Billy The Mountain
Frank Zappa

Mark Volman (lead vocals)
Howard Kaylan (lead vocals)
Ian Underwood (woodwinds, keyboards, vocals)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Don Preston (keyboards, mini-moog)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals)

Billy the Mountain
Billy the Mountain
A regular picturesque
Postcardy mountain
Residing between lovely
Rosamond and Gorman
With his stunning wife Ethel
A tree, a tree.

Billy was a Mountain
Ethel was a tree growing off of his shoulder
Billy was a Mountain
Billy was a Mountain
Ethel was a tree growing off of his shoulder
Ethel was a tree growing off of his shoulder
( Hey, hey, hey! )
Billy had two big
Caves for eyes
With a cliff for a jaw
That would go up or down
And whenever it did
He'd puff out some dust
And hack up a boulder, hack.
Hack up a boulder, hack, hack.
Hack up a boulder, hack, hack.
Hack up a boulder.

Now, one day, and I believe it was on Tuesday, a man in checkered double-knit suit drove up in large El Dorado Cadillac leased from Bob Spreene ( Where the freeways meet in Downey! ) and he laid a huge bulging envelope right at the corner of BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, that was right where his foot was supposed to be. Now BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, he couldn't believe it: All those postcards he'd posed for, for all of those years, and finally, now at last, his royalties! Royalties, royalties, royalties! The royalty check is in, honey! ... Yes, BILLY THE MOUNTAIN was rich! Yes, and his eyeball caves, they widened in amazement... and his jaw, which was a cliff, well it ... it dropped thirty feet! A bunch of dust puffed out ... rocks and boulders hacked up, hack! hack! ... crushing the Lincoln ...

I gave him the money
He acted real funny
He hacked up a rock and
It totaled my car
Oh do you
Know any trucks
Might be bound for the valley
I don't wanna stand here
All night in this bar
( Dear Lord )
I don't wanna stand here
All night in this bar
( No shit )
I don't wanna stand here
All night in this bar

By two o'clock, when bars had already closed down, Billy had broken the big news to Ethel, AHHHH, and with dust and boulders everywhere, Billy, choked with exitement, announced: Ethel, we're going on a vacation!... Yes, and they were going on a vacation, oh, and Ethel, Ethel, Ethel, like any little woman, she of course was very excited ... she creaked a little bit, and some old birds flew off of her. Billy told Ethel they were going to... yes, they where going to New York! Ethel, we're going to... New York! But first they were gonna stop in Las Vegas...

It's off to Las Vegas to check out the lounges,
Pull a few handles and drink a few beers, oh Ethel,
Ethel, my darling, you know that I love you,
I'm glad we could have a vacation this year,
Oh neat-o, glad we could have a vacation this year.

They left that night, crunchin' across the Mojave Desert, their voices echoing thru the canyons of your minds... Ethel, wanna get a cuppa cawfee? Howard Johnson's, ahhh there's a Howard Johnson's! ... Wanna eat some clams? ...

The first noteworhty piece of real estate they destroyed was Edwards Air Force Base. And to this very day, wing-nuts and data reduction clerks alike speak in reverent whispers about that fateful night when Test Stand Number One and the rocket sled itself got LUNCHED, I said LUNCHED, by a famous mountain and his small wooden wife ...

Word just in to the KTTV news service undeniably links this mountain and his wife to drug abuse and payoffs as part of San Joaquin Valley smut ring. However, we can assure parents in the Southern California area that a recent narcotic crackdown in Torrence ... Hawthorne ... Lomita ... Westchester ... Playa del Rey ... Santa Monica ... Tujunga ... Sunland ... San Fernando ... Pacoima ... Sylmar ... Newhall ... Canoga Park ... Palmdale ... Glendale ... Irwindale ... Rolling Hills ... Granada Hills ... Shadow Hills ... Cheviot Hills ... will provide the secret evidence the Palmdale Grand Jury has needed to seek a criminal indictement and pave the way for stiffer legislation, increased federal aid, and avert a crippling strike of bartenders and veterinarians throughout the inland empire ...

