My love is a telephone nYour love is an answering machine nTry to get a dial tone nYour call cannot be completed as dialed nnMy love is a leaf of spinach nYour spinach is a pot of tea nI can't find the coffee grinder nCould I just have a glass of milk? nnLet me count the ways that I loved you nLet me count the ways that you hurt me nLet me count the times I still think of you nI count eighteen thousand forty three nOne for every minute since you left me nnYour love is a broken record nMy love is a broken CD nIt's part of a new boxed set nIt's been digitally remastered nnMy love is a tube of toothpaste nYour toothpaste is a great-tasting gel nYou should really floss more often nSqueeze tube from bottom and flatten as you go up nnLet me count the ways that I loved you nLet me count the ways that you hurt me nLet me count the times I still think of you nI count eighteen thousand forty four nOne for every minute since you walked out that door nnI hate the bridge nI hate the bridge nI hate the bridge nI hate the bridge nI hate the bridge nI hate the bridge nI hate the bridge nI still love you nnMy love is an empty blackboard nYour love is a pile of chalk nYou come in many different colors nI think I lost the eraser nnMy love is a order of fries nYour ketchup is way too thick nHold the bottle upside down nI don't see fifty-seven varieties nnLet me count the ways that I loved you nLet me count the ways that you hurt me nLet me count the times I still think of you nI count eighteen thousand forty five nOne for every minute since you said goodbye