your horoscope 4 today
Weird Al Yankovic

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC
Miscellaneous
your horoscope 4 today
AQUARIUS!

There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus! Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Mole 17 hours a day.

PISCES!

Try to avoid any Virgos or Leo's- with the ebola virus! You are the true lord of the dance- no matter what those idiots at work say.


ARIES!

The look on your face will be priceless when you find that 40-pound watermelon in your colon! Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf then give a hickey to Meryl Streepe!

TAURUS!

You will never find true happiness. Whatcha gonna do cry about it?!? The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep!

That's your horoscope for today-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay! Thats your horoscope for today! (x2)

GEMINI!

Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flagilance! Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest!

CANCER!

The position of jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week facedown in the mud! Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test.

LEO!

Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no! Eat a bucket of tuna flavored pudding and wash it down with a gllon of Strawberry Quik!

VIRGO!

All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent- except for you! Expect a big surprise today- when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick!

That's your horoscope for today-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay! That's your horoscope for today! (x2)

Now you may find that inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative positions of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid,scientific, documented evidence so you would have be some kind of moron not to realize that all of them are absolutely true- where was I?

LIBRA!

A big promotion is just around the corner- for someone much more talented than you! Laughter is the very best medicine- remember that when your appendix burst next week!

SCORPIO!

Get ready for an unexpected trip- when you fall screaming from an open window! Work a little bit harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak.

SAGITTARIUS!

All your friends are laughing behind your back! Kill them. Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den!

CAPRICORN!

The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but, you know they're lying! If I were you I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again!

That's your horoscope for today-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay!
That's your horscope for today! (x4)


  Purchase "your horoscope 4 today"   Purchase Entire Album   Email Video to Friends   Play Youtube "your horoscope 4 today" Video   Play Spotify "your horoscope 4 today" Song   View Wikipedia "your horoscope 4 today" Entry   Receive Emails for Future Weird Al Yankovic Lyrics

Email:

  Link to "your horoscope 4 today"   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Lyrics For You

Loading...

