Couch Potato
Weird Al Yankovic

Look
If you had
One shot
To sit on your lazy butt
And watch all the TV you ever wanted
Until your brain turned to mush
Would you go for it?
Or just let it slip?
Yo

Remote is ready
Eyes wide, palms are sweaty
There's Flintstones on the TV already
Wilma 'n' Betty
No virgin to channel surfin'
And I'm HD-ready
So I flip
Garbage is all I'm getting

There's Simon Cowell
Who folks wanna disembowel
He opens his mouth
Always says something foul
They're dyin', wow
Wannabes are crying now
He votes them out
Time to throw in the towel

Shows based on reality
Oh, the humanity!
Oh, Ozzy's family
Sho' loves profanity
Whoa, the insanity
Oh, dogs that crap and pee
Home of depravity?
No, they live happily
Yo

Plus Da Ali G Show
And Celebrity Mole
Oh, and there's Anna Nicole
Well, she's scaring me

Look ma, no cavities
Oh, it's a station break
Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something

You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV They told me, they'd scold me
But I'd still tune in every show (show)
My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Travel Channel, Discovery, and Lifetime (yo)

You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV They told me, cajoled me, Turn off those music videos (no)
I'm gonna watch C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The History Channel and QVC and Lifetime (yo)
(You're gonna)

My butt is aching
As I watch NASCAR racing
That show about undertaking
Larry King
To 24 to Law And Order
The Weather Channel's boring like 60 Minutes's ancient reporters
Next up on E! True Hollywood Story
The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey

Shows for next fall, they've already been namin'
CSI: Boise and Touched By An Uncle both sound pretty lame 'n'
So does Everybody Tolerates Raymond
And King of Queens jumped the shark the first minute
I can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it

I'll move right on to 8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenaged Daughter
Then I bet
I watch The Bachelorette
Followed by Welcome Back, Kotter
And The Muppet Show where they go 'Mahna Mahna'

You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
They told me, they'd scold me
But I'd still tune in every show (show)
My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Disney Channel and A&E and Lifetime (yo)

You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
They told me, cajoled me
But I still love Lisa Kudrow (drow)
I'm looking at C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Playboy Channel and Court TV and Lifetime (yo)
(You're Gonna)

Never missed Melrose Place or Lost In Space
I've seen each Amazing Race and Without A Trace
But I only watched Will And Grace one time one day
Wish I hadn't 'cause TiVo now thinks I'm gay

Oh, and Fear Factor I watched maybe a half hour
After that, felt like I needed a long shower
Network execs with naked ambitions
Next week on FOX, watch lions eat Christians

Like to tie up those programming planners
Make 'em watch all of that junk 'til their heads explode just like Scanners
Leech-covered grub-eatin' fools on Survivor
Look there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of Mr. Rob Schneider

And there's Gilligan and SpongeBob, plus there's MacGyver
And Jay Leno has got Madonna, hey there's Luke Perry on a
Special all Pig-Latin episode of Drew Carey

Wanna turn on E.T. 'cause I'm a gossip freak
And I gotta know who J. Lo is marryin' this week
A 30 second spot
Then we come back to Are You Hot?
I was planning on recording The Sopranos
I forgot

I love shows with or without a plot
I'll stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot
Because I only have got
One brain to rot
I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot

You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
They told me, they'd scold me
But I'd still tune in every show (show)
My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime (yo)

You're gonna lose your mind watching TV They told me, cajoled me, Turn off that Oprah Winfrey show (no)
I got it on C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime (yo)
(You're gonna)

