ADAM: I am a simple goat.
I live on the back of a pick-up truck.
The Old Man tied me here with a 3 ft. rope.
Am I happy?
He don't give a fuck.
OLD MAN: Hey goat!
I'm gonna beat your head in with the hickory stick!
ADAM: Sometimes he uses his fists-a.
He's filled with anger and filled with rage,
And tells me I smell like piss-a.
His drink, Jimmy Beam.
His chaser, a beer.
After that, various alchohols.
That's when the beatings get so severe,
I sleep,
I pray he falls.
But don't feel sorry for me.
Things weren't always this bad.
Why when I was a young talking goat,
The Old Man was just like my dad.
I come from the hills of Europe.
That's where I met the Old Man.
He was lost in the woods,
I gave him directions,
He gave me a tuna can.
Then he stopped in his tracks and he said,
OLD MAN: Hey goat!
ADAM: Would you like to live with me?
I got a house with a pick-up truck
In a place across D.C.-a.
I said, sure why not? I got no family. You seem like a nice guy.
So we went off to America,
The home of apple pie.
On the boat the Old Man told me,
I would be a present for his wife.
A talking goat, he exclaimed,
She's never seen this in her life!
I felt so special.
Well, I just couldn't believe it,
After all these years,
I finally had a friend.
He trimmed my beard,
He scraped my hooves,
I prayed it would never end.
But when we got to his house,
There was no wife.
Only a short, short letter.
It said : I'm leaving you for your brother
Because he fucks me better.
His eyes filled with tears of sadness.
His heart was filled with grief.
To suit himself he drank a pint of Old Grandad,
And beat me like a side of beef.
I screamed, send me back to the hills of Europe!
He just shook his head and said,
OLD MAN: Nope!
ADAM: No one will ever leave me again,
To make sure,
Put on the 3 ft. fucking rope-a.
Present-day I've been on the truck for 51 years.
My only friend is the A.M. radio.
Sometimes the neighborhood children stop by,
But it's always rocks and beer bottles that they throw.
At first they're excited to see a talking goat,
They gather 'round to hear what I have to say.
But I guess sometimes my stories go on too long,
So they leave and giggle,
I need a bidet.
But you know there was a night
That I did get off the truck,
When the Old Man was passed out drunk.
Three neighborhood kids took me to a rock and roll concert.
The kind of music?
Old school funk.
It was the first time I'd been off the truck,
The music made me lose control.
The lead singer asked if we were having fun,
I said, fucking crank that rock and roll-a!
The women at the show were beautiful,
As they danced sexily on the soft grass.
One of them even petted my fur.
Fuck me in the goat ass!
Then some long-haired guys grabbed me by the horns
And threw me in the mosh pit-a.
They passed me around and treated me nice
Til I nervously sprayed them with shit-a.
Then the music stopped.
And everything was quiet.
And all the rock and rollers started a
Fucking goat riot.
ROCK AND ROLLERS: Kill the goat!
Kill the goat!
Kill the goat!
Kill the goat!
ADAM: They chased me under the bleachers.
They chased me onto the street-a.
They chased me into an alley and said I was dead fucking goat meat-a.
But then I saw a sight,
That I'd never thought I'd see.
The Old Man swinging his hickory stick,
But he wasn't swinging at me.
OLD MAN: Fuck you pot smoking turkeys!
Don't you press your luck!
ADAM: The long-hairs ran away screaming
As I scrambled onto the truck-a.
When we got home the Old Man said, goat you broke the sacred law.
ADAM: No!
Please!
Sorry!
Shit!
I'll let it go this time,
But if you leave again,
I'll break your fucking jaw.
Super!
Great!
Okay!
Thank you Old Man for saving my life.
Thank you again and again.
You could have let them barbeque me,
But you acted like a friend.
I'm not your friend.
I don't even like you.
I'm just not drunk, he said.
To prove his point,
He drank a bottle of grain alchohol,
And beat the fucking shit out of my head.
Ow! Ow! Ow! You're hurting me Old Man.
That night I suffered a concussion,
Deep inside my goat brain.
I still cannot feel my tailbone.
And I'll probably will never walk straight again.
I guess you'd call me,
Escape goat.
A punching bag for the Old Man to mock.
Just because his wife left him,
For his brother's abnormaly large cock.
He could've been my buddy.
But instead he's a crazy old fuck.
And once again I go to sleep,
In my eternal home.......
The back of the pick-up truck.
Good night Old Man!
OLD MAN: Yeah, good night goat!
The Goat
Adam Sandler
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Lyrics by Adam Sandler
Girl
Hot Water Burn Baby
I Ran Over The Taco Bell Dog
I Will Go Back To School
Leabing Song Part II
Like A Hurricane
Masturbata
Medium Pace
Memory Lane
Mother's Day Song
Moyda
My Little Chicken
Sid & Alex
Somebody Kill Me
The Beating Of A High School Spanish Teacher
The Buffoon & The Dean Of Admissions
The Buffoon And The Valedictorian
The Chanukah Song Pt. 3
The Cheerleader
The Excited Southerner Proposes To A Girl
The Hypnotist
The Lonesome Kicker
The Longest Pee
The Peeper
The Psychotic Legend Of Uncle Donnie
The Taliban Can
The Thanksgiving Song
Three Cheers For Ottawa (Go Leafs Go)
Welcome My Son
What The Hell Happened To Me?
