Donald: Welcome back on this glorious sunday afternoon for the final round of the Enbuary classic. The legendary Champion is now approaching the 18'th tee off with an insomauntible 8th stroke lead.
The Champion: Well let's wrap this thing up
Donald: The gallery lets the champion know what a fine three days of golf he has had. The always charming Champion is now taking time to high five a young spectator and the boy, the boy is awestruck. Haha, the gallery erupts into delight
Random person in the gallery: Go get them champ!
Donald: Yes Yes. I think it would be hard to find in any sport a champion who is as beloved as this one. And the encouraging gallery goes silent. Eight strokes ahead of the pack, the Champion slowly starts his back swing.
(Honking car horn)
Champion: Four! (Hit the golf ball.)
Donald: Oh no no! Apparently the honking horn had some sort of concentration effect on the champion's usual monstrous drive.
Champion: Is that Greag normen's kid or something?
(Gallery begins to laugh.)
Donald: The Champion shakes it off and makes some sort of humorous remark about the horn to the gallery and they eat it up.
Champion: Let's get the ball back on the field.
Donald: Yes Yes, well now the Champion, his Caddy, and the elendent gallery make their way to the Champion's ball, which is unfortunately larged next to a very thick tree route. The champion and his caddy talk it over. He;s going to play it safe and punch out with a 7 iron with a 8 stroke lead this is simply smart play by the legendary Champion. He approaches the ball.. let's watch.
Champion: Take a swing at the ball hitting the tree route in the process)
Donald: Oh,well I.. I don't think that's what the Champion had in mind when he took that swing. The ball is now 10 yards.. um into the woods after ricoshaying off the tree route, and ther's a look of pain on the Champion's face. He is shaking his hands as if to say I did not have a strong enough grip on the club when I hit the tree route, and my hands are stinging quite badly.
Champion: (Start Grunting)
Donald: The Champion is starting to mutter some obscenities about the car horn, which if you just joined us blew earlier during the champion's back swing at the 18'th tee off. Well now his caddy and friend of 25 years, Mr. Skipijankings, is doing every thing he can to get the champion's mind back on track.
Skipijankings: (Say line during: is doing every thing he can...) Forget about the car horn, let's just win this thing!
Champion: Hahah, you're right.
Donald: What wonderful veteran words of wisdom. The Champion nods in agreement, and heads into the woods to set up for his third shot which he will have to play out of a dreadfully muddy lie. He's sticking with his 7 iron closes the club face a little. He starts his swing.
Champion: (Swing at ball)
Donald: And the ball did not move, um if anything it's a little deeper in the mud.
Champion: What is this f**king quick sand?!
Donald: The Champion is now conferring with coarse marshal, David Canner.
Champion: What do I do next?
David: Gonna have to drop one.
Donald: And yes i.. it has been ruled that his ball is unplayible, he will take a drop and a one stroke penally.
Champion: (Start laughing a bit too hard as if you where drunk)
Donald: and the Champion is now laughing very hard, uh one might say a little too hard, but none of the less, he drops his new Areo Fly Ball and resumes play.
Gallery: (Start to clap)
Donald: Back with his trusty 3 wood, the Champion lines up his shot. He starts his back swing.
Champion: (Fart)
Donald: He flatuates. Stops his swing, and steps away from his ball, and whispers something too his caddy, Mr. Skipijankings.
Skipijankings: Wha? What do you mean you got to take a Shit?
Champion: I've got to shit.
Skipijankings: Finish the f**king hole, we've got to win this mother f**ker!
Random man in gallery: Jesus Christ man!
Donald: Well now the Champion is staring angrily at his caddy. He continues to star for quite some time, and then abruptly walks back to his ball; not taking much time set up at all he swings,
Champion: (Swing at the ball.)
Connects, a Smash of a hit!
Gallery: (applaud)
Donald: Starting to slice, oh no it goes directly into the center of a man-made water hazard!
Champion: You've got to be f**king kidding me!
Donald: The Champion slowly walks over to his golf bag, unzips it, and pulls out, hmm what I believe is a 16 oz silver beverage container and starts drinking in large gulps. Why don't we take this time for a word from our sponcers, and then we will return to our final round coverage of the Enbuary Classic. (Whispers: Well I have no idea what he was thinking)
ANNOUNCER GUY: What do 17 major championships, over 6 million dollars in prize money, and the complete domination of the sport of golf have in common? Two things: The Champion, and Areo Fly Balls. Areo Fly Balls, they just seem to go further. If it's good enough for the Champion, don't you think it's good enough for you.
