A Visit From StNicholson
Bob Rivers

Twas the fright before Christmas

No one upset me

With a big bowl of popcorn, watching TV

I stretched, gave a yawn, settled back in my chair

In hopes that St. Nicholson soon would be there

The children were lying awake without sleep

Theyd seen all his movies; He gives them the creeps

Id cued up cuckoos nest with my trusty remote

To the part where he had all the nuts in the boat

When out in the yard, there arose such a noise

I turned off the TV to see what it was

And what to my wandering eyes should approach

But the Los Angeles Lakers, and Pat Riley, their coach

The limo was racing, the team at its heels

Thats when I saw him: the man at the wheel

He ranted and cursed, and waved round his swizzle stick

And I knew in a second it must be Jack Nick

More rapid than the Celtics these Lakers they came

He screamed like a mad man and called them by name

Now Magic, now Worthy, now Scott and Kareem

On Cooper, on Rambis and the rest of the team

Down the chimney St. Nicholson came with a groan

Then he brushed off the suit and said, Honey, Im home

He was wearing a trench coat, with beer it was stained

And his shirt was clawed to shreds by Shirley Maclaine

He had a fat face and a flabby beer belly

From too many trips to the bar and the deli

He said, It's tough when an actor becomes fat and lazy

I only get calls to play weirdos and crazies

And middle-aged has-beens with washed up careers

But Ill fix them all and play Santa this year

And with that, he buried his head in the sack and said

Lets see what you get from your old buddy Jack

A hatchet for daddy, he reared back his head

To scare all those little buggers upstairs in bed

And a stiff drink for mommy in a nice tall glass

She could really use something to kill that bug up her chimney

With a wink of his eye and a twist of his face

He threw all the stockings into the fireplace

What could I do? What could I say?

What would I wear on my feet Christmas day?

I asked for a reason and turning his head

He looked straight at me and heres what he said

Why? You wanna know why?

Do you really wanna know why, pal? Ill tell you why

When youre out Christmas shopping

You know, doing your little Christmas things

With all your little Christmas friends

Spreading all that Christmas cheer

With those stupid Christmas songs?

Did you ever stop and think of

Picking up a little something for old Jack?

Did you ever stop to think of what Jack might like for Christmas?

You know Jack from the movies up on the big screen

Pouring his heart out, giving it everything hes got

Day in and day out, just trying as hard as he can

To bring a tiny little bit of sunshine

Into your miserable little humdrum lives

Did you ever think of good ole Jack for a second?

No, not once, maybe old Jack just wasnt that good

Maybe, I wasnt good enough

In the postman always rings twice

Acting my guts out for you in that one

Cuckoos nest, the shining, witches of fricking Eastwick

Prizzis fricking honor, all for you, pal

Just to brighten things up for you

Not good enough though, is it?

No, you want me to brighten up the Christmas season too?

Isnt that what you want, pal?

Okay, let's make things real bright around here

What do you say we decorate the tree?

String up these pretty lights here

Oh, shes looking brighter already

What do you say we take this cute little angel

And ram her on the top branch, huh?

How about some gasoline for the whole thing?

I mean, let's make her just as bright as she can be

What do you say we light her up and chuck her

Through the old picture window here?

No point in having a tree as bright

As all that without giving the neighbors

A chance to see, dont you think?

There, arent you glad ole Jack stopped by

The flames towered brightly in the cold, wintry sky

As he made for his limo and bade his goodbye

And an age may unfold air I fail to regret

That visit from St. Nicholson, which Id sooner forget

But I swear by the goose bumps upon my skin

That Ill always remember that devilish grin

And his voice, crying out as he faded from sight

Merry Christmas to all and I hope I never see you again

For as long as I live, for crying out loud

Purchase "A Visit From StNicholson" Purchase Entire Album Email Video to Friends Play Youtube "A Visit From StNicholson" Video Play Spotify "A Visit From StNicholson" Song View Wikipedia "A Visit From StNicholson" Entry Receive Emails for Future Bob Rivers Lyrics

Link to "A Visit From StNicholson"

Share:

Copied!

Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more

See Recommended Lyrics For You

Loading...

