Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)Ike Willis (lead vocals)Peter Wolf (keyboards)Tommy Mars (keyboards)Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)Ed Mann (percussion)Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)Jeff (tenor saxophone)Marginal Chagrin (baritone saxophone)Stumuk (bass saxophone)Dale Bozzio (vocals)Al Malkin (vocals)Craig Steward (harmonica)A boring old garage in a residential area with a teen-age band rehearsing in it. JOE (the main character in the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER'S Special Presentation) sings to us of the trials and tribulations of garage-band husbandry.Central Scrutinizer:We take you now, to a garage, in Canoga Park.Frank Zappa:(It makes it's own sauce...)Joe:It wasn't very largeThere was just enough room to cram the drumsIn the corner over by the DodgeIt was a fifty-fourWith a mashed up doorAnd a cheesy little ampWith a sign on the front said Fender ChampAnd a second hand guitarIt was a Stratocaster with a whammy barAt this point, LARRY (a guy who will eventually give up music and earn a respectable living as a roadie for a group called Toad-O) joins in the song...Larry:We could jam in Joe's GarageHis mama was screamin'His dad was madWe was playin' the same old songIn the afternoon 'n' sometimes we wouldPlay it all night longIt was all we knew, 'n' easy tooSo we wouldn't get it wrongAll we did was bend the string like...Hey!Down in Joe's GarageWe didn't have no dope or LSDBut a coupla quartsa beerWould fix it so the intonationWould not offend yer earAnd the same old chords goin' over 'n' overBecame a symphonyWe would play it again 'n' again 'n' again'Cause it sounded good to meONE MORE TIME!We could jam in Joe's GarageHis mama was screamin',TURN IT DOWN!We was playing' the same old songIn the afternoon 'n' sometimes we wouldPlay it all night longIt was all we knew, and easy tooSo we wouldn't get it wrongEven if you played it on a saxophoneWe thought we was pretty goodWe talked about keepin' the band together'N' we figured that we should'Cause about this time we was gettin' the eyeFrom the girls in the neighborhoodThey'd all come over 'n' dance aroundlike...Twenty teen-age girls dashin and go STOMP-CLAP,STOMP-CLAP-CLAP...So we picked out a stupid nameHad some cards printed up for a coupla bucks'N' we was on our way to fameGot matching suits 'N' Beatle Boots'N' a sign on the back of the car'N' we was ready to work in a GO-GO BarONE TWO THREE FOURLET'S SEE IF YOU GOT SOME MORE!People seemed to like our songThey got up 'n' danced 'n' made a lotta noiseAn' it wasn't 'fore very longA guy from a company we can't nameSaid we oughta take his pen'N' sign on the line for a real good timeBut he didn't tell us whenThese good times would be somethin'That was really happenin'So the band broke upAn' it looks likeWe will never play again...Joe:Guess you only get one chance in lifeTo play a song that goes like...(And, as the band plays their little song,MRS. BORG (who keeps her son SY,in the closet with the vacuum cleaner)screams out the window...Mrs. Borg:Turn it down!Turn it DOWN!I have children sleeping here...Don't you boys know any nice songs?Joe:(Speculating on the future)Well the years was rollin' by, yeahHeavy Metal 'n' Glitter RockHad caught the public eye, yeahSnotty boys with lipstick onWas really flyin' high, yeah'N' then they got that Disco thing'N' New Wave came along'N' all of a sudden I thought the timeHad come for that old songWe used to play in Joe's GarageAnd if I am not wrongYou will soon be dancin' to...Central Scrutinizer:The WHITE ZONE isfor loading andunloading only. If yougotta load or unload,go to the WHITEZONE. You'll love it...Joe:Well the years was rollin' by (etc.)