No, you wasn't at the meeting!

Well, I found out that at three o'clock this mornin'

You was out there, in your fruit of the looms

In the motel swimmin' pool with a bunch

Of them waitresses from the Cocktail Lounge!

I just hope Charlene don't find out about this, Coy!

What? Well, how'd you get that big motorcycle

Up there on the high dive, Coy?

Now Coy, Dad blame it, that ain't no way to act

We supposed to be pillars of the community

When we get back to Hahira, you can just turn in your ring

And your tie tack 'cause Coy, hehe, you are out of the shrine!

You gonna be blackballed, Coy! That's right!

You may have to pack your bags and leave town!

What do you mean, you might join the Hell's Angels?

Coy! Don't you hang up on me!

Don't you crank that motorcycle!

Who's that gigglin' in the background, Coy?

Hello, hello operator! Yeah, we's cut off! Room 321

Coy! Don't you hang up on the illustrious Potentate!

I said the illustrious Potentate!

This is Bubba! Bubba! Coy! Coy!


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Lyrics by Ray Stevens

  \   A Handshake Will Do   Ahab The Arab   Ahab The Arab Popeye and Olive Oil   All the Way   Along Came Jones   America, Communicate With Me   Bad Little Boy   Ballad Of The Blue Cyclone   Be Your Own Best Friend   Blue Christmas   Bridget the Midget   Bridget The Midget (The Queen Of The Blues)   Chickie-Chickie Wah Wah   Cholly Wolly Chang Chang   Come to the U.S.A.   Cow-Cow Boogie   Dear Andy Griffith   Erik the Awful   Everything Is Beautiful   Family Funeral Fight   Five More Steps   Fly Over Country   Freddie Feelgood   Freddie Feelgood (And His Funky Little Five Piece ...   Funny Man   Further More   Gitarzan   Hang Up and Drive   Harry the Hairy Ape   Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas   Hearts Made Of Stone   Hello Mama   Help Me Make It Through The Night   Hermit Named Dave   High School Yearbook   Hugo The Human Cannonball   I hear our President talkin   I Need Your Help, Barry Manilow   I Saw Elvis In A U.F.O.   I'll Be Home For Christmas   I'm My Own Grandpa   I'm My Own Grandpaw   I'm My Own Grandpa   If 10% Is Good Enough For Jesus   If Ten Percent Is Good Enough For Jesus   Indian Love Call   Irish Builder   It's Been So Long   It's Me Again Margaret   It's Me Again, Margaret   It's Me Again Margaret   Jack Daniels You Lied To Me Again   Jambalaya   Jeremiah Peabody's Polyunsaturated Quick-Dissolvin...   Jingle Bells   Julius Played the Trumpet   Kings And Queens   Kiss A Pig   Kitty Cat's Revenge   Knock Him Out John   Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow   Little by Little   Little Egypt   Makin' The Best Of A Bad Situation   Makin' The Best Of A Bad Situation   Mama Sang Bass   Marion Michael Morrison   Midnight In Baghdad   Missippi Squirel Revival   Mississippi Squirrel Revival   Mississippi Squirrel Revival (1985)   Misty   Moonlight Special   Mr Businessman   Mr. Businessman   My Dad   Nashville   Nightmare Before Christmas   Obama Nation   Osama Yo Mama   Osama Yo' Mama (Alternate Version)   Osama-Yo-Mama   Over the Rainbow   Pfc Rhythm and Blues Jones   Purple People Eater   Rang Tang Ding Dong I'm The Japanese Sandman   Rock and Roll Show   Rockin' Boppin' Waltz   Safe at Home   Sant Claus Is Watching You   Santa Claus Is Watching You   Santa Claus Is Watching You   Santa Clause Is Watching You   Saturday Night at the Movie   Scratch My Back (I Love It)   Sergeant Preston Of The Yukon   Sgt Preston Of The Yukon   She Belongs To Me   She Came in Through the Bathroom Window   Shriner's Convention (1980)   Shriner's Convention   Silver Bracelet   Sittin' Up with the Dead   Sittin' Up With The Dead   Solar Powered Song   Southern Air   Speed Ball   Stand Up   Sunday Mornin' Comin' Down   Sunday Mornin' Comin' Down   Sunday Morning Comin' Down   Surfin' U. S. S. R.   Surfin' U. S. S. R.   Thank You   That's What She Means To Me   The Ballad of the Blue Cyclone   The Ballad of the Blue Cyclone (The Beginning)   The Ballad of the Blue Cyclone (The End?)   The Baptism of Stumpy Brown   The Battle Of New Orleans   The Camping Trip   The Cat Song   The Deoderant Song   The Deodorant Song   The Fool on the Hill   The Global Warming Song   The Haircut Song   The Mississippi Squirell Revival   The Pirate Song   The Preacher And The Bear   The Streak   The Streak (1974)   The Tender Trap   There Must Be A Pill For This   Three Fractured Factions   Throw The Bums Out   Too Drunk to Fish   Turn Your Radio On   Unwind   Vacation Bible School   Virgil And The Moonshot   Walkin' the Dog   We Are The Government   We The People   What Would I Do Without You   Who Do You Love?   Would Jesus Wear a Rolex   Xerox Xmas Letter   Yakety Yak   You Are So Beautiful   Young Love   Your Bozo's Back Again   Your Bozo's Back Again

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