Lyrics by Bob Rivers

12 Days Of Layoffs 12 Pains Of Christmas 401k 50 Ways To Eat Your Lover 7-11 7-11 (Seven Eleven) 96 Beers A Message From The King A Visit From St. Nicholson Acid Rain ADD Addicted To (Cigarette) Butts All You Need Is Elves American Pie Eulogy Another Kick In The Balls Are They Gonna Fry OJ? Back In A US Made Car Beat Up Old Jetliner Beers In Heaven Bin Laden And The Jets Bowel Moves Burgers On The Grill Cats In The Kettle Chat Room Cheney's Got A Gun Cheney's Got A Gun Clean the Cat Box Cows With Guns Dark Side Of Naboo Denny Way Dirty Deeds (Done With Sheep) Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep Dr. Jack Foreigners Free As A Turd Frosty The Pervert Gates Is Such A Rich Man George Bush Told Lies Get Off My House Getting Fatter All The Time Have Yourself An Ozzy Little Christmas Hello, I Love You (Let's Get Tested For AIDS) Hello, I Love You (Lets get tested for AIDS) Honda Accord How It Feels (To Be Old) I Am Santa Claus I Can't Ski Babe I Love Your Breasts The Way They Are I Shot The White House I Used To Rock And Roll All Night I'm A Weight Watcher I'm Dressin' Up Like Santa (When I Get Out On Paro... I'm A Weight Watcher It's In His Piss (The Snoop Snoop Song) It's The Most Fattening Time Of The Year Jingle Bells Jingle Hells Bells Kill The Wabbit Long Distance Company Marv Bites Media Killed The Royalty Star Middle Aged Wasteline Minimum Wage Mr. Magoo O Come All Ye Grateful Dead Heads O Come All Ye Grateful Dead-Heads O Little Town of Bethlehem Officer Fuhrman Oj's Trial Thing On A Horse With Hussein OxyContin Eater PMS Pokemon Police Stop My Car Read It In The Tabloids Rusty Chevrolet Shoppin' Around For A Christmas Tree Shouldn't touch this Shouldn't Touch This (Pee Wee's Song) Space Station Oddity Spacestation Oddity Spinning Reel The Chimney Song The Handicap Can The No Smoking Song The Restroom Door Said, The Restroom Door Said, 'Gentlemen' The Twelve Pains of Christmas The Twelve Pains of Christmas [*] The Twelve Pains of Christmas [*] The Twelve Pains of Christmas [*] Toy Sack Vatican Man Walking Around In Women's Underwear We Wish You Weren't Living With Us We Wish You Weren't Living With Us What If Eminem Did Jingle Bells What If Eminem Did Jingle Bells? What If God Smoked Cannabis? When A Man Loves A Chicken Who Put The Stump? Wreck the Malls Wreck the Malls Wrong Foot Amputated Yellow Snow! Yellow Snow! Yellow Snow! You Will, By Bright Eyes