You can watch anything you want to, man


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Lyrics by Weird Al Yankovic

  (This Song's Just) Six Words Long   1985 Food Medley - 01 - It's Moldy Now   1985 Food Medley - 02 - Doctor   1985 Food Medley - 03 - Steak Number 3   1985 Food Medley - 04 - Burger King   1985 Food Medley - 05 - Don't You Forget About Mea...   1985 Food Medley - 06 - Girls Just Want To Have Lu...   1985 Food Medley - 07 - The Rye And The Kaiser   1985 Food Medley - 08 - I Love Rocky Road   1985 Food Medley - 09 - Spameater   1985 Food Medley - 10 - I Feel Like Throwin' Up   1985 Food Medley - 11 - Avocado   1985 Food Medley - 12 - Whole Lotta Lunch   1985 Food Medley - 13 - Bologna   A Complicated Song   A Complicated Song (Parody of "Complicated" by Avr...   Aardvark   Achy Breaky Song   Addicted To Spuds   Airline Amy   Albuquerque   Alimony   Alligator   Alternative Polka   American Slob   Amish Paradise   Amish Paradise (Parody of "Gangsta's Paradise" by ...   Amish Paridise   Amoeba   Angry White Boy Polka   Angry White Boy Polka (Medley)   Another One Rides The Bus   Another One Rides the Bus [Live]   Another Tattoo   Another Tattoo [Video]   Attack Of The Radioactive Hampster From A Planet N   Attack Of The Radioactive Hamsters From A Planet N   Attack Of The Radioactive Hamsters From A Planet N...   Avocado   Baby Got Jack   Baby Likes Burping   Barney's On Fire   Barney's On Fire   Bedrock Anthem   Belvedere Cruising   Bob   Bob (best version)   Bohemian Polka   Bologna   Bomb Sadam   Born To Be Mild   Buckingham Blues   Burger King   Buy Me A Condo   Cable TV   Cabletv   Callin' In Sick   Callin\' In Sick   Callin' In Sick   Canadian Idiot   Canadian Idiot   Cat's In The Kettle   Cavity Search   Cavity Search (Parody of "Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss...   Cheerios Apple Jacks Cheerios   Cheerios, Apple Jacks, Cheerios   Chewbacca What A Wookie   Chicken Pot Pie   Christmas At Ground Zero   Christmas Memories Of 'Weird Al' Yankovic   Christmas Memories Of "Weird Al" Yankovic   Christmas Memories of & Quot;Weird Al & Qu...   Christmas Memories Or Weird Al Yankovic   Close but No Cigar   Close But No Cigar   CNR   Cockroaches   Cockroachs   Confessions Part III   Confessions Part III   Confessions Part III   Constipated   Constipated (AAvril Lavigne "Complicated" parody)   Cows With Guns   Craigslist   Crampton Comes Alive   Dare To Be Stupid   Dead Car Battery Blues   Do I Creep You Out   Do I Creep You Out   Dog Eat Dog   Don't Download This Song   Don't Touch That   Don't Wear Those Shoes   Don't You Forget About Meat   Don't Download This Song   Don't Touch That   Don't Wear Those Shoes   Don't You Forget About Meat   Dr. Demento Radio Promo   Dr. Demento's 15Th Anniversary Special   Dr. Demento's 15Th Anniversary Special   E-Bay   Eat It   Eat It!   Ebay   Elmo's Got A Gun   Everything You Know Is Wrong   Fast Food   Fat   Fatter   Finale   First World Problems   Flatbush Avenue   Foil   food medley as performed in 1985 - 01   food medley as performed in 1985 - 02   food medley as performed in 1985 - 03   food medley as performed in 1985 - 04   food medley as performed in 1985 - 05   food medley as performed in 1985 - 06   food medley as performed in 1985 - 07   food medley as performed in 1985 - 08   food medley as performed in 1985 - 09   food medley as performed in 1985 - 10   food medley as performed in 1985 - 11   food medley as performed in 1985 - 12   food medley as performed in 1985 - 13   Frank's 2000' Tv   Frank's 2000" Tv   Frank's 2000\" TV   Frank's 2000" Tv   Free Delivery   Fun Zone   Gandhi Ii   Gee, I'm A Nerd   Gee, I'm A Nerd   Generic Blues   Genious In France   Genius in France   George Of The Jungle   Germs   Girls Just Wanna Have Lunch   Girls Just Want to Have Lunch   Good Enough For Now   Good Old Days   Gotta Boogie   Grapefruit Diet   Grapefruit Diet (Parody of "Zoot Suit Riot" By Che...   