If I were prime minister I’d transform the landAll things would be glorious under my firm strong handI’d enlarge Prince Edward Island and shrink the tax on boozeIf I were Prime Minister the Leafs would never loseIf I were Prime Minister French and English would be goneThere’d be no more two solitudes ‘cause we’d all speak KlingonAnd I’d give my buddies jobs they weren’t qualified forWait, I’m so sorry, I think that’s been done beforeIf I were Prime Minister Canadians would tanIn the Gulf of Mexico where I’d move NewfoundlandIf I were prime Minister I would use my powerTo finally make the donut our official flowerAnd I’d make it illegal to sit and bitch and whineThough that might leave Canadians with too much spare timeAnd I would be Prime Minister if only for one flawI don’t think that I could ever live in OttawaIf I were, if I were, if I were Prime MinisterIf I were, if I were, if I were Prime MinisterIf I were, if I were, if I were Prime MinisterIf I were, if I were, if I were Prime MinisterI’d bathe in Maple Syrup and I’d have a talking mooseAnd Mounties would massage me to keep me nice and looseI’d get rid of the Queen and replace it with my catAnd appointment to the Senate would be trial by combatI’d fix all the problems of our country’s apparatusBy granting ever person, nation statusI’d encourage global warming, move the jetstream further northAnd I’d ban all politicians, except for me of course
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