KRUPKE(spoken)Hey, you!A-RAB(spoken)Who me?KRUPKE(spoken)Yeah, you!A-RAB(spoken)Why it is Officer Krupke, Baby John.BABY JOHN(spoken)Top of the evening, Officer Krupke.KRUPKE(spoken)I'll crack the top of your skulls if youpunks don't stop when I whistle.SNOWBOY(spoken)Ya see, cops believe everything theyread in the papers.ACTION(spoken)To them we ain't human. We're cruddyjuvenile delinquents. So that's what we give 'em.SNOWBOY(imitating Krupke)(spoken)Hey, you!ACTION(spoken)Me, Officer Krupke?SNOWBOY(spoken)Yeah, you! Gimme one good reasonfor not dragging ya down the station house, yapunk.ACTIONDear kindly Sergeant Krupke,You gotta understand,It's just our bringin' up-keThat gets us out of hand.Our mothers all are junkies,Our fathers all are drunks.Golly Moses, natcherly we're punks!ACTION and QUARTETGee, Officer Krupke, we're very upset;We never had the love that every child oughta get.We ain't no delinquents,We're misunderstood.Deep down inside us there is good!ACTIONThere is good!ALLThere is good, there is good,there is untapped good.Like inside, the worst of us is good.SNOWBOY (imitating Krupke)(spoken)That's a touchin'good story.ACTION(spoken)Lemme tell it to the world!SNOWBOY (Krupke)(spoken)Just tell it to the judge.ACTIONDear kindly Judge, your Honor,My parents treat me rough.With all their marijuana,They won't give me a puff.They didn't wanna have me,But somehow I was had.Leapin' lizards, that's why I'm so bad!DIESEL (Judge)Right!Officer Krupke, you're really a square;This boy don't need a judge, he needs ananalyst's care!It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed.He's psychologic'ly disturbed!ACTIONI'm disturbed!ALLWe're disturbed, we're disturbed,We're the most disturbed,Like we're psychologic'ly disturbed.DIESEL (Judge)(spoken)In the opinion of this court, this childis depraved on account he ain't had anormal home.ACTION(spoken)Hey, I'm depraved on account I'mdeprived!DIESEL (Judge)(spoken)So take him to a headshrinker.ACTIONMy father is a bastard,My ma's an S.O.B.My grandpa's always plastered,My grandma pushes tea.My sister wears a mustache,My brother wears a dress.Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess!A-RAB (Psychiatrist)Yes!Officer Krupke, you're really a slob.This boy don't need a doctor, just a good honestjob.Society's played him a terrible trick,Und sociologic'ly he's sick!ACTIONI am sick!ALLWe are sick, we are sick,We are sick sick sick,Like we're sociologically sick!A-RAB (Psychiatrist)(spoken)In my opinion, this child don't needto have his head shrunk at all. Juveniledelinquency is purely a social disease!ACTION(spoken)Hey, I got a social disease!A-RAB (Psychiatrist)(spoken)So take him to a social worker!ACTIONDear kindly social worker,They say go earn a buck,Like be a soda jerker,Which means like be a schmuck.It's not I'm anti-social,I'm only anti-work.Glory Osky, that's why I'm a jerk!BABY JOHN (Social Worker)Eek!Officer Krupke, you've done it again.This boy don't need a job, he needs a year in thepen.It ain't just a question of misunderstood;Deep down inside him, he's no good!ACTIONI'm no good!ALLWe're no good, we're no good,We're no earthly good,Like the best of us is no damn good!DIESEL (Judge)The trouble is he's crazy.A-RAB (Psychiatrist)The trouble is he drinks.BABY JOHN (Social Worker)The trouble is he's lazy.DIESEL (Judge)The trouble is he stinks.A-RAB (Psychiatrist)The trouble is he's growing.BABY JOHN (Social Worker)The trouble is he's grown.ALLKrupke, we got troubles of our own!Gee, Officer Krupke,We're down on our knees,'Cause no one wants a fella with a socialdiseaseGee, Officer Krupke,What are we to do?Gee, Officer Krupke,Krup you!
Lyrics by Stephen Sondheim
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