Related Songs

A Visit From Drum - Liars A Visit From St.nicholas - Destiny's Child Visit From Mars - The Crownhate Ruin A Visit From Three Ghosts - Mountain Asleep A Visit From Saint Nicholas - Christmas Songs A Visit From The Dead - King Diamond A Visit From St. Nicholas - Christmas Songs Visit - George Jones Visit - Now, Now Every Children Visit - 311 Had a Visit - Office I Believe - Lou Reed Visit From the Fuj - M.O.T.O. Visit Me - Electronic This Is a Visit - Downtown Science Papal Visit - The Fall Papal Visit - Fall Safety Pin - The Mascara Story Your Soul Today - Chris Cornell Thanks For The Visit - Harrison Wargo Lovey - The Roches Cold Condition - Edison Glass Postcard From Planet Earth - Skyclad Block To The Burbs Feat Freeway - Chris Webby You Put The I In Team - Dr. Manhattan My Dark Places? - D\'arby Terence Trent My Dark Places - Terence Trent D'Arby Visit From The Dead Dog - Ed Harcourt Visit From The Dead Dog - Ed Harcourt Ease Of The Midnight Visit - The Whitlams Ease Of The Midnight Visit - Whitlams Watchman's Song - Craig Bateman A visit to Dendroida - Eatliz I Looked At The Trap, Ray - Far-Less Will You Visit Me On Sundays - Dallas Frazier Will You Visit Me On Sunday - Conway Twitty Will You Visit Me On Sunday - Loretta Lynn Visit The Moon - Sesame Street I Don't Want To Live On The Moon - Sesame Street Will You Visit Me On Sundays - Charlie Louvin Conjugal Visit - Ad Frank The Visit - Jackson C. Frank Come Visit - Holly Throsby Visit Me - No River City Visit Me - Changing Faces The visit - Violet Indiana Visit Colonel - Thee Oh Sees The Visit - George Jones The Visit - Chad Brock The Visit - Marc Bolan and T. Rex The Visit - T.H.U.G. Angelz The Visit - T. Rex The Visit - Regina Spektor December - Braids Broken Dreams - Cage Lawrence to Ohabei - Shai Erlichman Tunnel Of Love - Kiss I Believe - John Cale Whirlpool - They Might Be Giants Whirlpool - Meat Puppets Where the Blacktop Ends - American Idol Nice Place To Visit - Extreme 40 Years - Then Death - TISM Where the Blacktop Ends [Radio Edit] - Keith Urban Where The Blacktop Ends - Clay Aiken Where The Blacktop Ends - Keith Urban The People Who Raised Me - Gregory And The Hawk Answers Come In Dreams - Hercules and Love Affair Snowball - Elbow A While - The Zephyrs Quiet - Lil' Kim Quiet - Lil' Kim Quiet - Lil Kim The Tunnel of Love - Tex Beneke Tunnel of Love - Mike Gibbs Nothing Is Impossible - Vicky Beeching Starlit Eyes - Serj Tankian Tunnel Of Love - Gene Simmons Fun In Washington - Afroman Acceptance Speech - Deerhoof Revisited - Full Service Holy Spirit - Daniel Thornton Red Mosquita - Pearl Jam Necessary Evil - The Dresden Dolls Will You Visit Me On Sundays - George Jones Necessary Evil - Dresden Dolls Pigalle - Danny Kaye VISIT OF AN AMERICAN POET v 1 - The Fall VISIT OF AN AMERICAN POET v 1 - Fall My Key To The Stars - Catman Cohen Will You Visit Me On Sundays - Conway Twitty Shotgun House - Jamie Lenman Penny Arcade - Pram Bounce Dat Ass - Webbie Little Houdini - Sage Francis I'm A Bum - Happy Campers A Visit to the Gynecologyst - Dr. Octagon A Visit With Larry Hoover - Geto Boys A Nice Place To Visit - Guttermouth A Nice Place To Visit - Aesthetic Perfection A Visit To The Doktor - Genesis A Visit To The Gynecologyst - Dr Octagon Friendly Neighborhood Visit - Greeley Estates You Put The I In Team - Dr Manhattan Purple Heather [Instrumental] - Van Morrison Purple Heather - Van Morrison All My Lovers - Autumn As Told By Ginger Theme Tune - Macy Gray As Told By Ginger Theme Tune By Macy Gray... Starlit Eyes - James Lynn Strait Nervous Breakdown - Nerf Herder Red Mosquito - Pearl Jam Summer Wishes, Winter Dreams - Abbey Lincoln Chiron Beta Prime - Jonathan Coulton As Told By Ginger Theme Song - As Told By Ginger If I Lived Under The Sea - Barney I'm In Between - Macy Gray I'm In Between - Macy Gray Prison Song - Beauty Pill I Know Where Syd Barrett Lives... Will You Visit Me on Sundays? - Charlie Louvin 51 Times - Vibe Tribe Calm Before The Storm - Bloodline Summer Holiday - Wild Nothing To The Beach - Jon and Roy Stations - Lifestory:Monologue Do Yo Thang - Young Juve What Do You Look Foward To? - Superchunk As Told By Ginger Theme Song - Nickelodeon Uh Oh Rock & Roll - J Roddy Walston & The Business This Day Is A Loaf - Danielson Previous - Relaxed Muscle All Work And No Play - Tokyo Blade Come With Me (Rabbittland) - Eddie Rabbitt Be A Little Quieter - Porter Wagoner Picasso Vista el Planeta de los Simios... Picasso Visita el Planeta de los Simios... Picasso Visita El Planeta De Los Simios - Adam Ant Christmas Town - Lord Toph Visit to Vienna - Sahara Hotnights The Night Visit - Solas Come Visit Me - The Rosebuds The Night Visit - Christy Moore Jail Visit (Interlude) - Mase The Visit (Skit) - Brotha Lynch Hung Beyond The Horizon - Zander Bleck Don’t Get Around Much Anymore - Duke Ellington Flashback - Dutch Master Screaming for Sanctuary - From A Whim Simply Love - From A Whim A Toast to The Traitors - From A Whim Memories and Meltdowns - From A Whim Never Be Alone - From A Whim Always Wanting The Worst - From A Whim So Suppressed - From A Whim sleeping aids and serenades - From A Whim I Hope You Forgot About Us - From A Whim I Hope You Forget About Us - From A Whim H.O.W. - The Fall H.O.W. - Fall Help Pour Out the Rain - Buddy Jewell Help Pour Out the Rain (Lacey's Song)... Post-It Notes From The State Hospital... The I.N.S Took My Novia Away - Manic Hispanic Picasso Visita El Planeta De Los Simios... Picasso Visita El Planeta De Los Simios - Adam Ant Flashbacks - Riot You Can't Touch This - Confession If I Were You - Nesey Gallons Untethered - Doe Paoro Holiday in Rhode Island - Softies Holiday In Rhode Island - The Softies Backwards Through the Cosmic Mirror - Shpongle I Had a Little Nut Tree - Phil Rosenthal Let's Get Away from It All - Frank Sinatra Brief Confessions of a Young Bear... Hood - Jibbs Hood [Album Version] - Jibbs Someday Soon - The Kingston Trio Some Day Soon - The Kingston Trio Gonna Be Your Lover Tonight - Kla Project Gerimis - Kla Project Country Girl - Nazareth Country Girl - Nazareth When You Need A Train It Never Comes... Love Fight (translation) - Linda Martini The King Is Dead - Ultima Thule Don't Answer The Door - B.B. King Don't Answer The Door - B.B. King The Vision Never Fades - Bulldozer (Ita) Da Capo - Ace of Base Da Capo - ACE OF BASE Snow Patterns - Q And Not U Doorknocker - Aeon Wonder Could I Live There Anymore - Charley Pride Wonder Could I Live There Anymore - Wanda Jackson Circus Fish - Vermillion Lies I Wonder Could I Live There Any More... Paradise - Bruce Springsteen Paradise By The \ - Bruce Springsteen

Please consider supporting this site by Clicking Here and Bookmarking whenever you search and shop Amazon. It costs you nothing but it supports us and gives us credit and we appreciate it greatly.