Donald: Well welcome back to our final round coverage of the Enbuary Classic.
Random Man: (Say this during the beginning) PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON!
Champion: I'll tell you one thing. no one's f**king up me in my hole.
Donald: As we join the action,
Champion: Because thay are f**king ugly
Donald: we can see his caddy and long time friend, Mr. Skipijankings, trying to cox the Champion out of the sand trap where he is presently on his back making a snow angle.
Skipijankings: Get up! GET THE F**K UP. WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING?!
Champion: All right( get out of hole)
Donald: Well the Champion is now ceasing his softmories behavior and is climbing out of the trap onto the green.
Champion: Yee-Haw! (Charge at Skipijankings and Tackle him)
Donald: The Champion has just tackled long time friend, Mr. Skipijankings, I've never scene any thing like this.
Skipijankings: That's it! I'm getting the F**k out of here! You're f**ked up dude, you need some help!
Champion: Ya I need help f**king your wife!
Skipijankings: F**k you! (Kick the Champion very hard!) Don't you EVER TALK about my wife! I'll FUKING KILL YOU MAN!
Donald: Hear Hear! Generally Tempered, long time friend Mr. Skipijankings now storming off the forced hole, not with out hearing some expletive words hurled at him by the classless lord of the lace. Tears streaming down his face, the Champion is now alone on the green left with mainly a 12 foot put. (Police sirens are going off) Who would of thought that a horn honk could bring about such disaster and disarray in one ma's life. The Champion, now lining up his put, using the flag stick as his putter for some odd reason. He takes a few steps towards the hole, unbuckles his belt, The CHAMPION is defecating in the cup, and the gallery has scene enough! Not a moment too soon the police have arrived, and are advancing towards the champion slowly. In a last desperate act, the Champion holds the flag stick as if it were a large lance from medieval times, and runs full kilt in rage in his eyes towards the Officers.
Officers(Begin firing guns)
Donald: They Open fire. The champion has been shot. He is down on the green, he's not moving, walking inching their way towards the champion, the officer checks the champion's pulse, and signals to the other police that the Champion is sure enough dead. If you are just joining us Sunday May 7'th at 2:42 P.M. perhaps the greatest golfer of our time is diseased at age 39. My God have mercy on his sole. This has been Donald Hefington saying good day, and good golf.
The Champion
Adam Sandler
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Lyrics by Adam Sandler
Girl
Hot Water Burn Baby
I Ran Over The Taco Bell Dog
I Will Go Back To School
Leabing Song Part II
Like A Hurricane
Masturbata
Medium Pace
Memory Lane
Mother's Day Song
Moyda
My Little Chicken
Sid & Alex
Somebody Kill Me
The Beating Of A High School Spanish Teacher
The Buffoon & The Dean Of Admissions
The Buffoon And The Valedictorian
The Chanukah Song Pt. 3
The Cheerleader
The Excited Southerner Proposes To A Girl
The Goat
The Hypnotist
The Lonesome Kicker
The Longest Pee
The Peeper
The Psychotic Legend Of Uncle Donnie
The Taliban Can
The Thanksgiving Song
Three Cheers For Ottawa (Go Leafs Go)
Welcome My Son
What The Hell Happened To Me?