Within the week, Jerry Lewis had hosted a telethon ( La La La nice lady ) to raise funds for the injured, injured, and homeless, homeless in Glendale, as Billy had just levelled it. And a few miles right outside of town Billy caused a 'Oh mine/my(?) papa' in the earth's crust, right over the secret underground dumps, right near the Jack In The Box on Glenoaks where they keep the pools of old poison gas and obsolete germs bombs, just as a freak tornado cruised through ... Yes, it was about three o'clock in the afternoon when little Howard Kaplan was sitting on his porch ( Toto...!) just playing ( Come here, Toto ...!) and having a nice time with his little accordion, (Toto...!) and this weird wind came up, direct from Glendale, blowing those terrible germs in his direction ... and all this caused by huge mountain (Aunty Em) somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds fly, sucking up two-thirds of it ( suck, suck, suck) for an ultimetly dispersal over vast stretches of ... WATTS!!!

Now, unless I misunderstood, it was right outside of Columbus, Ohio when Billy received his notice to report for his induction physical. Now lemme tell ya, Ethel said, now Ethel, Ethel said she wasn't gonna let him go ... I'm not gonna let you go, Billy ... that's right, we now have confirmed reports from an informed Orange County minister that Ethel is still an active communist and it is this reporter's opinion that she also practices covent WITCH-CRAFT ...

It was about this time that the telephone rang inside of the secret briefcase belonging to one mortal man who might be able to stop all of this senseless destruction and save America herself. And I'm sorry to disappoint some of you, it was not Chief Redden. This one man was Studebacher Hoch, fantastic new super hero of the current economic slump. Now, some folks say he looked like Zubin Mehta (Zubin Mehta); still others say Bullshit, honey, it was just another greasy guy who happened to be born next to the frozen beef pies at Boney's Market...; still others say Pshaw/Shaun(?), and piss on you, Jack, he's just a crazy Iatlian who drove a red car ... You see, nobody ever really knew for sure because Studebacher was sooooo mysterious ....

He was so ( he was so, he was so) mysterious
He was so ( he was so, he was so) mysterious
'Cuz when a person gets to be such a hero, folks
And marvelouse beyond compute
You can never really tell about a guy like that
Whether he's really a nice person
Or if he just smiles a lot
Or if he has a son named Pinocchio or what.
Whether he's really a nice person
Or if he has a son named Pinocchio or what.
Some men say he could fly
Some men say he could swim
Others say he could sing like Neil Sedaka,
And all the girls in Flushing would be amazed of him
Two, three amazed of him ... amazed ...

Time passed. January, February, March, July, Wednesdey, August, Irwindale, two-thirty in the afternoon, Sunday, Monday, Funny Cars, Walnuts, City of Industry, Big John Masamanian ... So when the phone ring in the secret briefcase, a strong masculine hand with a Dudley Do-Right wristwatch and flexy braclet grabbed it and answered in a deep, calmly assured voice: So... ah... yeah, yeah hello already ... what? ... well, yeah? ... Ah-are you kidding? ... You're not kidding ... a mountain ... with a tree growing off of its shoulder? Aw, you're fulla shit, man... ah listen, by the way, before you go on; did you get those white albums I sent ya with the pencil on the front, yeah? Yeah, you should move some of those for me ... We're having a lot of,...listen, so kiss little Jakee on the head... and how's your wife's hemorrhoids?...ah, that's too bad...Listen...so you've got a mountain, with a tree, listen, causing...well, let me write this down... sorta take a few notes here...yeah? ...to El Segundo, huh?...causing

untold destruction..( my baby, my baby )...wanted for draft evasion?... an expense account? ... and per diem, too?...

SOME MEN SAY HE COULD DANCE
They said he could dance
And of course they were right ...

