The Grundy County Spitting Incident
Cledus T. Judd

Parody of Sold: The Grundy County Auction by John Michael Montgomery (R. Fagan/R.Royer), Of Music (ASCAP)/RobbRoy West Music (BMI)
New Lyrics (Skoal) by Cledus T. Judd and Chris Clark La-Po Music/Chris Clark Publishing Designee.
New Lyrics (Stoled) by Cledus T. Judd, Bruce Burch, Dan Saranana, Rich Fagen, La-Po Music (BMI)/Bruce Burch Music (SESAC), Of Music (ASCAP)/Dan Saranana Publishing Designee

Sadie, pull this car over. Let me get me a can of Skoal.

Well, we went down to the Grundy County auction
The sign said no tobaccer where we sat
My wife told me that I should spit with caution
Or else we'll all wind up in a big ol' spat

And I said hush your mouth nobody's gonna mind
If I pack my lip and ignore the sign
'Cause a little dip of Skoal never hurt no one at all
Then, I've never seen anyone get so mad
From a little bit of spit on his John Deere hat
But I spit on him once, spit on him twice
Spit Skoal on the feller in the second row
Well he turned around and nearly broke my nose
I got a big fat lip, two black eyes
Shoulda just went and dipped outside

Well, it musta been about eight or nine more minutes
Until I pulled that can of Skoal back out
And I knew when I put my fingers in it
That I'd just spit it out amongst the crowd
...Look out!

And you know I really don't care if anybody minds
A pinch 'tween your cheek and gum is not a crime
So I'll do my spittin' and to heck with the rest of y'all
Well I've never saw people gettin' so dang mad
Worst County auction they've ever had
'Cause I spit on 'em once, spit on 'em twice
Spit Skoal on the people, well I must confess
I even got a little on a lady's white dress
But in the end they got me back you see
They all took a dip and spit on me

Well, they pinned me down on the auction block
And took my Skoal away
And the town still hates to talk about
The mess that was made that day

When I said hush your mouth, nobody's gonna mind
If I pack my lip and ignore the sign
'Cause a little dip of Skoal never hurt no one at all
Well, I've never saw people gettin' so derned mad
The worst County auction they've ever had
'Cause I spit on 'em once, spit on 'em twice
Spit Skoal on the people, well I must confess
I even got a little on a lady's white dress
Shoulda swallowed my dip, swallowed my pride
Shoulda just went and spit outsiiiiiiide.

Whew!

Boy, that was horrible!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well I went down to a Music City function
Where I just heard a song that I had to howl out
My lawyers told my to proceed with caution
Or I'd make a whole lot of songwriters mad

Uh-huh

And I said
Hey John Michael Montgomery won't mind
If I take a song and make it mine all mine
Like I did so many times with old Tim McGraw's
Yeah I never heard anything sound so fine
Mind if I borrow one or two of your lines
Well I stole it once stole it twice
I STOLE it from a writer on Music Row
Well he just moved to town and he didn't know
About ASCAP, SESAC, or BMI
So he might as well kiss his song goodbye

I had my number two pencil going about a mile a minute
Till I had his ideas all written down
And I knew I really went and did it
When the police came and hauled my butt downtown

And I said
Hey John Michael Montgomery won't mind
If I steal a song and make it mine all mine
Like I did so many times with Tim McGraw's
Yeah I never heard anything sound so fine
Mind if I borrow one or two of your lines
Well I stole it once stole it twice
I STOLE that song and I must confess
When I went to court I plead no contest
Got a big fat lip and two black eyes
Never should have messed with his copyright

Yeah
I told the judge I had writers block but he hauled my butt away
And now it hurts too much to laugh about the song I stole that day

When I said
Hey John Michael Montgomery won't mind
If I steal a song and make it mine all mine
Like I did so many times with Tim McGraw
Yeah I never heard anything sound so fine
Mind if I borrow one or two of your lines
So I stole it once stole it twice
I STOLE it from a writer on Music Row
Well he just moved to town and he didn't know
About ASCAP, SESAC, or BMI
So he might as well kiss his song goodbye
(GASP)
EYE

STOLE

WHEE!!!!