Gravy On You   Green Eggs & Ham   Green Eggs And Ham   Gump   Gump (Parody of "Lump" by the Presidents of the Un...   Handy   Happy Birthday   Hardware Store   Harvey The Wonder Hamster   Headline News   Headline News (Version 2)   Headline News (Version 3)   Here's Johnny   Here's Johnny   Hit Me With A Rock   Holiday Greetings 1987   Holiday Greetings 1988   Homer & Marge   Homer And Marge   Hooked On Polkas   Hooker On A Corner   Hooker On Corner   Hummingbirds   I Can't Watch This   I Can't Watch This   I Feel Like Throwin' Up   I Feel Like Throwin' Up   I Hate Big Butts   I Lost On Jeopardy   I Love Rocky Road   I Remember Larry   I Think I'm A Clone Now   I Think I'm A Clone Now   I Want A New Duck   I Want It That Way   I Was Only Kidding   I'll Be Mellow When I'm Dead   I'll Repair For You   I'll Repair For You ( A Theme For Home Improvement...   I'll Sue Ya   I'm Fat   I'm So Sick Of You   I\'m So Sick Of You   I'll Be Mellow When I'm Dead   I'll Repair For You   I'll Sue Ya   I'm So Sick Of You   If I Could Make Love To A Bottle   If That Isn't Love   If That Isn't Love   Iguana   Im a Wigga   Im The Only Gay Eskimo   Inactive   Introduction   Introduction - Carnival Of The Animals Part Two   Isle Thing   It's All About The Pentiums   It's All About the Pentiums (An Adaptation of "It'...   It's Christmas At Ground Zero   It's Moldy Now   It's Still Billy Joel To Me   It\'s All About The Pentiums   It's All About The Pentiums   It's Moldy Now   It's Still Billy Joel To Me   Its All About The Pentiums   Jackson Park Express   Jerry Springer   Jerry Springer (Parody of "One Week" By BareNaked ...   Jurassic Park   Kidstar 1250 Radio Promotion   King Of Suede   Lame Claim To Fame   Lasagna   Laundry Day   Leisure Suit Serenade   Let Me Be Your Hog   Let's Bomb Iraq   Like A Surgeon   Livin' In The Fridge   Living With A Hernia   Llama Song   Make My Boobies 1 More Size   Make My Boobies One More Size   Matter Of Crust   Melanie   Midnight Star   Midnight Star [*]   Mission Statement   Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm   Money For Nothing, Beverly Hillbillies   Money For Nothing/Beverly Hillbillies   Mr Frump In The Iron Lung   Mr Popiel   Mr. Frump In The Iron Lung   Mr. Popeil   My Baby's In Love With Eddie Vedder   My Baby\'s In Love With Eddie Vedder   My Baby's In Love With Eddie Vedder   My Bologna   My Own Eyes   Nature Trail To Hell   Never Met A Person As Wonderful As Me   Night Santa Went Crazy   Nobody Here But Us Frogs   Now That's What I Call Polka   NOW That's What I Call Polka!   Now That's What I Call Polka   Ode to a Superhero   One More Minute   One Of Those Days   Pac Man   Pacman   Pancreas   Pancreas   Party at the Leper Colony   Party In The CIA   Party In The CIA   Perform This Way   Phoney Calls   Phony Calls   Phony Calls (Parody of "Waterfalls" by TLC)   Pigeons   Please Don't Wear Your Thong (Thong Song Parody)   Polka Face   Polka Face   Polka Face   Polka Party   Polka Party!   Polka Party!   Polka Patterns   Polka Power!   