Ladies and gentelmen, this is it: The Studebacher Hoch Dancing Lesson & Cosmic Prayer For Guidence, featuring Aynsley Dunbar! ... HIT IT! ...
TWIRLY, TWIRLY, TWIRLY, TWIRLY, TWIRLY, Fillmore ...
Hey, right hand from a heart
Left hand from a heart
Right hand from a heart
Left hand from a left shoulder
To the heart. Fillmore, Fillmore ...
Nobody can dance like Studebacher Hoch ...
So many rumors have spread about Studebacher Hoch ... consider this rumor which was published about three weeks ago in ROLLING STONE ( oh, it's gotta be true! ) ... Studebacher Hoch can write the Lord's Prayer on the head of a pin! (NO!) do-do-do do-do-doot doot do-do-do ... ... I'm so hip ... beef pies ... he was born next to the beef pies, underneath Joni Mitchell's autographed picture, right beside Elliot Robert's big bank book, next to the boat where Crosby flushed away all his stash and the cops got him in the boat and drove away, to the can where Neil Young slipped another disc ...

[ Frozen ??? pie
Frozen ??? pie
Frozen ??? pie
And that was the main influence on him
The influence of a frozen beef pie ]

Boldly springing into action he phoned his wife who ran a modeling school, whereupon he... yes, he ran around the back of the Broadway at Hollywood Boulevard and Vine to see if he could find himself some big, large, unused cardboard boxes ( no shit! )... after which he hit up the Ralph's on Sunset for some Aunt Jemima syrup, some Kaiser boiler foil and pair of blunt sissors, yeah! ... yes, and in the parking lot of Ralph's ... where no prices are lower prices than Ralph's... in the parking lot of Ralph's, in between a pair of customized trucks where nobody was looking, he cut out some really, really, really nice wings and he covered them thoroughly with foil ...

Then he took those wings and wedged one under each of his powerful arms and sneaked into a telephone booth ..YES,YES!! And then he shut the fucking door! ... And he pulled down his blue denim policeman-type trouser pants, and he spread even amounts of Aunt Jemima maple syrup all over the inside of his legs! ... Soon the booth was filling with flies ( help me! help me! help me! ) ... He held open the legs of his boxer shorts so they could all get in, and when each and every one of those little cocksucking flies had gone into his pants and they were lapping up all that maple syrup, he bent over and he put his head between his legs and he said in a very clear, impressive, Ron-Hubbard-type voice: New York... And the booth and everything lifted up, out of parking lot, and into the sky.

Studebacher Hoch
YEAH, YEAH,
Studebacher Hoch
Studebacher Hoch
Studebacher Hoch
YEAH, YEAH,
Studebacher Hoch
Studebacher Hoch
He's coating his legs
With Aunt Jemima syrup up and down
His shorts will be filled with flies
That will be buzzing all around
Studebacher Hoch is really outa sight
Studebacher Hoch, he does it every night
Studebacher Hoch, he treats the flies all right
Studebacher Hoch
That's why they never bite, hey!

Hey please to New York
Fly to New York

He could be a dog
Or a frog
Or a lesbian queen
(Fly to New York)
He could be a narc
Or a lady marine
Or he might play dirty
He's over thirty
Getting old ...
I don't know
His peculiar attire
And the flies he requires
Keep leading him on
'Cuz Ethel is gone
They keep leading him on
'Cuz Ethel is gone
And the mountain she's on

And speaking of mountains - - we'll join Studebacher Hoch on the edge of BILLY THE MOUNTAIN's mouth .. take it away! ...

Ah ... ya, ya, ya, hey-ah, Billy, listen ... I've come to reason with you ... our great country needs you in the armed forces ... Your number came up ... ya can't go on running like this forever ...

Ah, but Ethel just shook her twigs angrily. But Studebacher Hoch, calm, cool, collected and unperturbed, continued:

Ya, well listen ... listen you communist sonofabitch ... you better get your ass down there for your fuckin' physical or I'll see to it that you get used for fill dirt in some impending New Jersey marsh reclamation ... And your girlfiend there will wind up disguised as series of brooms, primative ironing boards or a dog house ... get the ( cough, cough) get the picture?

Ya, well Billy just laughed:

Ha, ha, ha. If they think they're gonna draft me, they're crazy.

Unfortunately, because Studebacher Hoch was standing on the edge of BILLY THE MOUNTAIN's mouth when the giant mountain laughed ... Studebacher Hoch lost his footing and fell screaming, two hundred feet into the rubble below ... ( Aaahhhhh, oh fuck, I'm gonna need a truss ...)