...Mrs. Borg:I'm calling THE POLICE!I did it! They'll be here...shortly!Officer Butzis:This is the Police...Mrs. Borg:I'm not joking around anymoreOfficer Butzis:We have the garage surroundedIf you give yourself upWe will not harm youOr hurt you neitherMrs. Borg:You'll see themOfficer Butzis:This is the PoliceMrs. Borg:There they are, they're coming!Officer Butzis:Give yourself upWe will not harm youMrs. Borg:Listen to that mess, would you?Officer Butzis:This is the PoliceGive yourself upWe have the garage surroundedMrs. Borg:Everday this goes on around here!Officer Butzis:We will not harm you, or maim you(SWAT Team 4, move in!)Mrs. Borg:He used cut my grass...He was very nice boy...That's DISGUSTING!!Central Scrutinizer:This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...That was Joe's first confrontation with The Law.Naturally, we were easy on him.One of our friendly counselors gave himA do-nut...and told him toStick closer to church-oriented social activities.
Lyrics by Frank Zappa
"A Different Octave" "A Kayak (On Snow)" "A Very Nice Body" "Attack! Attack! Attack!" "Dark Water!" "Don't Eat There" "Don't Take Me Down" "Flowing Inside-Out" "Have You Ever Heard Their Band?" "Here Comes The Gear, Lads" "How The Pigs' Music Works" \ \"No No No\" & Quot;No No No & Quot ; "A Different Octave" "A Kayak (On Snow)" "A Very Nice Body" "Attack! Attack! Attack!" "Cold Light Generation" "Dark Water!" "Don't Eat There" "Don't Take Me Down" "Flowing Inside-Out" "Have You Ever Heard Their Band?" "Here Comes The Gear, Lads" "How The Pigs' Music Works" 200 Years Old 50 \/ 50 50/50 9/8 Objects 9\/8 Objects A Bunch Of Adventures A Diffrent Octave A Few Moments With Brother A. West A Game Of Cards A Great Guy A Kayak ( On Snow ) A Little Green Rosetta A Nun Suit Painted On Some Old Boxes A Pound for a Brown A Pound For A Brown (On The Bus) A Pound For A Brown On The Bus A Small Eternity With Yoko Ono A Token Of My Extreme A Tunnel Into Muck A Typical Sound Check A Version Of Himself A Very Nice Body Absolutely Free Absolutely Free [Instrumental] Advance Romance Agency Man Alien Orifice Alley Cat Almost Chinese America Drinks America Drinks & Goes Home America Drinks & Goes Home America Drinks & Goes Home Amnerika Amnesia Vivace Ancient Armaments Andy Any Downers? Any Kind Of Pain Any Way The Wind Blows Any Way The Wind Blows (in album Cruising With Rub... Any Way The Wind Blows (in album Cruising With Rub... Anything Anyway The Wind Blows Apostrophe Apostrophe(') Approximate Are You Hung Up Are You Hung Up? Are You Upset? Artificial Rhonda At The Gas Station Attack! Attack! Attack! Babbette Babette Baby Snakes Baby, Take Your Teeth Out Bacon Fat Bad Acting Baked - Bean Boogie Baked-Bean Boogie Bamboozled By Love Be - Bop Tango Be In My Video Be-Bop Tango Be-Bop Tango (Of The Old Jazzmen's Church) Be-bop Tango (Of The Old Jazzmen's Church) Beat It With Your Fist Beauty Knows No Pain Beer Shampoo Big Leg Emma Billie The Mountain Billy The Mountain Bit Of Nostalgia Black Napkins Black Napkins (The Deathless Horsie) Black Page Bobby Brown Bobby Brown Goes Down Bogus Pomp Botulism On The Hoof Bow Tie Daddy Briefcase Boogie Broken Hearts Are For Assholes Brown Moses Brown Shoes Don't Make It Brown Shoes Don't Make It (in album Tinseltown Reb... Brown Shoes Don't Make It But Who Was Fulcanelli? Bwana Dik Call Any Vegetable Call Any Vegetable (in album Just Another Band Fro... Camarillo Brillo Camirillo Brillo Can't Afford No Shoes Can't Afford No Shoes Canadian Customs Canard Du Jour Canarsie Carol, You Fool Carolina Hard - Core Ecstasy Carolina Hard-Core Ecstasy Carolina Hard-Core Ecstasy (in album You Can't Do ... Catholic Girls Centerville Chalk Pie Champagne Lecture Chana In De Bushwop Charles Ives Charlie's Enormous Mouth Charlie's Enormous Mouth Charva Cheap Thrills Cheepnis Childish Perversions Chocolate Halvah Chunga's Revenge Church Chat City Of Tiny Lights City Of Tiny Lites City Of Tiny Lites (in album You Can't Do That On ... Cletus Awreetus-Awrightus Clowns On Velvet Cocaine Decisions Cock - Suckers' Ball Cock-Suckers' Ball Cold Light Generation Concentration Moon Concentration Moon, Part One Concentration Moon, Part Two Conehead Cops & Buns Cops & Buns Cops Buns Cosmik Debris Cosmik Debris [Basic