(Spoken Intro: When I was twelve years old I used to see the pictures of mermaids in all the books and magazines. Not mermaids but mermaids (pronounced MAREmaids), that's what we called them at home. And all the pictures, yeah, they never had no bras on, they didn't have anything on! And I was old enough that I knew that they didn't really exist, but, I also wondered, if they did exist, what the hell would you do with one if you caught it?!)When I was a lad in a fishing town, an old man said to me,You can spend your life, your jolly life, a-sailing on the sea.You can search the world for pretty girls 'til your eyes grow weak and dim,But don't go swimmin' with a mermaid, son, if you don't know how to swim!'Cause her hair is green as sea-weed,Her lips are blue and pale.I'll tell you now before you start,You can love that girl with all your heart,But you'll only love the upper part;You will NOT like the tail!I signed on to a whalin' ship, and my very first day at sea,I spied a mermaid in the waves, a-reachin' out to me.Come live with me in the sea, said she, and down on the ocean's floor.I'll show you a million wond'rous sights you've never seen before!So I jumped on in and she pulled me down, down to her seaweed bed.A pillow she made of tortoise shells, and placed beneath my head.She fed me shrimp and caviar from a silvery dish.She was just my taste (down to her waist), but the rest of her was fish!Her hair was green as seaweed.Her lips were blue and pale.Her face it was a work of art,But I only gave her half my heart,'Cause tho I loved the upper part,I did NOT like the tail!And then one day when I looked up, I saw a sailin' ship,And I met the stare of a millionaire out on a fishing trip.A diamond ring he tied on a string and lowered it down to her,And my love divine, she went for the line and went for the usual lure!So I sighed in the rolling tide, and I cried to the clams and the whalesHow I missed her hair and her seagreen eyes; I missed the shine of her scales.Just then her sister swam on by, and set my heart a-whirl --For her upper part was an ugly old fish, but the bottom half was GIRL!Her toes are round and rosey!Her legs are slim and pale!Her face might not be a work of art,But I love that girl with all my heart.And I don't give a damn about the upper part --That's how I end my tale! ('Cause now I'm getting tail!)
Lyrics by Shel Silverstein
(Pour Me Another) Tequila Sheila $100,000 in Pennies 25 Minutes To Go A Couple More Years A Front Row Seat To Hear Ole Johnny Sing A Front Row Seat to Hear Ole Johnny Sing [*] Acapulco Goldie Alimoney (Also recorded as "Alimony") All About You All The Time In The World Aphrodisiac Back Home In Huntsville Again Beans Taste Fine Better Not Ask Me Beware Of Lovers Bigtime Blue Eyes Boa Constrictor Bottomless Well Boy Named Sue Bread Upon The Waters Bury Me In My Shades Carry Me, Carrie Centaur Changing of the Seasons Civil War Song Cloudy Sky Cornflakes With Sugar And Teardrops Cover Of The Rolling Stone Daddy, What If? Dance To It Date In Dallas Daylight Dreamer Diet Song Dirty Feet Drain My Brain Drop The Bomb Drunk And Crazy Everybody Got Some But Me (Rauncy Playboy Version) Everybody Got Some But Me (Tame Recorded Version) Father Of A Boy Named Sue February Snow First Battalion Floobie Doobie Doo Food Blues Get Away Get My Rocks Off Go Back, Learn To Use That Thing Goodnight Little House Plant Goodnight, Little Houseplant Gotta Get Rid Of This Band Greasy Grit Gravy Grizzly Bear Hamlet As Told On The Street Handy Man Have Another Espresso Help Me, Mama Hey Nelly Nelly! Hey, Lady Godiva Hoodoo Voodoo Lady I Call That True Love I Gave Her Comfort I Got Stoned and I Missed It I Hear America Singing I Never Got To Know Her I Once Knew A Woman In The Hills of Shiloh Inside A Lion It Does Not Pay To Be Hip Jaded Jennifer Johnson and Me Judy June 25th At The 4th Of July Jungle To The Zoo Just Came Down For The Weekend Kick It Again Killed By A Coconut Kiss It Away Liberated Lady 1999 Little Green Buttons Living Legend Liz Lullabys, Legends And Lies Marie Laveaux Masochistic Baby Me And Jimmie Rodgers Mermaid Michaelangelo Midnight Sunshine Modern Talk Monterey Jack More Like The Movies Mountain Mary My Next Impersonation Never Be This Young Again Never Bite A Married Woman On The Thigh Numbers Oh, You Engineer On The Way To The Bottom Paranoid Pathetic Way Of Getting Over Me Paul Peanut Butter Sandwich Peanut-Butter Sandwich Penicillin Penny Perfect High (Or The Quest For Gimmesome Roy) Plastic Polly In A Porny Put A Little Bit On Me Put Another Log On The Fire Quaaludes Again Queen Of The Silver Dollar Raquel Welch Red-Neck Hippie Romance Rest Awhile Rings Of Grass Rock & Roll Hotel Roland The Roadie And Gertrude The Groupie Row, Row, Row Sahra Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take The Garb... Sausalito Witch Scum Of The Earth Show It At The Beach Sing Me A Rainbow Sing Us Some Of The Old Songs Six Days Back At Home So Good To So Bad Somebody Stole My Rig Someone Ate The Baby (Dreadful) Stacy Brown Got Two Standing On The Outside Of Your Shelter Still Gonna Die Sweetest Of All Testing The Bomb That Plane The Avocado Tree The Ballad of Lucy Jordan The Clam The Danger Of A Stranger The Devil And Billy Markham The Diet The Diet Song The Father Of The Boy Named Sue The Giving Tree The Golden Kiss The Great Conch Train Robbery The Great Lakes Song The Lady With The Torch The Man Who Got No Sign The Man Who Turns The Damn Thing Off And On The Mermaid Of Ontario The Monkey And The Elephant The Peace Proposal The Perfect Wave The Radio The Slitheree-Dee The Smoke Off The Ugliest Man in Town The Unemployment Line The Winner The Wonderful Soup Stone They Held Me Down Thirteen Tons of Ice Cream This Guitar Is For Sale Three-Legged Man Thumbsucker Time Truck Driver, Truck Driver True Story True Story [#][*] Turn On The World Ugliest Man In Town Uncle Don Up On The Mountain Vanilla Vegas Vegematic Warm And Free What Have You Dont For Me Lately? When She Cries Whiplash Will Whistlers And Jugglers With His Mouth Full Of Food Yellow-Haired Woman Yes, Mr. Rodgers Yowzah!