Ah listen, that only goes to show you
And it'l show you once again that
A mountain is something you don't wanna fuck with
You don't wanna fuck with
Don't fuck around
Don't fuck around
Don't fuck with Billy, No
And don't fuck with Ethel
You saw what just happened
To the guy with the flies

Don't fuck around
Don't fuck around
Don't fuck around
Don't fuck around
Don't fuck around
Don't fuck around
Don't fuck around
With Biddilly, Biddilly
Biddilly The Mountain

Eddie, are you kidding?
Eddie, are you kidding?
Oh I forgot to mention this is where we take our intermission.
we will see you in a few minutes
Thank you, We'll be back.


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Lyrics by Frank Zappa

  "A Different Octave"   "A Kayak (On Snow)"   "A Very Nice Body"   "Attack! Attack! Attack!"   "Dark Water!"   "Don't Eat There"   "Don't Take Me Down"   "Flowing Inside-Out"   "Have You Ever Heard Their Band?"   "Here Comes The Gear, Lads"   "How The Pigs' Music Works"   \   \"No No No\"   & Quot;No No No & Quot ;   "A Different Octave"   "A Kayak (On Snow)"   "A Very Nice Body"   "Attack! Attack! Attack!"   "Cold Light Generation"   "Dark Water!"   "Don't Eat There"   "Don't Take Me Down"   "Flowing Inside-Out"   "Have You Ever Heard Their Band?"   "Here Comes The Gear, Lads"   "How The Pigs' Music Works"   200 Years Old   50 \/ 50   50/50   9/8 Objects   9\/8 Objects   A Bunch Of Adventures   A Diffrent Octave   A Few Moments With Brother A. West   A Game Of Cards   A Great Guy   A Kayak ( On Snow )   A Little Green Rosetta   A Nun Suit Painted On Some Old Boxes   A Pound for a Brown   A Pound For A Brown (On The Bus)   A Pound For A Brown On The Bus   A Small Eternity With Yoko Ono   A Token Of My Extreme   A Tunnel Into Muck   A Typical Sound Check   A Version Of Himself   A Very Nice Body   Absolutely Free   Absolutely Free [Instrumental]   Advance Romance   Agency Man   Alien Orifice   Alley Cat   Almost Chinese   America Drinks   America Drinks & Goes Home   America Drinks & Goes Home   America Drinks & Goes Home   Amnerika   Amnesia Vivace   Ancient Armaments   Andy   Any Downers?   Any Kind Of Pain   Any Way The Wind Blows   Any Way The Wind Blows (in album Cruising With Rub...   Any Way The Wind Blows (in album Cruising With Rub...   Anything   Anyway The Wind Blows   Apostrophe   Apostrophe(')   Approximate   Are You Hung Up   Are You Hung Up?   Are You Upset?   Artificial Rhonda   At The Gas Station   Attack! Attack! Attack!   Babbette   Babette   Baby Snakes   Baby, Take Your Teeth Out   Bacon Fat   Bad Acting   Baked - Bean Boogie   Baked-Bean Boogie   Bamboozled By Love   Be - Bop Tango   Be In My Video   Be-Bop Tango   Be-Bop Tango (Of The Old Jazzmen's Church)   Be-bop Tango (Of The Old Jazzmen's Church)   Beat It With Your Fist   Beauty Knows No Pain   Beer Shampoo   Big Leg Emma   Billie The Mountain   Bit Of Nostalgia   Black Napkins   Black Napkins (The Deathless Horsie)   Black Page   Bobby Brown   Bobby Brown Goes Down   Bogus Pomp   Botulism On The Hoof   Bow Tie Daddy   Briefcase Boogie   Broken Hearts Are For Assholes   Brown Moses   Brown Shoes Don't Make It   Brown Shoes Don't Make It (in album Tinseltown Reb...   Brown Shoes Don't Make It   But Who Was Fulcanelli?   Bwana Dik   Call Any Vegetable   Call Any Vegetable (in album Just Another Band Fro...   Camarillo Brillo   Camirillo Brillo   Can't Afford No Shoes   Can't Afford No Shoes   Canadian Customs   Canard Du Jour   Canarsie   Carol, You Fool   Carolina Hard - Core Ecstasy   Carolina Hard-Core Ecstasy   Carolina Hard-Core Ecstasy (in album You Can't Do ...   