Zittly Van Zittles 50 Ways To Get Bin Laden 50 Ways To Get Bin Laden 7 Foot Man 7 Foot Man A Christmas Song Assistant Principal's Big Day Assistant Principal's Big Day At A Medium Pace At A Medium Pace At The Mall (feat. Kevin Grady) Baby Got Jack Bad boy friend Bad Boyfriend Best Friend Billy Madison's Victory Song Buddy Buddy Buddy[Moving Train] Bum Biddy Calling Home Camp Granada Champion Chanukah Song Part 2 Chanukah Song Part II Chanunak Song Cool Guy 1 Cool Guy 1 Cool Guy 2 Cool Guy 2 Cool Guy 3 Cool Guy 3 Cool Guy 4 Cool Guy 4 Cool Guy 5 Cool Guy 5 Cordurory Blues Corduroy Blues Crazy Love Crazy Love Creepin' On The Mayor Creepin' On The Mayor Dancin' And Pantsin' Dancin' And Pantsin' Davey's Song Davey's Song Davey's Song Dee Wee (My Friend The Massive Idiot) Dee Wee (My Friend the Massive Idiot) Dip Doodle Dip Doodle Do It For Mama Do It For Your Mama Fatty mc gee Fatty Mcgee Fatty Mcgee Food Innuendo Guy Food Innuendo Guy Food Inuendo Guy Forgetful Lucy Forgetful Lucy Four year sold Four Years Old Frogetful Gay Robot George Simmons Soon Will Be Gone Girl Girl Good ol' David Letterman Grow Old With You Grow Old With You Hanukkah Song Part One Hanukkah Song Part Two Haunaka Hot Water Burn Baby Hot Water Burn Baby I Ran Over The Taco Bell Dog I Ran Over The Taco Bell Dog I Wanna Grow Old With You I Wanna Grow Old With You I Will Go Back To School I Will Go Back To School I'm So Wasted I'm So Wasted Inner Voice Inner Voice Intervention Song Intervention Song Joining The Cult Joining The Cult Kermet And Big Bird Stoned Leabing Song Part II Leabing Song Part II Like A Hurricane Like A Hurricane Listen into the radio Listenin' To The Radio Listenin' To The Radio Long Ago Long Ago Love Stinks Lunchlady Land Lunchlady Land Masturbata Masturbata Medium Pace Medium Pace Memor lane Memory Lane Memory Lane Mother's Day Song Mother's Day Song Mother's Day Song Moyda Mr. 'I Do' and the Doo Doos Mr. Bake-o Mr. Bake-O Mr. Spindel's Phone Call Mr. Spindel's Phone Call My Little Chicken My Little Chicken Newlyweds, Sleepyheads Ode to My Car Ode to My Car Oh Mom... Oh Mom... Operman Patch Song Pibb Goes Surfing Pibb Needs the Hot Rocks Pibb Takes the Mexican ATV Tour Pibb Tries the Skateboarding Pickin' Daisies Pickin' Daisies Piece Of Shit Car Pot Head Anthem Real Love Red Hooded Sweatshirt Respect Retarded Burger King Song Retarded Burger King Song Right Field Right Field Santa Song Santa Song Secret Sex Or Weight Lifting She Comes Home To Me She Comes Home To Me Sid & Alex Sid & Alex Somebody Kill Me Somebody Kill Me Stan the Man Steve Polychronopolous Steve Polychronopolous Stoned On Sesame Street Summer Love Sun Tan Lotion Song Sweat Beatrice Sweet Beatrice Technical Foul Technical Foul Teenage Love On The Phone Teenage Love On The Phone Thanksgiving Song The Adventures Of The Cow The Adventures Of The Cow The Amazing Willy Wanker The Beating Of A High School Bus Driver The Beating Of A High School Bus Driver The Beating Of A High School Janitor The Beating Of A High School Janitor The Beating Of A High School Science Teacher The Beating of a High School Science Teacher The Beating Of A High School Spanish Teacher The Beating Of A High School Spanish Teacher The Beer Song The Boss and the Secretary The Buffoon & The Dean Of Admissions The Buffoon & The Dean Of Admissions The Buffoon And The Dean Of Admissions The Buffoon And The Dean Of Admissions The Buffoon And The Valedictorian The Buffoon And The Valedictorian The Chanuka Song The Chanukah Song The Chanukah Song (ii) The Chanukah Song Part II The Chanukah Song Part III The Chanukah Song Pt. 3 The Chanukah Song, Part 3 The Cheerleader The Cheerleader The Excited Southerner At A Job Interview The Excited Southerner At A Job Interview The Excited Southerner Gets Pulled Over The Excited Southerner Gets Pulled Over The Excited Southerner Meets Mel Gibson The Excited Southerner Meets Mel Gibson The Excited Southerner Orders A Meal The Excited Southerner Orders A Meal The Excited Southerner Proposes To A Girl The Excited Southerner Proposes To A Woman The Goat The Goat The Goat Song The Grandma Song The Hannukah Oing The Hanukkah Song The Hypnotist The Hypnotist The Kangaroo Song The lone some kicker The Lonesome Kicker The Longest Pee The Longest Pee The Mayor of Pussytown The Mule Session The New Chanukah Song The Peeper The Peeper The Psychotic Legend Of Uncle Donnie The Psychotic Legend Of Uncle Donnie The Respect Chant The Taliban Can The Taliban Can The thanks giving song The Thanksgiving Song The Thanksgiving Song The Thanksgiving Song Performed By Adam Sandler Three Cheers For Ottawa (Go Leafs Go) Three Cheers For Ottawa (Go Leafs Go) Toll Booth Willie Toll Booth Willie Voodoo Welcome My Son Welcome My Son What The Hell Happened To Me What The Hell Happened To Me? What The Hell Happened To Me? Whitey Whore! Where Are You?! Zittly Van Zittles
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