Lyrics by Weird Al Yankovic

  (This Song's Just) Six Words Long   1985 Food Medley - 01 - It's Moldy Now   1985 Food Medley - 02 - Doctor   1985 Food Medley - 03 - Steak Number 3   1985 Food Medley - 04 - Burger King   1985 Food Medley - 05 - Don't You Forget About Mea...   1985 Food Medley - 06 - Girls Just Want To Have Lu...   1985 Food Medley - 07 - The Rye And The Kaiser   1985 Food Medley - 08 - I Love Rocky Road   1985 Food Medley - 09 - Spameater   1985 Food Medley - 10 - I Feel Like Throwin' Up   1985 Food Medley - 11 - Avocado   1985 Food Medley - 12 - Whole Lotta Lunch   1985 Food Medley - 13 - Bologna   A Complicated Song   A Complicated Song (Parody of "Complicated" by Avr...   Aardvark   Achy Breaky Song   Addicted To Spuds   Airline Amy   Albuquerque   Alimony   Alligator   Alternative Polka   American Slob   Amish Paradise   Amish Paradise (Parody of "Gangsta's Paradise" by ...   Amish Paridise   Amoeba   Angry White Boy Polka   Angry White Boy Polka (Medley)   Another One Rides The Bus   Another One Rides the Bus [Live]   Another Tattoo   Another Tattoo [Video]   Attack Of The Radioactive Hampster From A Planet N   Attack Of The Radioactive Hamsters From A Planet N   Attack Of The Radioactive Hamsters From A Planet N...   Avocado   Baby Got Jack   Baby Likes Burping   Barney's On Fire   Barney's On Fire   Bedrock Anthem   Belvedere Cruising   Bob   Bob (best version)   Bohemian Polka   Bologna   Bomb Sadam   Born To Be Mild   Buckingham Blues   Burger King   Buy Me A Condo   Cable TV   Cabletv   Callin' In Sick   Callin\' In Sick   Callin' In Sick   Canadian Idiot   Canadian Idiot   Cat's In The Kettle   Cavity Search   Cavity Search (Parody of "Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss...   Cheerios Apple Jacks Cheerios   Cheerios, Apple Jacks, Cheerios   Chewbacca What A Wookie   Chicken Pot Pie   Christmas At Ground Zero   Christmas Memories Of 'Weird Al' Yankovic   Christmas Memories Of "Weird Al" Yankovic   Christmas Memories of & Quot;Weird Al & Qu...   Christmas Memories Or Weird Al Yankovic   Close but No Cigar   Close But No Cigar   CNR   Cockroaches   Cockroachs   Confessions Part III   Confessions Part III   Confessions Part III   Constipated   Constipated (AAvril Lavigne "Complicated" parody)   Couch Potato   Cows With Guns   Craigslist   Crampton Comes Alive   Dare To Be Stupid   Dead Car Battery Blues   Do I Creep You Out   Do I Creep You Out   Dog Eat Dog   Don't Download This Song   Don't Touch That   Don't Wear Those Shoes   Don't You Forget About Meat   Don't Download This Song   Don't Touch That   Don't Wear Those Shoes   Don't You Forget About Meat   Dr. Demento Radio Promo   Dr. Demento's 15Th Anniversary Special   Dr. Demento's 15Th Anniversary Special   E-Bay   Eat It   Eat It!   Ebay   Elmo's Got A Gun   Everything You Know Is Wrong   Fast Food   Fat   Fatter   Finale   First World Problems   Flatbush Avenue   Foil   food medley as performed in 1985 - 01   food medley as performed in 1985 - 02   food medley as performed in 1985 - 03   food medley as performed in 1985 - 04   food medley as performed in 1985 - 05   food medley as performed in 1985 - 06   food medley as performed in 1985 - 07   food medley as performed in 1985 - 08   food medley as performed in 1985 - 09   food medley as performed in 1985 - 10   food medley as performed in 1985 - 11   food medley as performed in 1985 - 12   food medley as performed in 1985 - 13   Frank's 2000' Tv   Frank's 2000" Tv   Frank's 2000\" TV   Frank's 2000" Tv   Free Delivery   Fun Zone   Gandhi Ii   Gee, I'm A Nerd   Gee, I'm A Nerd   Generic Blues   Genious In France   Genius in France   George Of The Jungle   Germs   Girls Just Wanna Have Lunch   Girls Just Want to Have Lunch   Good Enough For Now   Good Old Days   Gotta Boogie   Grapefruit Diet   Grapefruit Diet (Parody of "Zoot Suit Riot" By Che...   Gravy On You   Green Eggs & Ham   Green Eggs And Ham   Gump   Gump (Parody of "Lump" by the Presidents of the Un...   Handy   Happy Birthday   Hardware Store   Harvey The Wonder Hamster   Headline News   Headline News (Version 2)   Headline News (Version 3)   Here's Johnny   Here's Johnny   Hit Me With A Rock   Holiday Greetings 1987   Holiday Greetings 1988   Homer & Marge   Homer And Marge   Hooked On Polkas   Hooker On A Corner   Hooker On Corner   Hummingbirds   I Can't Watch This   I Can't Watch This   I Feel Like Throwin' Up   I Feel Like Throwin' Up   I Hate Big Butts   I Lost On Jeopardy   I Love Rocky Road   I Remember Larry   I Think I'm A Clone Now   I Think I'm A Clone Now   I Want A New Duck   I Want It That Way   I Was Only Kidding   I'll Be Mellow When I'm Dead   I'll Repair For You   I'll Repair For You ( A Theme For Home Improvement...   I'll Sue Ya   I'm Fat   I'm So Sick Of You   I\'m So Sick Of You   I'll Be Mellow When I'm Dead   I'll Repair For You   I'll Sue Ya   I'm So Sick Of You   If I Could Make Love To A Bottle   If That Isn't Love   If That Isn't Love   Iguana   Im a Wigga   Im The Only Gay Eskimo   Inactive   Introduction   Introduction - Carnival Of The Animals Part Two   Isle Thing   It's All About The Pentiums   It's All About the Pentiums (An Adaptation of "It'...   