Tracks - Take 3] Cradle Rock Cruising For Burgers Cucamonga Daddy, Daddy, Daddy Dance Contest Dancin' Fool Dancin' Fool Dark Water! Dead Girls Of London Dear Jeepers Deathless Horsie Debra Kadabra Dental Hygeine Dilemma Dental Hygiene Dilemma Deseri Dew On The Newts We Got Dickie's Such An Asshole Didja Get Any Onya? Dinah-Moe Humm Dinah-Moe-Hum Diptheria Blues Directly From My Heart To You Dirty Love Disco Boy Diseases Of The Band Divan Do Not Pass Go Do Not Try This At Home Do You Like My New Car? Does This Kind Of Life Look Interesting To You? Dog Breath Dog Breath, In The Year Of The Plague Don't Eat The Yellow Snow Don't You Ever Wash That Thing? Don't Eat The Yellow Snow Don't You Ever Wash That Thing? Dong Work For Yuda Doreen Doreen (in album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymor... Drafted Again Drooling Midrange Accountants On Easter Hay Drop Dead Drowning Witch Drums Are Too Noisy Duke Of Prunes Dumb All Over Dummy Up Easy Meat Echidna's Arf Echidna's Arf (Of You) Echidna's Arf Eddie Are You Kidding? Eddie, Are You Kidding? Electric Aunt Jemima Elvis Has Just Left The Building Epilogue Evelyn, A Modified Dog Every Time I See You Excentrifugal Forz F.Z./JCB Drum Duet F.Z.\/JCB Drum Duet Farther O'Blivion Father O'bliviion Father O'Blivion Father O'blivion Fembot In A Wet T-shirt Fifty - Fifty Fifty-Fifty Find Her Finer Fine Girl Flakes Flambay Florentine Pogen Flower Punk Flowing Inside - Out Flowing Inside-Out Food Gathering In Post-industrial America, 1992 For Calvin For Calvin (And His Next Two Hitch-Hikers) For Duane For The Young Sophisticate Fountain Of Love Friendly Little Finger Friendly Little Finger [Instrumental] Frogs With Dirty Little Lips Galoot up - Date Galoot Up-Date Gee, I Like Your Pants Geneva Farewell German Lunch Get A Little Go Cry On Somebody Else's Shoulder Go Cry On Somebody Else's Shoulder Goa Goblin Girl God Bless America Going For The Money Half A Dozen Provocative Squats Handsome Cabin Boy Happy Together Happy Together (Bonner\/Gordon) Harder Than Your Husband Harry - as - a - Boy Harry & Rhonda Harry & Rhonda Harry Rhonda Harry-As-A-Boy Harry, You're A Beast Harry, You're A Beast He Used To Cut The Grass He's Right He's So Gay He's Watching Us He's Right He's Watching Us Heavenly Bank Account Heavy Duty Judy Help, I'm A Rock Help, I'm A Rock Here Comes The Gear, Lads Here Lies Love Hitch Hike Holding The Group Back Holiday In Berlin Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me? Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me? Hordern Intro (Incan Art Vamp) Hot & Stupid Hot Plate Heaven At The Green Hotel Hot Poop Hot-plate Heaven At The Green Hotel Hotel Atlanta Incidentals Hound Dog How Could I Be Such a Fool How Could I Be Such A Fool (in album Cruising With... How Could I Be Such A Fool (in album Cruising With... How Could I Be Such A Fool? How The Pigs' Music Works How's Your Bird How's Your Bird? How's Your Bird Hungry Freaks, Daddy I Ain't Got No Heart I Ain't Got No Heart (in album Tinseltown Rebellio... I Ain't Got No Heart I Come From Nowhere I Don't Even Care I Don't Wanna Get Drafted I Had A Dream About That I Have Been In You I Promise Not To Come In Your Mouth I Wish Motorhead Would Come Back I'm A Beautiful Guy I'm Not Satisfied I'm Not Satisfied (in album Cruising With Ruben & ... I'm Not Satisfied (in album Cruising With Ruben &a... I'm So Cute I'm Stealing The Towels I'm The Slime I'm So Happy I Could Cry Ian Underwood Whips It Out If Only She Woulda If We'd All Been Living In California... In France In Your Mouth Inca Roads Invocation & Ritual Dance of The Young Pumpkin Invocation And Ritual Dance Of The Young Pumpkin It Can't Happen Here It Just Might Be a One - Shot Deal It Just Might Be A One-Shot Deal Janet's Big Dance Number JCB & Kansas On The Bus #1 JCB & Kansas On The Bus #2 JCB & Kansas On The Bus #1 JCB & Kansas On The Bus #2 Jcb Kansas on The Bus #1 Jcb Kansas on The Bus #2 Jelly Roll Gum Drop Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk Jewish Princess Jezebel Boy Joe's Garage Johnny Darling Jones Crusher Jumbo Go Away Just One More Time Kaiser Rolls Kaiser Rolls (Du Jour) Kangaroos Keep It Greasey Keep It Greasy Kenny's Booger Story King Kong Later That Night Latex Solar Beef Lemme Take You To The Beach Let's Make The Water Turn Black Let's Move To Cleveland Letter From Jeepers Library Card Like It Or Not Little Girl Of Mine Little Green Scratchy Sweaters & Courduroy Ponce Little Green Scratchy Sweaters & Courduroy Pon... Little Green Scratchy Sweaters Courduroy Ponce Little House I Used To Live In Little House I Used To Live In (in album Fillmore ... Little Rubber Girl Lonely Little Girl Lonely Little Girl [Instrumental] Lonesome Cowboy Burt Lonesome Cowboy Nando Lonesome Electric Turkey Lost in a Whirlpool Louie Louie Love Of My Life Love of My Life [Alternative Version] Love Story Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up Lumpy Gravy I Magdalena Magic Fingers Make A Sex Noise Man With The Woman Head Marqueson's Chicken Mary Lou Master Ringo Memories Of El Monte (1962) Meow Moggio Mom & Dad Mom & Dad Mom Dad Montana More Trouble Every Day Mother People Motherly Love Mount St. Mary's Concert Excerpt Mozart Ballet - Piano Sonata in B flat Mr. Green Genes Ms. Pinky MsPinky Mudd Club Mudd Club (in album Thing-Fish) Muffin Man Murder By Numbers My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama (in album You Ca... My Head? Mystery Roach N - Lite Nanook Rubs It Nasal Retentive Calliope Music Nig Biz No Not Now No Not Now (in album Thing-fish) No Waiting For The Peanuts To Dissolve No, No Cherry Oh No On The Bus Our Bizarre Relationship Outside Now Outside Now (in album Broadway The Hard Way) Packard Goose Panty Rap Peaches En Regalia Peaches III Penis Dimension Piano/Drum Duet Piano\/Drum Duet Pick Me, I'm Clean Pinocchio's Furniture Planet Of My Dreams Planet Of The Baritone Women Plastic People Po - Jama People Po-Jama People Poofter's Froth Wyoming Plans Ahead Porn Wars Prelude To The Afternoon Of A Sexually Aroused Gas... Progress? Prologue Promiscuous Proto - Minimalism Proto-Minimalism Punky's Whips Put A Little Motor In 'em Pygmy Twylyte Rat Tomago Redneck Eats Religious Superstition Return of The Hunch - Back Duke Return Of The Hunch-Back Duke Return of the Son of Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar Rhymin' Man Ride My Face to Chicago Right There Road Ladies Ronnie Sings? Ronnie's Booger Story Room Service Rubber Shirt Rudy Wants To Buy Yez A Drink Run Home Slow: Main Title Theme Ruthie - Ruthie Saliva Can Only Take So Much Sam With The Showing Scalp Flat Top San Ber'dino Satumaa Scrutinizer Postlude Scum Bag Semi-Fraudulent/Direct-From-Hollywood Overture Semi-Fraudulent\/Direct-From-Hollywood Overture Sex Shall We Take Ourselves Seriously? Sharleena She Painted Up Her Face Shove It Right In Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar Some More Sleep Dirt Sleeping In A Jar Smell My Beard Society Pages Sofa #1 Sofa #2 Soft - Sell Conclusion Soft-Sell Conclusion Someplace Else Right Now Son Of MrGreen Genes Son Of Orange County Son Of Suzy Creamcheese Soup 'n Old Clothes Spider Of Destiny St Alphonzo's Pancake Breakfast St. Alphonzo's Pancake Breakfast StAlfonzo s Pancake Breakfast Status Back Baby Stevie's Spanking Stick It Out Stick Together Stink Foot Stink-Foot Strictly Genteel (The Finale) Stuff Up The Cracks Suicide Chump Sy Borg T**ties & Beer Take Me Out To The Ball Game Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance Tears Began To Fall Teen - Age Prostitute Teen-Age Prostitute Teen-Age Wind Teenage Wind Telephone Conversation Tell Me You Love Me Tengo Na Minchia Tanta Texas Medley That Evil Prince That Would Be The End Of That The World's Greatest Sinner The 'Torchum' Never Stops The Air The Birth of Captain Beefheart The Black Page The Black Page Drum Solo/Black Page #1 The Black Page Drum Solo\/Black Page #1 The Blackouts The Blue Light The Booger Man The Central Scrutinizer