I'm So Wasted
Adam Sandler

[Sound of crickets. Guy walks across grass]
[Joe:] Hey pal! How ya doin?
[M2:] I'm so wasted, man.
[Joe:] Yeah, you are, oh ho ho!
[M2:] Thanks man.
[Joe:] It's good party, huh?
[M2:] Oh, it's great man.
[Joe:] Hey that's some good acid, huh?
[M2:] Oh, killer man.
[Joe:] Hey, my pleasure.
[M2:] I've never been higher.
[Joe:] Oh ho, you must be freaking out.
[M2:] Acid's great man.
[Joe:] It's the best.
[M2:] Everytime I do acid man, I'm so high.
[Joe:] Yeah, oh, you must be flipping out right now.
[M2:] This is the best acid, man.
[Joe:] What are you seein, man?
[M2:] Oh, I, that cloud up there, man.
[Joe:] Whoa
[M2:] It's got a vein in it.
[Joe:] Oh-Holy Cow! Really!?
[M2:] And it's bleeding on me, man.
[Joe:] It's bleeding on ya? Well watch out!
[M2:] Look at my hand, man.
[Joe:] Yeah?
[M2:] It-It's moving, but it's not moving.
[Joe:] It's not?
[M2:] It's still there, but it looks like it's moving.
[Joe:] Hey, yeah to you it is.
[M2:] I'm so high.
[Joe:] Yeah, you must be flipping out.
[M2:] I'm flipping out off it.
[Joe:] Hallucinations, man.
[M2:] Acid..right.
[Joe:] Hey, I got some news fer ya.
[M2:] I'm seeing stuff, man.
[Joe:] Yeah, yer seeing stuff.
[M2:] RIght.
[Joe:] Well, that's what happens when you take acid, but you know what?
[M2:] What man?
[Joe:] Uhhh, that really wasn't acid.
That was just a little piece of paper I ripped off of my notebook.
[Silence]

[M2:] Wha? It's probly this weed I'm smokin', man.
[Joe:] Oh, that weed.
[M2:] That Thai bud, man.
[Joe:] Whoa.
[M2: Laughing] Everything's hilarious.
[Joe: Laughing] That's funny man. Look at that guy.
[M2: Laughing] That's funny man.
[Joe: Laughing] Look at that guy's hat man.
[M2: Laughing] Everything's funny to me, man.
[Joe:] Right. Hey, how man bones didya smoke? A few joints, man?
[M2:] I had about four.
[Joe:] Whoa, that's a lot of bones to be smokin', man.
[M2:] The whole thing's man.
[Joe:] Yeah, you sucked 'em down yerself.
[M2:] Ain't that hilarious!?
[Joe:] You didn't wanna share, didja?
[M2:] It was great stuff, man.
[Joe:] Aww, yeah, hey I got some news on that stuff too.
[M2:] Hey what man?
[Joe:] That's the stuff I sold you, right?
[M2:] Yeah, right.
[Joe:] Yeah
[M2:] It's funny, man.
[Joe:] Well, well, uh..
[M2:] I'm wasted off it, man.
[Joe:] Yeah, well that's good. You smoked it, right?
[M2:] Right.
[Joe:] Well that really wans't weed.
[Pause]
[Joe:] No it wasn't, it was pencil shavings in a bag.
[Silence]

[Joe:] Yeah.
[M2:] Well, it's probably this beer.
This beer I'm drinking, man. I must be drunk off it or something.
Ya know, I had about eighteen of them, man.
[Joe:] Whoa, oh really!?
[M2:] I'm just..wasted off 'em.
[Joe:] That's a lot of beer for a man to drink.
[M2:] Man, I gotta pea pretty soon, man.
[Joe:] You didn't dump 'em out in the woods, didja?
[M2:] No..no..no.. I drank all of them.
[Joe:] Right, yeah. I saw you..that's good. Hey didja eat today?
[M2:]No, I'm on an empty stomach.
[Joe:] Whoa, you must be ..yea.. extra buzz for you.
[M2:] ..And that's why I'm so wasted off it man, it's like I'm seeing things, man.
[Joe:] Yeah, you can hardly stand, man.
[M2:] You should take my car keys, cuz I can't drive, man.
[Joe:] Right, right.
[M2:] I can barely walk.
[Joe:] Hey man, you better open those eyes up, they're half shut.
[M2:] There's two of you, man. I can't see anymore, man, I'm blind!
[Joe:] Right.. I got the beers, huh? I'm the man, right?
[M2:] Yeah, you are the man.
[Joe:] Say it. Say I'm the man.
[M2:] Yer da man!!
[Joe:] Okay, well that beer..
[M2:] Yeah?
[Joe:] There was no alcohol in that beer.
[Pause]
[Joe:] That was non-alcoholic.
So..uhh..again, I'm gonna have to bust you on this one.
You're lying.
[Silence]

