I met her on the subway, she asked me what I donI said that I sing in a band, and she said, Hey, I do that too!nShe said her band was playing out next Tuesday at 9:00nSo I went out to see her, but I was in for a shocknnWell, I'm no Pavarotti, but she was ten times worsenAnd half the crowd had fled before she finished half a versenI don't want to insult her, but the girl ain't got no culturenWith a face like an angel and a voice like a vulturennCause she's a terrible singer, but she thinks she can singnWith her voice alone she has caused untold sufferingnShe asked me how I liked it, and I didn't say a thingnShe's a terrible, terrible singer, and she's minennNow the singing stuff was bad enough, but there was worse to comenShe painted with an arm that must have been completely numbnShe showed me this new landscape that she had just done with oilsnBut it looked more like a meatloaf a couple days after it spoilsnnCause she's a terrible painter, but she thinks she can paintnShe thinks she's the next Picasso, but I can assure you that she ain'tnShe asked me how I liked it, and I said, I feel faintnShe's a terrible, terrible painter, and she's minennI'm glad that she's the creative typenAnd she expresses what's in her heartnBut I'd rather eat a plate of tripenThan take one more look at her artnnIt was then that I made the worst mistake of my romantic careernShe asked if I wanted to read her new novel, and I said, Absolutely, dearnShe said that of all her artistic endeavors she thought this one was the bestnSo I sat down to read it, and I think you know the restnnShe's a terrible writer, but she thinks she can writenAgainst her powers, grammar and spelling can't even put up a fightnShe asked me how I liked it, and I said it was all rightnShe's a terrible, terrible writer, and she's minennShe's a terrible sculptor, but she thinks she can sculptnIf I had my way all her papier-mâché would immediately be pulpednShe asked me how I liked it, and I just smiled and gulpednShe's a terrible, terrible sculptor, and she's minennShe's a terrible dancer, but she thinks she can dancenShe writhes around like someone just poured pudding down her pantsnShe asked me if I'd join her, and I said, Not a chancenShe's a terrible, terrible dancer, and she's minenShe's a terrible, terrible artist, and she's mine all mine