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Lyrics by Cledus T. Judd

  (If I Had) Kellie Pickler's Boobs   (She's Got A Butt) Bigger Than The Beatles   1-900-Sheila   1/2   104 Amanda Street   270 Somethin'   A Night I Can't Remember   All I Want For Christmas Is Two Gold Front Teef   Bake Me A Country Ham   Breath   Breath [Multimedia Track]   Cadirac Style   Christ-Mas   Christ-Mas [*][Multimedia Track]   Christmas In Rehab   Cledus Don't Stop Eatin' for Nuthin'   Cledus T.   Cledus the Karaoke King   Cledus Went Down To Florida   Cledus' Christmas Ball   Cooter   Coronary Life   Dang It, I'm Vixen   Did I Shave My Back for This   Did I Shave My Back for This?   Don't Mess With America   Don't Serve Beans   Double D Cups   Every Bulb in the House Is Blown   Every Light In The House Is Blown   Feel Like A Pawn Star   First Redneck On The Internet   Garth Must Be Busy   Gone Funky (Parody "Gone Country" - Alan Jackson)   Gone Funky (Parody of Gone Country by Alan Jackson...   Goodbye Squirrel   Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer   Grandpa Got Runned Over By A John Deere (Bonus Tra...   Hankenstein   Hazel's Homemade Hallelujah Punch   Hell No   Hillbilly Honeymoon   Hip Hop and Honky Tonk   How Do You Milk a Cow   I Love Nascar   I Was Country When Country Wasn't Pop   I'm Going Ugly Early Tonight   I'm Not In Here For Love (Just Yer Beer)   If George Strait Starts Dancin'   If Shania Was Mine   If Shania Was Mine (Parody "Any Man Of Mine" - Sha...   If Shania Was Mine [*][Multimedia Track]   If This Is Country Music   In Another Size   Indian In-Laws   It's A Great Day To Be A Guy   It's A Great Day To Be A Guy (Parody "It's A Great...   Jackson (Alan That Is)   Just Another Day In Paradise   Just Another Day In Parodies   Katie Bar The Door   Leave You Laughin'   Let's Burn One   Let's Shoot Dove   Livin' Like John Travolta   Man Of Constant Borrow   Martie, Emily & Natalie   Martie, Emily & Natalie (The Continuing Saga Of)   Merger On Music Row   Merry Christmas From The Whole Fam Damily   Merry Christmas From the Whole Fam Damily [*]   Mindy McCready   More Beaver   Motel Californie   My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy   My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy (Parody 'She Thinks My...   My Crowd   My Voice   Natalie   New Car   One Jack Off   Only 364 Shopping Days 'Til Christmas   Paycheck Woman   Please Take The Girl   Please Take The Girl (Parody "Don't Take The Girl...   Plowboy   Polyrically Uncorrect   Psychic to the Stars   Quit Teasin' Me Ed   Refried Beans   Ricky Tidwell's Mama Is Gonna Play Football   Riding With Inmate Jerome   Santa Claus Is Watchin' You   Shade Tree Mechanic   Shania I'm Broke   She's Inflatable   Starkissed   Stephon The Alternative Lifestyle Reindeer   Stinkin' Problem   Stoled: The Copyright Infringement Incidnent   Swingin'   The Change   The House That Broke Me   Third Rock from Her Thumb   Third Rock From Her Thumb (Parody "Third Rock From...   Third Rock From Her Thumb (Parody of Third Rock Fr...   Tree's On Fire   Waitin' On Obama   Washing Airplanes   We Own The World   What the *$@# Did You Say   What the xxxx Did You Say   Where the Grass Don't Grow   Where's Your Mommy?   Wife Naggin'   Willie's Got A Big Deck   Wives Do It All the Time   Wives Do It All The Time (Parody "Girls Do It All ...   Wives Do It All The Time (Parody of Girls Do It Al...   You Have No Right To Remain Violent

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