[M2: Mumbling] I'll be right back.
[Joe:] Ok, buddy, you go sober up.
[Walking different directions, gun goes off]
[Joe:] Oh my God! He killed himself! He killed himself!
[Runs over]
[Joe:] Oh my God! You killed yerself, buddy.
[M2:] Yeah, I'm dead, man.
[Joe:] Oh my, oh yer dead.
[M2:] Yeah, I'm dead, man.
[Joe:] That is awefull.
[M2:] There's a big white light and everything, man.
[Joe:] Yeah! Well you showed us all, man.
[M2:] Oh man, I'm so peaceful here man.
[Joe:] Yeah, you see anything weird, or..
[M2:] My relatives, man, a big white light, and my grandfather's there and..
[Joe:] Ooooh, I remember him, he's a good guy.
[M2:] He's still wearing the same clothes, and..
[Joe:] Hey, say hello fer me, huh?
[M2:] Hey man, Joe says hi, man.
[Joe: Chuckling] Right.
[M2:] It's yeah..My uncle's here and...
[Joe:] Right..right.. Hey I got some news for ya. This is so funny.
[M2:] Yeah? What, man?
[Joe:] Yeah, yeah, before you go, up to heaven.
The gun, you killed yerself with, that's the one I sold you, right?
[M2:] Yeah.
[Joe:] Yeah, well that was a cap gun.
So, there's no way you could have killed yourself.
[Pause]
[Joe:] Yeah, that's right, ok.. I'm going back to the party. Ok, take care.
[Walks back]

[M2: Whimpering and crying] I'm moving to a different town man.

[Four weeks later]

[Pouring drink]
[M2:] Oh this beer is great, man.
This tequila is really strong, man.
It's got a worm, and everything in it, man.
[Buffoon:] Fuckin' shit!
[M2:] All being in the sun, you're even more wasted.
Fuckin' shit is right, man!
I am totally wasted now, man.
I should maybe get an umbrella or something and go in the shade.
[Buffoon:] I know a guy who can suck his own dick.
[M2:] Yeah, I know a guy who can do that too.
He's the drummer from Molly Hatchet and one night we had two cases of Southern Comfort, man.
We were so wasted off it.
I'm serious man.


