Hi, John it's Mel from MeglaphonenI've been listening to your tape for the 19th timenOh that's another call - can I call younBack when I was in a band we used to sound like thisnAnd I loved your songs, they reminded me of myselfnYou sound like Air Supply meets GWARnIn a good way, Here's my other numbernCan you wait for just a sec -nThat's another call, I'll get back to younHave my girl take your informationnnHi, John it's Guy from Groan-o-phonenHeard some talk about the band and the way you singnI really think it's great - can we make anDeal with me, call me a friend, we'll be a familynYou're a talented individualnIf you sign here on the dotted line... that's goodnAnd my nephew will be your producernnYo, John it's Bill from BiddybumnWord is traveling around that you've got some tunesnWe will not be outbid -nRadio is in the bag, we own the chartnThey will not add your songnWithout checking with our promotion staffnnHi, John it's Shep from ShinolanWe really should do a lunchnQuite a tape indeed - my secretary flippednYou're a geniusnnMy name is Johnny VirgilnI play this here guitarnI play it for myselfnnCAN WE SPEAK CANDIDLY?!nnGot hands that move like clockworknA voice that carries farnGot a love for nothing elsennLET'S BE SPONTANEOUS!nnHi, Jack it's Al from A&RnYou don't really need the band they are in the waynWe only wanted you any waynSo dump the band, you are the facenYou better wise up fastnThis is not a game - we're professionalsnDid I mention that you won't be out this yearnCannot be helped - go take a vacationnOne more thing that you should knownWe're all counting on you to benOur new golden boynnLots of lives and jobs in the balancennVirgil it's Pete your presidentnCalling to congratulate you on your fine choicenYou must be very proud, so are wenI'm sure your music is terrif although I must admitnI don't listen to much of anythingnDid I mention that I used to have a band?nI have to run, been great talking to younnHi, Joe about publicitynThought about the photo op with the cripplenNo, we need a sharper hook - like a scandalnMaybe you could rape a nunnOr better still a priestnSome androgyny could be interestingnnHi, Jim it's Val from videonWho decided on your hair?nCan we cut it off?nWe'd like to see a buzz bin rotationnnMy name is Johnny VirgilnI play this here guitar...nAh fuck itnnARE YOU A PRIORITY!nnMy name is Johnny VirgilnI'm gonna be a starnIf this is how it's donennDO YOU WANT A HIT OF THIS?