Catholic Girls   Centerville   Chalk Pie   Champagne Lecture   Chana In De Bushwop   Charles Ives   Charlie's Enormous Mouth   Charlie's Enormous Mouth   Charva   Cheap Thrills   Cheepnis   Childish Perversions   Chocolate Halvah   Chunga's Revenge   Church Chat   City Of Tiny Lights   City Of Tiny Lites   City Of Tiny Lites (in album You Can't Do That On ...   Cletus Awreetus-Awrightus   Clowns On Velvet   Cocaine Decisions   Cock - Suckers' Ball   Cock-Suckers' Ball   Cold Light Generation   Concentration Moon   Concentration Moon, Part One   Concentration Moon, Part Two   Conehead   Cops & Buns   Cops & Buns   Cops Buns   Cosmik Debris   Cosmik Debris [Basic Tracks - Take 3]   Cradle Rock   Cruising For Burgers   Cucamonga   Daddy, Daddy, Daddy   Dance Contest   Dancin' Fool   Dancin' Fool   Dark Water!   Dead Girls Of London   Dear Jeepers   Deathless Horsie   Debra Kadabra   Dental Hygeine Dilemma   Dental Hygiene Dilemma   Deseri   Dew On The Newts We Got   Dickie's Such An Asshole   Didja Get Any Onya?   Dinah-Moe Humm   Dinah-Moe-Hum   Diptheria Blues   Directly From My Heart To You   Dirty Love   Disco Boy   Diseases Of The Band   Divan   Do Not Pass Go   Do Not Try This At Home   Do You Like My New Car?   Does This Kind Of Life Look Interesting To You?   Dog Breath   Dog Breath, In The Year Of The Plague   Don't Eat The Yellow Snow   Don't You Ever Wash That Thing?   Don't Eat The Yellow Snow   Don't You Ever Wash That Thing?   Dong Work For Yuda   Doreen   Doreen (in album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymor...   Drafted Again   Drooling Midrange Accountants On Easter Hay   Drop Dead   Drowning Witch   Drums Are Too Noisy   Duke Of Prunes   Dumb All Over   Dummy Up   Easy Meat   Echidna's Arf   Echidna's Arf (Of You)   Echidna's Arf   Eddie Are You Kidding?   Eddie, Are You Kidding?   Electric Aunt Jemima   Elvis Has Just Left The Building   Epilogue   Evelyn, A Modified Dog   Every Time I See You   Excentrifugal Forz   F.Z./JCB Drum Duet   F.Z.\/JCB Drum Duet   Farther O'Blivion   Father O'bliviion   Father O'Blivion   Father O'blivion   Fembot In A Wet T-shirt   Fifty - Fifty   Fifty-Fifty   Find Her Finer   Fine Girl   Flakes   Flambay   Florentine Pogen   Flower Punk   Flowing Inside - Out   Flowing Inside-Out   Food Gathering In Post-industrial America, 1992   For Calvin   For Calvin (And His Next Two Hitch-Hikers)   For Duane   For The Young Sophisticate   Fountain Of Love   Friendly Little Finger   Friendly Little Finger [Instrumental]   Frogs With Dirty Little Lips   Galoot up - Date   Galoot Up-Date   Gee, I Like Your Pants   Geneva Farewell   German Lunch   Get A Little   Go Cry On Somebody Else's Shoulder   Go Cry On Somebody Else's Shoulder   Goa   Goblin Girl   God Bless America   Going For The Money   Half A Dozen Provocative Squats   Handsome Cabin Boy   Happy Together   Happy Together (Bonner\/Gordon)   Harder Than Your Husband   Harry - as - a - Boy   Harry & Rhonda   Harry & Rhonda   Harry Rhonda   Harry-As-A-Boy   Harry, You're A Beast   Harry, You're A Beast   He Used To Cut The Grass   He's Right   He's So Gay   He's Watching Us   He's Right   He's Watching Us   Heavenly Bank Account   Heavy Duty Judy   Help, I'm A Rock   Help, I'm A Rock   Here Comes The Gear, Lads   Here Lies Love   Hitch Hike   Holding The Group Back   Holiday In Berlin   Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me?   Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me?   Hordern Intro (Incan Art Vamp)   Hot & Stupid   Hot Plate Heaven At The Green Hotel   Hot Poop   Hot-plate Heaven At The Green Hotel   Hotel Atlanta Incidentals   Hound Dog   How Could I Be Such a Fool   How Could I Be Such A Fool (in album Cruising With...   How Could I Be Such A Fool (in album Cruising With...   How Could I Be Such A Fool?   How The Pigs' Music Works   How's Your Bird   How's Your Bird?   How's Your Bird   Hungry Freaks, Daddy   I Ain't Got No Heart   I Ain't Got No Heart (in album Tinseltown Rebellio...   I Ain't Got No Heart   I Come From Nowhere   I Don't Even Care   I Don't Wanna Get Drafted   I Had A Dream About That   I Have Been In You   I Promise Not To Come In Your Mouth   I Wish Motorhead Would Come Back   I'm A Beautiful Guy   I'm Not Satisfied   I'm Not Satisfied (in album Cruising With Ruben & ...   I'm Not Satisfied (in album Cruising With Ruben &a...   I'm So Cute   I'm Stealing The Towels   I'm The Slime   I'm So Happy I Could Cry   Ian Underwood Whips It Out   If Only She Woulda   If We'd All Been Living In California...   In France   In Your Mouth   Inca Roads   Invocation & Ritual Dance of The Young Pumpkin   Invocation And Ritual Dance Of The Young Pumpkin   It Can't Happen Here   It Just Might Be a One - Shot Deal   It Just Might Be A One-Shot Deal   Janet's Big Dance Number   JCB & Kansas On The Bus #1   JCB & Kansas On The Bus #2   JCB & Kansas On The Bus #1   JCB & Kansas On The Bus #2   Jcb Kansas on The Bus #1   Jcb Kansas on The Bus #2   Jelly Roll Gum Drop   Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk   Jewish Princess   Jezebel Boy   Joe's Garage   Joe's Garage   Johnny Darling   Jones Crusher   Jumbo Go Away   Just One More Time   Kaiser Rolls   Kaiser Rolls (Du Jour)   Kangaroos   Keep It Greasey   Keep It Greasy   Kenny's Booger Story   King Kong   Later That Night   Latex Solar Beef   Lemme Take You To The Beach   Let's Make The Water Turn Black   Let's Move To Cleveland   Letter From Jeepers   Library Card   Like It Or Not   Little Girl Of Mine   Little Green Scratchy Sweaters & Courduroy Ponce   Little Green Scratchy Sweaters & Courduroy Pon...   Little Green Scratchy Sweaters Courduroy Ponce   Little House I Used To Live In   Little House I Used To Live In (in album Fillmore ...   Little Rubber Girl   Lonely Little Girl   Lonely Little Girl [Instrumental]   Lonesome Cowboy Burt   Lonesome Cowboy Nando   Lonesome Electric Turkey   Lost in a Whirlpool   Louie Louie   Love Of My Life   Love of My Life [Alternative Version]   Love Story   Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up   Lumpy Gravy I   Magdalena   Magic Fingers   Make A Sex Noise   Man With The Woman Head   Marqueson's Chicken   Mary Lou   Master Ringo   Memories Of El Monte (1962)   Meow   Moggio   Mom & Dad   Mom & Dad   Mom Dad   Montana   More Trouble Every Day   Mother People   Motherly Love   Mount St. Mary's Concert Excerpt   Mozart Ballet - Piano Sonata in B flat   Mr. Green Genes   Ms. Pinky   MsPinky   Mudd Club   Mudd Club (in album Thing-Fish)   Muffin Man   Murder By Numbers   My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama   My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama (in album You Ca...   My Head?   