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Lyrics by Adam Sandler

  Girl   Hot Water Burn Baby   I Ran Over The Taco Bell Dog   I Will Go Back To School   Leabing Song Part II   Like A Hurricane   Masturbata   Medium Pace   Memory Lane   Mother's Day Song   Moyda   My Little Chicken   Sid & Alex   Somebody Kill Me   The Beating Of A High School Spanish Teacher   The Buffoon & The Dean Of Admissions   The Buffoon And The Valedictorian   The Chanukah Song Pt. 3   The Cheerleader   The Excited Southerner Proposes To A Girl   The Goat   The Hypnotist   The Lonesome Kicker   The Longest Pee   The Peeper   The Psychotic Legend Of Uncle Donnie   The Taliban Can   The Thanksgiving Song   Three Cheers For Ottawa (Go Leafs Go)   Welcome My Son   What The Hell Happened To Me?   Zittly Van Zittles   50 Ways To Get Bin Laden   50 Ways To Get Bin Laden   7 Foot Man   7 Foot Man   A Christmas Song   Assistant Principal's Big Day   Assistant Principal's Big Day   At A Medium Pace   At A Medium Pace   At The Mall (feat. Kevin Grady)   Baby Got Jack   Bad boy friend   Bad Boyfriend   Best Friend   Billy Madison's Victory Song   Buddy   Buddy   Buddy[Moving Train]   Bum Biddy   Calling Home   Camp Granada   Champion   Chanukah Song Part 2   Chanukah Song Part II   Chanunak Song   Cool Guy 1   Cool Guy 1   Cool Guy 2   Cool Guy 2   Cool Guy 3   Cool Guy 3   Cool Guy 4   Cool Guy 4   Cool Guy 5   Cool Guy 5   Cordurory Blues   Corduroy Blues   Crazy Love   Crazy Love   Creepin' On The Mayor   Creepin' On The Mayor   Dancin' And Pantsin'   Dancin' And Pantsin'   Davey's Song   Davey's Song   Davey's Song   Dee Wee (My Friend The Massive Idiot)   Dee Wee (My Friend the Massive Idiot)   Dip Doodle   Dip Doodle   Do It For Mama   Do It For Your Mama   Fatty mc gee   Fatty Mcgee   Fatty Mcgee   Food Innuendo Guy   Food Innuendo Guy   Food Inuendo Guy   Forgetful Lucy   Forgetful Lucy   Four year sold   Four Years Old   Frogetful   Gay Robot   George Simmons Soon Will Be Gone   Girl   Girl   Good ol' David Letterman   Grow Old With You   Grow Old With You   Hanukkah Song Part One   Hanukkah Song Part Two   Haunaka   Hot Water Burn Baby   Hot Water Burn Baby   I Ran Over The Taco Bell Dog   I Ran Over The Taco Bell Dog   I Wanna Grow Old With You   I Wanna Grow Old With You   I Will Go Back To School   I Will Go Back To School   I'm So Wasted   Inner Voice   Inner Voice   Intervention Song   Intervention Song   Joining The Cult   Joining The Cult   Kermet And Big Bird Stoned   Leabing Song Part II   Leabing Song Part II   Like A Hurricane   Like A Hurricane   Listen into the radio   Listenin' To The Radio   Listenin' To The Radio   Long Ago   Long Ago   Love Stinks   Lunchlady Land   Lunchlady Land   Masturbata   Masturbata   Medium Pace   Medium Pace   Memor lane   Memory Lane   Memory Lane   Mother's Day Song   Mother's Day Song   Mother's Day Song   Moyda   Mr. 'I Do' and the Doo Doos   Mr. Bake-o   Mr. Bake-O   Mr. Spindel's Phone Call   Mr. Spindel's Phone Call   My Little Chicken   My Little Chicken   Newlyweds, Sleepyheads   Ode to My Car   Ode to My Car   Oh Mom...   Oh Mom...   Operman   Patch Song   Pibb Goes Surfing   Pibb Needs the Hot Rocks   Pibb Takes the Mexican ATV Tour   Pibb Tries the Skateboarding   Pickin' Daisies   Pickin' Daisies   Piece Of Shit Car   Pot Head Anthem   Real Love   Red Hooded Sweatshirt   Respect   Retarded Burger King Song   Retarded Burger King Song   Right Field   Right Field   Santa Song   Santa Song   Secret   Sex Or Weight Lifting   She Comes Home To Me   She Comes Home To Me   Sid & Alex   Sid & Alex   Somebody Kill Me   Somebody Kill Me   Stan the Man   Steve Polychronopolous   Steve Polychronopolous   Stoned On Sesame Street   Summer Love   Sun Tan Lotion Song   Sweat Beatrice   Sweet Beatrice   Technical Foul   Technical Foul   Teenage Love On The Phone   Teenage Love On The Phone   Thanksgiving Song   The Adventures Of The Cow   The Adventures Of The Cow   The Amazing Willy Wanker   The Beating Of A High School Bus Driver   The Beating Of A High School Bus Driver   The Beating Of A High School Janitor   The Beating Of A High School Janitor   The Beating Of A High School Science Teacher   The Beating of a High School Science Teacher   The Beating Of A High School Spanish Teacher   The Beating Of A High School Spanish Teacher   The Beer Song   The Boss and the Secretary   The Buffoon & The Dean Of Admissions   The Buffoon & The Dean Of Admissions   The Buffoon And The Dean Of Admissions   The Buffoon And The Dean Of Admissions   The Buffoon And The Valedictorian   The Buffoon And The Valedictorian   The Champion   The Chanuka Song   The Chanukah Song   The Chanukah Song (ii)   The Chanukah Song Part II   The Chanukah Song Part III   The Chanukah Song Pt. 3   The Chanukah Song, Part 3   The Cheerleader   The Cheerleader   The Excited Southerner At A Job Interview   The Excited Southerner At A Job Interview   The Excited Southerner Gets Pulled Over   The Excited Southerner Gets Pulled Over   The Excited Southerner Meets Mel Gibson   The Excited Southerner Meets Mel Gibson   The Excited Southerner Orders A Meal   The Excited Southerner Orders A Meal   The Excited Southerner Proposes To A Girl   The Excited Southerner Proposes To A Woman   The Goat   The Goat   The Goat Song   The Grandma Song   The Hannukah Oing   The Hanukkah Song   The Hypnotist   The Hypnotist   The Kangaroo Song   The lone some kicker   The Lonesome Kicker   The Longest Pee   The Longest Pee   The Mayor of Pussytown   The Mule Session   The New Chanukah Song   The Peeper   The Peeper   The Psychotic Legend Of Uncle Donnie   The Psychotic Legend Of Uncle Donnie   The Respect Chant   The Taliban Can   The Taliban Can   The thanks giving song   The Thanksgiving Song   The Thanksgiving Song   The Thanksgiving Song Performed By Adam Sandler   Three Cheers For Ottawa (Go Leafs Go)   Three Cheers For Ottawa (Go Leafs Go)   Toll Booth Willie   Toll Booth Willie   Voodoo   Welcome My Son   Welcome My Son   What The 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Where Are You?!   Zittly Van Zittles

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