Zittly Van Zittles 50 Ways To Get Bin Laden 50 Ways To Get Bin Laden 7 Foot Man 7 Foot Man A Christmas Song Assistant Principal's Big Day Assistant Principal's Big Day At A Medium Pace At A Medium Pace At The Mall (feat. Kevin Grady) Baby Got Jack Bad boy friend Bad Boyfriend Best Friend Billy Madison's Victory Song Buddy Buddy Buddy[Moving Train] Bum Biddy Calling Home Camp Granada Champion Chanukah Song Part 2 Chanukah Song Part II Chanunak Song Cool Guy 1 Cool Guy 1 Cool Guy 2 Cool Guy 2 Cool Guy 3 Cool Guy 3 Cool Guy 4 Cool Guy 4 Cool Guy 5 Cool Guy 5 Cordurory Blues Corduroy Blues Crazy Love Crazy Love Creepin' On The Mayor Creepin' On The Mayor Dancin' And Pantsin' Dancin' And Pantsin' Davey's Song Davey's Song Davey's Song Dee Wee (My Friend The Massive Idiot) Dee Wee (My Friend the Massive Idiot) Dip Doodle Dip Doodle Do It For Mama Do It For Your Mama Fatty mc gee Fatty Mcgee Fatty Mcgee Food Innuendo Guy Food Innuendo Guy Food Inuendo Guy Forgetful Lucy Forgetful Lucy Four year sold Four Years Old Frogetful Gay Robot George Simmons Soon Will Be Gone Girl Girl Good ol' David Letterman Grow Old With You Grow Old With You Hanukkah Song Part One Hanukkah Song Part Two Haunaka Hot Water Burn Baby Hot Water Burn Baby I Ran Over The Taco Bell Dog I Ran Over The Taco Bell Dog I Wanna Grow Old With You I Wanna Grow Old With You I Will Go Back To School I Will Go Back To School I'm So Wasted I'm So Wasted Inner Voice Inner Voice Intervention Song Intervention Song Joining The Cult Joining The Cult Kermet And Big Bird Stoned Leabing Song Part II Leabing Song Part II Like A Hurricane Like A Hurricane Listen into the radio Listenin' To The Radio Listenin' To The Radio Long Ago Long Ago Love Stinks Lunchlady Land Lunchlady Land Masturbata Masturbata Medium Pace Medium Pace Memor lane Memory Lane Memory Lane Mother's Day Song Mother's Day Song Mother's Day Song Moyda Mr. 'I Do' and the Doo Doos Mr. Bake-o Mr. Bake-O Mr. Spindel's Phone Call Mr. Spindel's Phone Call My Little Chicken My Little Chicken Newlyweds, Sleepyheads Ode to My Car Ode to My Car Oh Mom... Oh Mom... Operman Patch Song Pibb Goes Surfing Pibb Needs the Hot Rocks Pibb Takes the Mexican ATV Tour Pibb Tries the Skateboarding Pickin' Daisies Pickin' Daisies Piece Of Shit Car Pot Head Anthem Real Love Red Hooded Sweatshirt Respect Retarded Burger King Song Retarded Burger King Song Right Field Right Field Santa Song Santa Song Secret Sex Or Weight Lifting She Comes Home To Me She Comes Home To Me Sid & Alex Sid & Alex Somebody Kill Me Somebody Kill Me Stan the Man Steve Polychronopolous Steve Polychronopolous Stoned On Sesame Street Summer Love Sun Tan Lotion Song Sweat Beatrice Sweet Beatrice Technical Foul Technical Foul Teenage Love On The Phone Teenage Love On The Phone Thanksgiving Song The Adventures Of The Cow The Adventures Of The Cow The Amazing Willy Wanker The Beating Of A High School Bus Driver The Beating Of A High School Bus Driver The Beating Of A High School Janitor The Beating Of A High School Janitor The Beating Of A High School Science Teacher The Beating of a High School Science Teacher The Beating Of A High School Spanish Teacher The Beating Of A High School Spanish Teacher The Beer Song The Boss and the Secretary The Buffoon & The Dean Of Admissions The Buffoon & The Dean Of Admissions The Buffoon And The Dean Of Admissions The Buffoon And The Dean Of Admissions The Buffoon And The Valedictorian The Buffoon And The Valedictorian The Champion The Chanuka Song The Chanukah Song The Chanukah Song (ii) The Chanukah Song Part II The Chanukah Song Part III The Chanukah Song Pt. 3 The Chanukah Song, Part 3 The Cheerleader The Cheerleader The Excited Southerner At A Job Interview The Excited Southerner At A Job Interview The Excited Southerner Gets Pulled Over The Excited Southerner Gets Pulled Over The Excited Southerner Meets Mel Gibson The Excited Southerner Meets Mel Gibson The Excited Southerner Orders A Meal The Excited Southerner Orders A Meal The Excited Southerner Proposes To A Girl The Excited Southerner Proposes To A Woman The Goat The Goat The Goat Song The Grandma Song The Hannukah Oing The Hanukkah Song The Hypnotist The Hypnotist The Kangaroo Song The lone some kicker The Lonesome Kicker The Longest Pee The Longest Pee The Mayor of Pussytown The Mule Session The New Chanukah Song The Peeper The Peeper The Psychotic Legend Of Uncle Donnie The Psychotic Legend Of Uncle Donnie The Respect Chant The Taliban Can The Taliban Can The thanks giving song The Thanksgiving Song The Thanksgiving Song The Thanksgiving Song Performed By Adam Sandler Three Cheers For Ottawa (Go Leafs Go) Three Cheers For Ottawa (Go Leafs Go) Toll Booth Willie Toll Booth Willie Voodoo Welcome My Son Welcome My Son What The Hell Happened To Me What The Hell Happened To Me? What The Hell Happened To Me? Whitey Whore! Where Are You?! Zittly Van Zittles
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