LyricMeaning

A Visit From St. Nicholson
Bob Rivers

Twas’ the fright before Christmas

No one upset me

With a big bowl of popcorn, watching TV


I stretched, gave a yawn, settled back in my chair

In hopes that St. Nicholson soon would be there

The children were lying awake without sleep

They’d seen all his movies; He gives them the creeps


I’d cued up cuckoo’s nest with my trusty remote

To the part where he had all the nuts in the boat

When out in the yard, there arose such a noise

I turned off the TV to see what it was


And what to my wandering eyes should approach

But the Los Angeles Lakers, and Pat Riley, their coach

The limo was racing, the team at its heels

That’s when I saw him: the man at the wheel

He ranted and cursed, and waved round his swizzle stick

And I knew in a second it must be Jack Nick


More rapid than the Celtics these Lakers they came

He screamed like a mad man and called them by name

“Now Magic, now Worthy, now Scott and Kareem

On Cooper, on Rambis and the rest of the team”


Down the chimney St. Nicholson came with a groan

Then he brushed off the suit and said, “Honey, I’m home”


He was wearing a trench coat, with beer it was stained

And his shirt was clawed to shreds by Shirley Maclaine

He had a fat face and a flabby beer belly

From too many trips to the bar and the deli


He said, “It's tough when an actor becomes fat and lazy

I only get calls to play weirdo’s and crazies

And middle-aged has-been’s with washed up careers

But I’ll fix them all and play Santa this year”


And with that, he buried his head in the sack and said

“Lets see what you get from your old buddy Jack

A hatchet for daddy, he reared back his head

To scare all those little buggers upstairs in bed

And a stiff drink for mommy in a nice tall glass

She could really use something to kill that bug up her chimney


With a wink of his eye and a twist of his face

He threw all the stockings into the fireplace

What could I do? What could I say?

What would I wear on my feet Christmas day?


I asked for a reason and turning his head

He looked straight at me and here’s what he said

“Why? You wanna know why?

Do you really wanna know why, pal? I’ll tell you why


When you’re out Christmas shopping

You know, doing your little Christmas things

With all your little Christmas friends

Spreading all that Christmas cheer

With those stupid Christmas songs?


Did you ever stop and think of

Picking up a little something for old Jack?

Did you ever stop to think of what Jack might like for Christmas?

You know Jack from the movies up on the big screen

Pouring his heart out, giving it everything he’s got


Day in and day out, just trying as hard as he can

To bring a tiny little bit of sunshine

Into your miserable little humdrum lives

Did you ever think of good ole Jack for a second?

No, not once, maybe old Jack just wasn’t that good


Maybe, I wasn’t good enough

In the postman always rings twice

Acting my guts out for you in that one

Cuckoo’s nest, the shining, witches of fricking Eastwick

Prizzi’s fricking honor, all for you, pal


Just to brighten things up for you

Not good enough though, is it?

No, you want me to brighten up the Christmas season too?

Isn’t that what you want, pal?

Okay, let's make things real bright around here


What do you say we decorate the tree?

String up these pretty lights here

Oh, she’s looking brighter already

What do you say we take this cute little angel

And ram her on the top branch, huh?


How about some gasoline for the whole thing?

I mean, let's make her just as bright as she can be

What do you say we light her up and chuck her

Through the old picture window here?


No point in having a tree as bright

As all that without giving the neighbors

A chance to see, don’t you think?

There, aren’t you glad ole’ Jack stopped by


The flames towered brightly in the cold, wintry sky

As he made for his limo and bade his goodbye

And an age may unfold air I fail to regret

That visit from St. Nicholson, which I’d sooner forget


But I swear by the goose bumps upon my skin

That I’ll always remember that devilish grin

And his voice, crying out as he faded from sight

“Merry Christmas to all and I hope I never see you again

For as long as I live, for crying out loud”


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Lyrics by Bob Rivers

  12 Days Of Layoffs   12 Pains Of Christmas   401k   50 Ways To Eat Your Lover   7-11   7-11 (Seven Eleven)   96 Beers   A Message From The King   A Visit From StNicholson   Acid Rain   ADD   Addicted To (Cigarette) Butts   All You Need Is Elves   American Pie Eulogy   Another Kick In The Balls   Are They Gonna Fry OJ?   Back In A US Made Car   Beat Up Old Jetliner   Beers In Heaven   Bin Laden And The Jets   Bowel Moves   Burgers On The Grill   Cats In The Kettle   Chat Room   Cheney's Got A Gun   Cheney's Got A Gun   Clean the Cat Box   Cows With Guns   Dark Side Of Naboo   Denny Way   Dirty Deeds (Done With Sheep)   Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep   Dr. Jack   Foreigners   Free As A Turd   Frosty The Pervert   Gates Is Such A Rich Man   George Bush Told Lies   Get Off My House   Getting Fatter All The Time   Have Yourself An Ozzy Little Christmas   Hello, I Love You (Let's Get Tested For AIDS)   Hello, I Love You (Lets get tested for AIDS)   Honda Accord   How It Feels (To Be Old)   I Am Santa Claus   I Can't Ski Babe   I Love Your Breasts The Way They Are   I Shot The White House   I Used To Rock And Roll All Night   I'm A Weight Watcher   I'm Dressin' Up Like Santa (When I Get Out On Paro...   I'm A Weight Watcher   It's In His Piss (The Snoop Snoop Song)   It's The Most Fattening Time Of The Year   Jingle Bells   Jingle Hells Bells   Kill The Wabbit   Long Distance Company   Marv Bites   Media Killed The Royalty Star   Middle Aged Wasteline   Minimum Wage   Mr. Magoo   O Come All Ye Grateful Dead Heads   O Come All Ye Grateful Dead-Heads   O Little Town of Bethlehem   Officer Fuhrman   Oj's Trial Thing   On A Horse With Hussein   OxyContin Eater   PMS   Pokemon   Police Stop My Car   Read It In The Tabloids   Rusty Chevrolet   Shoppin' Around For A Christmas Tree   Shouldn't touch this   Shouldn't Touch This (Pee Wee's Song)   Space Station Oddity   Spacestation Oddity   Spinning Reel   The Chimney Song   The Handicap Can   The No Smoking Song   The Restroom Door Said,   The Restroom Door Said, 'Gentlemen'   The Twelve Pains of Christmas   The Twelve Pains of Christmas [*]   The Twelve Pains of Christmas [*]   The Twelve Pains of Christmas [*]   Toy Sack   Vatican Man   Walking Around In Women's Underwear   We Wish You Weren't Living With Us   We Wish You Weren't Living With Us   What If Eminem Did Jingle Bells   What If Eminem Did Jingle Bells?   What If God Smoked Cannabis?   When A Man Loves A Chicken   Who Put The Stump?   Wreck the Malls   Wreck the Malls   Wrong Foot Amputated   Yellow Snow! Yellow Snow! Yellow Snow!   You Will, By Bright Eyes

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