The Adventures of Planky
King Missile

(spoken [with sung/spoken backing vocals])nA lump of plankton set off one day in search of adventure and fun. His friends and family and all the folks in the plankton town shook their heads and cast knowing glances to each other, but said nothing. They all knew that the little lump of plankton would just have to learn the hard way. (Plankton town, plankton town)nnAfter a short amount of time, Planky came across a stick of wood, screaming in pain.nnWhat's the matter? inquired Planky.nnTermites! screamed the unhappy little stick. Help me, please! (Little termites, little termites)nnThe little lump of plankton thought to himself for a long moment, then said, Hey, termites, did you see the delicious yule log that somebody threw out over there? I'll bet it's just itching to be eaten by a bunch of hungry termites!nnPlanky's ruse fooled the nasty little termites, who hightailed it over to the terrified yule log while maliciously singing Christmas carols loudly and off-key and messing up most of the words. (La la la la la la...)nnThank you! said the stick. Thank you so much! What's your name?nnI'm a plucky lump of plankton and my name is Planky Smith.nnMy name is Sticky, said the stick. Let's be friends and go and have fun and adventures.nnWhy, that is just what I set out to do this morning! said the plucky lump. Let's go!nnA short while later, the two new friends came upon a puddle of stagnant water with maggots flying over it. It smelled ghastly, and it was all that our young adventurers could do to walk quickly past the disgusting mess without puking. (Stagnant water, stagnant water, stagnant water, stagnant water)nnYi! said the stick.nnYou said it, Sticky! said the plucky lump.nnJust then, a monkey jumped down from a tree. Hi! said the monkey. I'm invisible!nnNo you're not, said the stick. I can see you.nnWhere? said Planky. I don't see anything.nnOkay, so I'm only partially invisible, said the monkey.nnOh, well, I'm Sticky, and this here is Planky, said the stick. We were off in search of fun and adventure. What's your name?nnI'm Monkeyey. (Monkeyey)nnHi, Monkey! said Planky.nnI'm over here now! said the monkey, who enjoyed playing little tricks on those who could not see him. And it's pronounced 'Monkey-ee,' not 'Monkey.' (Monkeyey)nnOh. Okay, well, anyway, would you like to come with us? said Planky, who was by now beginning to hope that the wiseass partially invisible monkey with the stupid name had other plans.nnNo thanks, said Monkeyey. I think I'll go play in that puddle of stagnant water and eat some maggots. (Stagnant water, stagnant water)nnYi! said the stick.nnYou said it, Sticky! said Planky. Let's skedaddle!nnAbout an hour and a half later, the plucky lump of plankton and the termite-scarred-for-life stick were starting to get way bored.nnWhat do you say we turn around and go back? said Planky.nnJust what I was thinking, said the stick. This is totally lame. (Lame)nnYeah, but at least we're friends.nnActually, said the stick, my natural instinct, as a stick, is to beat you to a pulp. That is one of the things I, as a stick, like to do.nnAnd with that, the stick chased the plucky lump of plankton most of the way home, occasionally giving him quite a whack in the plankton.nnBy the time Planky had eluded the stick and made his way back home, everybody in his town had eaten dinner, watched a great movie on television, and was just about ready for bed. They greeted the prodigal plankton with open arms and a lot of derisive laughter and ridicule. For years afterwards, people would rib the plankton about his wonderful and exciting adventure. (Prodigal plankton, prodigal plankton, prodigal plankton, prodigal plankton)nnThe unlucky lump of plankton never really got over the psychological damage that the whole episode cost him, and was agoraphobic and a lot less plucky for the remainder of his non-eventful life. (Agoraphobia)


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Lyrics by King Missile

  (Why Are We) Trapped?   A Good Hard Look   All Things Everywhere   And   Another Political Poem   Antimatter   At Dave's   Betrayal Takes Two   Bloodletting   Brains Will Explode   Cheesecake Truck   Chickens   Clamsauce   Clarity Transcending Choice   Columbus Day Weekend   Come Closer   Commercial   Damned If I Know   Delores   Despair   Detachable Penis   Dick   Eating People   Ed   Empty   Enjoy Your Tea   Everybody Screams Inside   Failure   Farm   Fish   Fluting On The Hump   Fourthly   Francis Bacon   Frightened And Freezing   Garbage Party   Gary And Melissa   Get Down with the Funky Shit   Get Into It (Roll Around in It)   Glass   Good Things   Happiness   Happy Hour   Happy Note   He Needed   Heaven   Heavy Holy Man   Hemopheliac Of Love   Hemophiliac of Love   How Much Longer   How To Remember Your Dreams   I Dare to Hope   I Wish   I'm Sorry   If Only   Jesus Was Way Cool   Jim   Juniper Dog   Knowledge   Leather Clown   Let's Have Sex   Lies   Life   Listen To Me   Lou   Love You More   Martin Scorsese   Martin Scorsese (PG-13)   Metanoia   Monks   Mr Johnson   Mr. Pomerantz   Mr. Story   My Heart Is A Flower   My Life   My Lover   My Personal Life   Nietzsche Sneezes   No Point   Now   Open Up   Pain & Pleasure   Phaedreaux   Pickaxe   Real Men   Royal Lunch   Scotland   Sensitive Artist   Sex With You   She Didn't Want   Shit   Sink   So Happy   Socks   Still the One   Stonehenge   Take Me Home   That Old Dog   The Absolute   The Birds   The Blood Song   The Box   The Boy Made Out of Bone China   The Bunny Who Wanted To Be A Rat   The Chosen   The Evil Children   The Fish That Played The Ponies   The God   The Indians   The Love Song   The Miracle Of Childbirth   The Neither World   The Party   The Sandbox   The Spanish Armada   The Story Of Willy   The Trees   The Way To Salvation   These People   Things   To Walk Among The Pigs   Tour Diary: Louisville   Up My Ass   Water   What If   When She Closed Her Eyes   Wind-Up Toys   Wuss   Ww3 Is A Giant Ice Cream Cone

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