The Closer You Are The Crab - Grass Baby The Crab-Grass Baby The Dangerous Kitchen The Dead Girls Of London The Dick Kunc Story The Downtown Talent Scout The Duke Of Prunes The Duke Regains His Chops The Evil Prince The Florida Airport Tape The Girl Wants To Fix Him Some Broth The Girl's Dream The Grand Wazoo The Groupie Routine The Gumbo Variations The Idiot Bastard Son The Illinois Enema Bandit The Jazz Discharge Party Hats The Jimmy Carl Black Philosophy Lesson The Lad Searches The Night For His Newts The Little March The M.O.I. Anti-Smut Loyalty Oath The Madison Panty-Sniffing Festival The Mammy Nuns The Man From Utopia The Man From Utopia Meets Mary Lou The Massive Improve'lence The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing (in album Thing-Fis... The Motel Room The Mud Shark The Nancy & Mary Music The Nancy & Mary Music The Nancy Mary Music The Orange County Lumber Truck The Pigs' Music The Poodle Lecture The Radio Is Broken The Rejected Mexican Pope Leaves The Stage The Return Of The Son Of Monster Magnet The Sealed Tuna Bolero The Sheik Yerbouti Tango The Torture Never Stops The Torture Never Stops (in album You Can't Do Tha... The Uncle Meat Variations The Untouchables The Voice Of Cheese The White Boy Troubles The Worst Reviews Them Or Us Theme From The 3rd Mvmt Of \ Theme From The 3rd Mvmt Of \"Sinister Footwear\" Theme from The 3rd Mvmt of & Quot;Sinister Foo... They Made Me Eat It This Ain't CNN This Is All Wrong This Is Phaze I I I This is Phaze III This Town is a Sealed Tuna Sandwich This Town Is A Sealed Tuna Sandwich (Prologue) This Town Is A Sealed Tuna Sandwich (Reprise) Tiger Roach Time Is Money Tink Walks Amok Tinseltown Rebellion Tiny Sick Tears Titties 'N' Beer Titties & Beer Titties & Beer Titties Beer Toads Of The Short Forest Transylvania Boogie Trouble Every Day Trouble Every Day (in album Does Humor Belong In M... Trouble Every Day (in album You Can't Do That On S... Truck Driver Divorce Tryin' To Grow A Chin Tuna Fish Promenade Tush Tush Tush Twenty Small Cigars Uncle Bernie's Farm Uncle Remus Uncle Remus [Mix Outtake] Undaunted, The Band Plays On Underground Freak - Out Music Underground Freak-Out Music Valarie Valley Girl Variations on the Carlos Santana Secret Chord Prog... Very Distraughtening Village Of The Sun Watermelon In Easter Hay Watermelon In Eastern Hay We Are Not Alone We Can Shoot You We Gotta Get Into Something Real We're Turning Again Weasels Ripped My Flesh Wet T - Shirt Nite Wet T-Shirt Nite What Ever Happened To All The Fun In The World What Kind Of Girl Do You Think We Are? What Kind Of Girl? What Will This Evening Bring Me This Morning What's New In Baltimore? What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body? What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body? (Reprise) When The Lie's So Big Where Is Johnny Velvet? Where's Our Equipment? Whippin' Post Whippin' Post (in album Does Humor Belong In Music... White Ugliness Who Are The Brain Police? Who Needs The Peace Corps? Who Needs the Peace Corps? [Instrumental] Why Does It Hurt When I Pee? Why Don't You Like Me? Why Don'tcha Do Me Right? Why Johnny Can't Read Why Not? Wild Love Willie The Pimp Willie The Pimp (in album You Can't Do That On Sta... Willie The Pimp Part One & Willie The Pimp Part Tw... Wind Up Workin' In A Gas Station Wind Up Workin' In The Gas Station Wind Up Working In A Gas Station Wistful With a Fist - Full Wistful With A Fist-Full Won Ton On Wonderful Tattoo! Wonderful Wino Would You Go All The Way? Would You Like A Snack? Wowie Zowie WPLJ Xmas Values Ya Hozna Yo Cats Yo' Mama You Are What You Is You Are What You Is (in album Thing-fish) You Call That Music? You Didn't Try To Call Me You Didn't Try To Call Me (in album Cruising With ... You Didn't Try To Call Me (in album Cruising With ... You're Just Insultin' Me, Aren't You! You're Probably Wondering Why I'm Here Your Mouth Zomby Woof Zoot Allures Zoot Allures [Instrumental]
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