Mystery Roach   N - Lite   Nanook Rubs It   Nasal Retentive Calliope Music   Nig Biz   No Not Now   No Not Now (in album Thing-fish)   No Waiting For The Peanuts To Dissolve   No, No Cherry   Oh No   On The Bus   Our Bizarre Relationship   Outside Now   Outside Now (in album Broadway The Hard Way)   Packard Goose   Panty Rap   Peaches En Regalia   Peaches III   Penis Dimension   Piano/Drum Duet   Piano\/Drum Duet   Pick Me, I'm Clean   Pinocchio's Furniture   Planet Of My Dreams   Planet Of The Baritone Women   Plastic People   Po - Jama People   Po-Jama People   Poofter's Froth Wyoming Plans Ahead   Porn Wars   Prelude To The Afternoon Of A Sexually Aroused Gas...   Progress?   Prologue   Promiscuous   Proto - Minimalism   Proto-Minimalism   Punky's Whips   Put A Little Motor In 'em   Pygmy Twylyte   Rat Tomago   Redneck Eats   Religious Superstition   Return of The Hunch - Back Duke   Return Of The Hunch-Back Duke   Return of the Son of Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar   Rhymin' Man   Ride My Face to Chicago   Right There   Road Ladies   Ronnie Sings?   Ronnie's Booger Story   Room Service   Rubber Shirt   Rudy Wants To Buy Yez A Drink   Run Home Slow: Main Title Theme   Ruthie - Ruthie   Saliva Can Only Take So Much   Sam With The Showing Scalp Flat Top   San Ber'dino   Satumaa   Scrutinizer Postlude   Scum Bag   Semi-Fraudulent/Direct-From-Hollywood Overture   Semi-Fraudulent\/Direct-From-Hollywood Overture   Sex   Shall We Take Ourselves Seriously?   Sharleena   She Painted Up Her Face   Shove It Right In   Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar   Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar Some More   Sleep Dirt   Sleeping In A Jar   Smell My Beard   Society Pages   Sofa #1   Sofa #2   Soft - Sell Conclusion   Soft-Sell Conclusion   Someplace Else Right Now   Son Of MrGreen Genes   Son Of Orange County   Son Of Suzy Creamcheese   Soup 'n Old Clothes   Spider Of Destiny   St Alphonzo's Pancake Breakfast   St. Alphonzo's Pancake Breakfast   StAlfonzo s Pancake Breakfast   Status Back Baby   Stevie's Spanking   Stick It Out   Stick Together   Stink Foot   Stink-Foot   Strictly Genteel (The Finale)   Stuff Up The Cracks   Suicide Chump   Sy Borg   T**ties & Beer   Take Me Out To The Ball Game   Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance   Tears Began To Fall   Teen - Age Prostitute   Teen-Age Prostitute   Teen-Age Wind   Teenage Wind   Telephone Conversation   Tell Me You Love Me   Tengo Na Minchia Tanta   Texas Medley   That Evil Prince   That Would Be The End Of That   The World's Greatest Sinner   The 'Torchum' Never Stops   The Air   The Birth of Captain Beefheart   The Black Page   The Black Page Drum Solo/Black Page #1   The Black Page Drum Solo\/Black Page #1   The Blackouts   The Blue Light   The Booger Man   The Central Scrutinizer   The Closer You Are   The Crab - Grass Baby   The Crab-Grass Baby   The Dangerous Kitchen   The Dead Girls Of London   The Dick Kunc Story   The Downtown Talent Scout   The Duke Of Prunes   The Duke Regains His Chops   The Evil Prince   The Florida Airport Tape   The Girl Wants To Fix Him Some Broth   The Girl's Dream   The Grand Wazoo   The Groupie Routine   The Gumbo Variations   The Idiot Bastard Son   The Illinois Enema Bandit   The Jazz Discharge Party Hats   The Jimmy Carl Black Philosophy Lesson   The Lad Searches The Night For His Newts   The Little March   The M.O.I. Anti-Smut Loyalty Oath   The Madison Panty-Sniffing Festival   The Mammy Nuns   The Man From Utopia   The Man From Utopia Meets Mary Lou   The Massive Improve'lence   The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing   The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing (in album Thing-Fis...   