It's Christmas At Ground Zero   It's Moldy Now   It's Still Billy Joel To Me   It\'s All About The Pentiums   It's All About The Pentiums   It's Moldy Now   It's Still Billy Joel To Me   Its All About The Pentiums   Jackson Park Express   Jerry Springer   Jerry Springer (Parody of "One Week" By BareNaked ...   Jurassic Park   Kidstar 1250 Radio Promotion   King Of Suede   Lame Claim To Fame   Lasagna   Laundry Day   Leisure Suit Serenade   Let Me Be Your Hog   Let's Bomb Iraq   Like A Surgeon   Livin' In The Fridge   Living With A Hernia   Llama Song   Make My Boobies 1 More Size   Make My Boobies One More Size   Matter Of Crust   Melanie   Midnight Star   Midnight Star [*]   Mission Statement   Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm   Money For Nothing, Beverly Hillbillies   Money For Nothing/Beverly Hillbillies   Mr Frump In The Iron Lung   Mr Popiel   Mr. Frump In The Iron Lung   Mr. Popeil   My Baby's In Love With Eddie Vedder   My Baby\'s In Love With Eddie Vedder   My Baby's In Love With Eddie Vedder   My Bologna   My Own Eyes   Nature Trail To Hell   Never Met A Person As Wonderful As Me   Night Santa Went Crazy   Nobody Here But Us Frogs   Now That's What I Call Polka   NOW That's What I Call Polka!   Now That's What I Call Polka   Ode to a Superhero   One More Minute   One Of Those Days   Pac Man   Pacman   Pancreas   Pancreas   Party at the Leper Colony   Party In The CIA   Party In The CIA   Perform This Way   Phoney Calls   Phony Calls   Phony Calls (Parody of "Waterfalls" by TLC)   Pigeons   Please Don't Wear Your Thong (Thong Song Parody)   Polka Face   Polka Face   Polka Face   Polka Party   Polka Party!   Polka Party!   Polka Patterns   Polka Power!   Polka Your Eyes Out   Polkamon   Polkarama!   Polkas On 45   Poodle   Pretty Fly For A Rabbi   Pretty Fly For A Rabi   RealRadio 104.1   Rice, Rice Baby   Ricky   Ringtone   Rocky Road   Rye Or The Kaiser   School Cafeteria - Version 1   School Cafeteria - Version 2   Shark   She Drives Like Crazy   She Never Told Me She Was A Mime   Since You're Been Gone   Since You've Been Gone   Since You've Been Gone - Live   Since You\'ve Been Gone   Since You've Been Gone   Six Words Long   Skipper Dan   Slime Creatures From Outer Space   Smells Like Nirvana   Smoke A Bowl   Smoke A Bowl (Coca Cola Parody)   Snack All Night   Snails   Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut   Spam   Spameater   Spatula City   Sports Song   Spy Hard   Spy Hard (theme From The Motion Picture Spy Hard)   Star Wars Cantina   Star Wars Copa Cabana   Star Wars Gangsta Rap   Star Wars Gangster Rap   Star Wars: The Saga Begins   Steak Number 3   Stop Draggin' My Car Around   Stop Draggin' My Car Around   Stop Dragging My Car Around   Stop Forwarding That Crap To Me   Stuck In A Closet With Vanna White   Such A Groovy Guy   Syndicated Inc.   Syndicated Inc. (Parody of "Misery" by Soul Asylum...   Tacky   Taco Grande   Take Me Down   Take Me To The Liver   Take The "L" Out Of Liver   Talk Soup   That Boy could Dance   The Alternative Polka   The Backwards Section From Nature Trail To Hell   The Ballad Of Kent Marlow   The Beer Song   The Beverly Hillbillies Miss You   The Biggest Ball Of Twine In Minnesota   The Brady Bunch   The Check's In The Mail   The Check's In The Mail   The Devil Went Down To Jamaica   The Hot Rocks Polka   The Jedi song   The Night Santa Went Crazy   The Night Santa Went Crazy (Extra Gory Version)   The Night Santa Went Crazy (Extra Gory)   The Plumbing Song   The Rye And The Kaiser   The Saga Begins   The Saga Begins (american Pie Adaptiton)   The Saga Begins (Lyrical Adaption of "American Pie...   The Weird Al Show Theme   The White Stuff   The Yoda Chant   Theme From Rocky XIII   Theme from Rocky XIII (The Rye or the Kaiser)   Theme from Rocky XIII (The Rye or the Kaiser)   This Is The Life   Title of The Song in Question   TMZ   TMZ   Toothless People   Traffic Jam   Trapped in the Drive-Thru   Trapped In The Drive-Thru   Trapped in the Drive-Thru   Trash Day   Trash Day (Parody of "Hot in Herre" by Nelly)   Trigger Happy   Truck Drivin' Song   Truck Drivin\' Song   Truck Drivin' Song   TV Tan   Twister   Ugly Girl   Ugly Girl (Barbie Girl Parody)   Ugly Irl   UHF   UHF [Single Version]   Unicorn   Velvet Elvis   Virus Alert   Vulture   Waffle King   Walking Around In Women's Underwear   Wanna B Ur Lovr   Wannabe Stromtrooper   We Got The Beef   We're All Gay (backstreet Boys)   Weasel Stomping Day   Weasel Stomping Day   Weenie In A Bottle   Weird Al - Pretty Fly For A Rabbi   What If God Smoked Cannabis   Whatever You Like   When I Was Your Age   Which Backstreet Boy is Gay   White & Nerdy   White & Nerdy   White & Nerdy   White And Nerdy   Whole Lotta Lunch   Why Does This Always Happen To Me?   Windows 95 Sucks!   With Legs Wide Open   Won't Eat Prunes Again   Word Crimes   Yo!!! This Is A Digrace   Yoda   Yoda Chant   You Don't Love Me Anymore   You Don't Take Your Showers   You Don't Love Me Anymore   You Light Up My Life   You Make Me   You're Pitiful   Young, Dumb & Ugly   Young, Dumb & Ugly   Young, Dumb, and Ugly   Your Horoscope For Today

