I call you from my car to say I'll be there in awhileA short plan ride and I will get to see your pretty smile.There's nothing on the radio; I'd fiddled the dialThen I see a sign: the airport is just another mileI check my bags and think about how much I hate to fly,And as I near security I almost start to cry.Well I hope the law enforcement agent's can't tell from my face,I got three balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air,'Cuz with four balloons of heroin, it's getting crowded up in there.Crowded up in there.My mind is all a-jumble and my blood is cold as ice.I dread the thought of having to unload this merchandise.Relax, I say, it's not so bad; it might be kinda nice,Besides who hasn't had a finger up there once or twice.I must remember don't leave any drugs inside the host;I did that once and a girl who tossed my salad overdosed.Well I say a little prayer Hail Maria Full Of Grace,I've got three balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air,And i swear i'm farting lines of blow into my underwear.Ooh, from my derriere.I was a little eager when I loaded up my stashFive balloons of ecstacy, six balloons of hash,Eight balloons of LSD, nine of sexy mild,A box of Chinese fireworks, a Guatemalan child.I made it to the gate and now my joy I can't contain.I board the aircraft, take my seat in the cockpit of the plane-As I taxi down the runway I get a smile on my face,And I've got three baloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.Flight crew, prepare for takeoff, as I lift us the air,And by the way does anyone want to buy a Guatemalan child.Oh, from my derriere.I got Three balloons...I got Three balloons...I got Three balloons...
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