Polka Your Eyes Out   Polkamon   Polkarama!   Polkas On 45   Poodle   Pretty Fly For A Rabbi   Pretty Fly For A Rabi   RealRadio 104.1   Rice, Rice Baby   Ricky   Ringtone   Rocky Road   Rye Or The Kaiser   School Cafeteria - Version 1   School Cafeteria - Version 2   Shark   She Drives Like Crazy   She Never Told Me She Was A Mime   Since You're Been Gone   Since You've Been Gone   Since You've Been Gone - Live   Since You\'ve Been Gone   Since You've Been Gone   Six Words Long   Skipper Dan   Slime Creatures From Outer Space   Smells Like Nirvana   Smoke A Bowl   Smoke A Bowl (Coca Cola Parody)   Snack All Night   Snails   Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut   Spam   Spameater   Spatula City   Sports Song   Spy Hard   Spy Hard (theme From The Motion Picture Spy Hard)   Star Wars Cantina   Star Wars Copa Cabana   Star Wars Gangsta Rap   Star Wars Gangster Rap   Star Wars: The Saga Begins   Steak Number 3   Stop Draggin' My Car Around   Stop Draggin' My Car Around   Stop Dragging My Car Around   Stop Forwarding That Crap To Me   Stuck In A Closet With Vanna White   Such A Groovy Guy   Syndicated Inc.   Syndicated Inc. (Parody of "Misery" by Soul Asylum...   Tacky   Taco Grande   Take Me Down   Take Me To The Liver   Take The "L" Out Of Liver   Talk Soup   That Boy could Dance   The Alternative Polka   The Backwards Section From Nature Trail To Hell   The Ballad Of Kent Marlow   The Beer Song   The Beverly Hillbillies Miss You   The Biggest Ball Of Twine In Minnesota   The Brady Bunch   The Check's In The Mail   The Check's In The Mail   The Devil Went Down To Jamaica   The Hot Rocks Polka   The Jedi song   The Night Santa Went Crazy   The Night Santa Went Crazy (Extra Gory Version)   The Night Santa Went Crazy (Extra Gory)   The Plumbing Song   The Rye And The Kaiser   The Saga Begins   The Saga Begins (american Pie Adaptiton)   The Saga Begins (Lyrical Adaption of "American Pie...   The Weird Al Show Theme   The White Stuff   The Yoda Chant   Theme From Rocky XIII   Theme from Rocky XIII (The Rye or the Kaiser)   Theme from Rocky XIII (The Rye or the Kaiser)   This Is The Life   Title of The Song in Question   TMZ   TMZ   Toothless People   Traffic Jam   Trapped in the Drive-Thru   Trapped In The Drive-Thru   Trapped in the Drive-Thru   Trash Day   Trash Day (Parody of "Hot in Herre" by Nelly)   Trigger Happy   Truck Drivin' Song   Truck Drivin\' Song   Truck Drivin' Song   TV Tan   Twister   Ugly Girl   Ugly Girl (Barbie Girl Parody)   Ugly Irl   UHF   UHF [Single Version]   Unicorn   Velvet Elvis   Virus Alert   Vulture   Waffle King   Walking Around In Women's Underwear   Wanna B Ur Lovr   Wannabe Stromtrooper   We Got The Beef   We're All Gay (backstreet Boys)   Weasel Stomping Day   Weasel Stomping Day   Weenie In A Bottle   Weird Al - Pretty Fly For A Rabbi   What If God Smoked Cannabis   Whatever You Like   When I Was Your Age   Which Backstreet Boy is Gay   White & Nerdy   White & Nerdy   White & Nerdy   White And Nerdy   Whole Lotta Lunch   Why Does This Always Happen To Me?   Windows 95 Sucks!   With Legs Wide Open   Won't Eat Prunes Again   Word Crimes   Yo!!! This Is A Digrace   Yoda   Yoda Chant   You Don't Love Me Anymore   You Don't Take Your Showers   You Don't Love Me Anymore   You Light Up My Life   You Make Me   You're Pitiful   Young, Dumb & Ugly   Young, Dumb & Ugly   Young, Dumb, and Ugly   your horoscope 4 today   Your Horoscope For Today

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