Related Songs

  Horror Scope - Albatross  Everything Sux - Descendents  Everything Sucks - Descendents  Horoscope - Chely Wright  Your Horoscope - Ian Dury & The Blockheads  Your Horoscope - Ian Dury  Where Are You Loca Nadine? - Red 40  Area Codes - Nate Dogg  Area Codes [PB Mix] - Nate Dogg  Area Codes - Todd Clouser  Horoscope - Nick Carter  Caroline - The Hang Ups  Sunset Strip Bitch - Eve 6  Horoscope - Aroah  Area Codes (Hoes) - Ludacris  The Transfiguration (Parts I and II)...  Watever - Lil Wayne  Horoscope - Cats on Fire  Horoscope - Harpo  Horoscope - Liz  Capricorn - Orion Rigel Dommisse  She Ain't You - New Hollow  Today 4 U - Original Broadway Cast  You Are - Gene Pitney  Love Of My Life - Fred Astaire  I Don't Really Love You Anymore...  Poor Pete Is A Bit Self-Concious - Say Hi  Count Up To Nine - Sesame Street  Today 4 U - RENT  Live 4 Today - Natalie Grant  Live 4 Today - Kosheen  Lousy Horoscope - Warship  Horoscope Rhapsody - Angel Tai  Few Horoscope - Chap  Da Day - Desiigner  Ares - Gackt  Teenage Suicide - The Candyskins  Big Star - 10000 Maniacs  Something I Learned Today - Hüsker Dü  Something I Learnt Today - Entombed  January Stars - Sting  Big Star - 10,000 Maniacs  Tattva - Kula Shaker  Unlimited Love - Laudamus  Serendipity - Angelina Pivarnick & Adam Barta  Télescope - Aghast  My Queen Esther - Guardian  Things Have Gone to Pieces - George Jones  Rocketship - Kathy McCarty  Coming To America - Me First & The Gimme Gimmes  Beauty - Modern English  Beauty - Modern English  Sticky Wicked - Chaka Khan  Games People Play - Inner Circle  5 Steps [Radio Edit] - Dru Hill  Clay - HANA  it used to feel warmer - Andreas Zins  I Really Hope It's You - Michael Franks  4Ever - Whigfield  I Love to Roll - Backyard Babies  Greatest Day - Beverley Knight  The Greatest Day - Beverley Knight  In This World - Systems Officer  Area Codes Ft. Nate Dogg - Ludacris  Night Swimmers - Foals  Rocket Ship - Daniel Johnston  Mood Ring - Harlem  JUST STEP S'WAYS - The Fall  Just Step S'ways - Fall  Just Step S'ways - Fall  Nashville Bum - Waylon Jennings  The Anthem - Souljahz  All In A Day's Work - Eels  All In A Day's Work - Eels  Four More Years - Warrior Soul  Greatest Day (Classic Mix) - Beverley Knight  It's A Fact (Printed Stained) - Matt and Kim  It's a Fact - Matt & Kim  Black Magic - Angie Stone  Black Magic - Styles P  Black Magic - Styles  Druscilla Penny - The Carpenters  Black Celebration 4:58 - Depeche Mode  No Time At All - Steve Kilbey  1, 2, 3, Goodbye - Demi Lovato  New Amnesia Skies - Stolen Violin  Your Soul Today - Chris Cornell  Hotel Plaster - Nicole Atkins  I'll Make It All up to You - Golden Earring  I'll Make It All Up To You - Golden Earring  Zeroes - Sonata Arctica  Four Walls - Staind  Shirt On - Splendora  School Sucks - No Motiv  Aint It Strange - Drivin' N' Cryin'  Status: Still Thinking - Coroner  No More Long Years - Matt and Kim  Mega Bottle Ride - Joe Strummer & the Mescaleros  Mega Bottle Ride - Joe Strummer And The Mescaleros  I Will Sing With The Spirit...  