The Motel Room   The Mud Shark   The Nancy & Mary Music   The Nancy & Mary Music   The Nancy Mary Music   The Orange County Lumber Truck   The Pigs' Music   The Poodle Lecture   The Radio Is Broken   The Rejected Mexican Pope Leaves The Stage   The Return Of The Son Of Monster Magnet   The Sealed Tuna Bolero   The Sheik Yerbouti Tango   The Torture Never Stops   The Torture Never Stops (in album You Can't Do Tha...   The Uncle Meat Variations   The Untouchables   The Voice Of Cheese   The White Boy Troubles   The Worst Reviews   Them Or Us   Theme From The 3rd Mvmt Of \   Theme From The 3rd Mvmt Of \"Sinister Footwear\"   Theme from The 3rd Mvmt of & Quot;Sinister Foo...   They Made Me Eat It   This Ain't CNN   This Is All Wrong   This Is Phaze I I I   This is Phaze III   This Town is a Sealed Tuna Sandwich   This Town Is A Sealed Tuna Sandwich (Prologue)   This Town Is A Sealed Tuna Sandwich (Reprise)   Tiger Roach   Time Is Money   Tink Walks Amok   Tinseltown Rebellion   Tiny Sick Tears   Titties 'N' Beer   Titties & Beer   Titties & Beer   Titties Beer   Toads Of The Short Forest   Transylvania Boogie   Trouble Every Day   Trouble Every Day (in album Does Humor Belong In M...   Trouble Every Day (in album You Can't Do That On S...   Truck Driver Divorce   Tryin' To Grow A Chin   Tuna Fish Promenade   Tush Tush Tush   Twenty Small Cigars   Uncle Bernie's Farm   Uncle Remus   Uncle Remus [Mix Outtake]   Undaunted, The Band Plays On   Underground Freak - Out Music   Underground Freak-Out Music   Valarie   Valley Girl   Variations on the Carlos Santana Secret Chord Prog...   Very Distraughtening   Village Of The Sun   Watermelon In Easter Hay   Watermelon In Eastern Hay   We Are Not Alone   We Can Shoot You   We Gotta Get Into Something Real   We're Turning Again   Weasels Ripped My Flesh   Wet T - Shirt Nite   Wet T-Shirt Nite   What Ever Happened To All The Fun In The World   What Kind Of Girl Do You Think We Are?   What Kind Of Girl?   What Will This Evening Bring Me This Morning   What's New In Baltimore?   What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body?   What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body? (Reprise)   When The Lie's So Big   Where Is Johnny Velvet?   Where's Our Equipment?   Whippin' Post   Whippin' Post (in album Does Humor Belong In Music...   White Ugliness   Who Are The Brain Police?   Who Needs The Peace Corps?   Who Needs the Peace Corps? [Instrumental]   Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?   Why Don't You Like Me?   Why Don'tcha Do Me Right?   Why Johnny Can't Read   Why Not?   Wild Love   Willie The Pimp   Willie The Pimp (in album You Can't Do That On Sta...   Willie The Pimp Part One & Willie The Pimp Part Tw...   Wind Up Workin' In A Gas Station   Wind Up Workin' In The Gas Station   Wind Up Working In A Gas Station   Wistful With a Fist - Full   Wistful With A Fist-Full   Won Ton On   Wonderful Tattoo!   Wonderful Wino   Would You Go All The Way?   Would You Like A Snack?   Wowie Zowie   WPLJ   Xmas Values   Ya Hozna   Yo Cats   Yo' Mama   You Are What You Is   You Are What You Is (in album Thing-fish)   You Call That Music?   You Didn't Try To Call Me   You Didn't Try To Call Me (in album Cruising With ...   You Didn't Try To Call Me (in album Cruising With ...   You're Just Insultin' Me, Aren't You!   You're Probably Wondering Why I'm Here   Your Mouth   Zomby Woof   Zoot Allures   Zoot Allures [Instrumental]

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