August 7 - Jon Bon Jovi  Area Codes - Ludacris  Today Yr. Love, Tomorrow The World - Sonic Youth  Like Cursing Kids - Kevin Devine  Magic Moon (Da da da da da!) - Peter Frampton  I'm Not Crying Over You - Chris De Burgh  I'm Not Crying Over You - Chris De Burgh  I'm Not Crying Over You - Deburgh Chris  Games People Play [*] - Inner Circle  Games People Play [Album Version] - Inner Circle  itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow polka dot bikini...  Readings in Astrology - Curtis Mayfield  4-6-3 - Buck 65  Machine Gun Baby - Meriwether  Feeling Peaky - Sleeper  Today is Alright 4 2Nite - Limozeen  Here Today [Takes 4-6] - The Beach Boys  Today 4 U (The Loft) - Various Artists  Today 4 U (the Loft) - RENT  4 And 20 - Joss Stone  Forget About the Future - Sting & Police  The Power Of Three - Belle And Sebastian  Love Is More Than Just Another Four-Letter Word...  Love Is More Than Just - All-4-One  We're Bringing Our Own Horse - Edward  Today Today Today - James Taylor  Castaway - Far From Finished  463 - Buck 65  Number Five - Pizzicato Five  Love Is More Than Just - All 4 One  Love Is More Then Just Another 4 Letter Word...  Love Is More Than Just Another Four-Letter Word\r\...  Love Is More Than Just Another Four-letter Word...  Venus In The Morning - Stratovarius  Things Are Getting Better - N.E.R.D  Horror Pop - Marina and the Diamonds  It Just Doesn't Matter - Howard Jones  It Just Doesn't Matter - Howard Jones  Here She Is - Ellis Paul  I Have Such A Hard Time Making New Friends...  Let's Go Crazy - Incubus  Druscilla Penny - Carpenters, The  Terraplane Blues - Foghat  5 Steps - Dru Hill  Latch Key Kids - Bad Religion  Beautiful - Social Code  Travelin' Riverside Blues - Warren Zevon  Travelin' Riverside Blues - Warren Zevon  August 7, 4:15 - Bon Jovi  Colonial Hong Kong - J Church  Anything Goes - Song Parodies  Dance On - Prince  I'm Addicted - Goo Goo Dolls  I'm Addicted - Goo Goo Dolls  You Say I'm Scum - D.R.I.  No Paradise - Anti-Flag  Forget About The Future - Sting  Ching Ching pt. 2 ft. Timbaland - Ms. Jade  Ching Ching, Pt. 2 - Timbaland  In This Place - Short Stack  August 7 - Bon Jovi  August 7, 4:15 - Jon Bon Jovi  August 7, 4: 15 - Bon Jovi  August 7, 4:15 - Bon Jovi & Jon Bon Jovi  Somewhere in the Night - André Campagnani  Somewhere in the Night - André Campagnani  Modern Lucky Man - A Toys Orchestra  Mile High - Morphine  Hundred Dollar Valentine - Chris Smither  Things Are Getting Better - N*E*R*D  Happy New Year - Justin Bieber  In Another Life [Excerpt of Orginal Demo][Demo Ver...  In Another Life [Excerpt of Original Demo] - XTC  In Another Life - XTC  Things Are Getting Better...  Things Are Getting Better - N.e.r.d.  Somebody's Watching You...  Signs And Wonders - 4Him  Buy 4 Take One Free - Everything Is Made In China  Photographic 4:58 - Depeche Mode  A Better Man - All-4-One  Untitled - Against Me!  Games People Play - Mel Tormé  Games People Play - Paul Anka  Generation X-Wing - Matthew Good  Games People Play (Live) - Paul Anka  Games People Play - Dolly Parton  Fog - Mason Proper  Crazy 4 U - R5  Someone - Jon Langford  Someone - The Mekons  Channel 4 - A Global Threat  Games People Play - Brenda Lee  Chocolate Rain - Mr. Unhappy Face  Hogwash - Fu ManChu  4 Letter Word - Diggy  It's Easy, MMMKay - TV Theme Songs  Peace In The Galaxy - Mortification  Say You're Free - Goo Goo Dolls  Join The Infestation - Celleste