Good Morning
Morning, sir
Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium
Ah, thank you, my good man
What can I do for you, sir?
Well, I was sitting in the public library
On Thurmon Street just now
Skimming through Rogue Herry's by Hugh Walpole
And I suddenly came over all peckish
Peckish, sir?
Esuriant
Eh
'Ee, ah wor 'ungry-loike
Ah, hungry
In a nutshell, and I thought
To myself, A little fermented curd will do the trick
So I curtailed my Walloping activities
Sallied forth and infiltrated your place
Of purveyance to negotiate the vending
Of some cheesy comestibles
Come again
I want to buy some cheese
Oh, I thought you were complaining
About the bouzouki player
Oh, heaven forbid, I am one who delights
In all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse
Sorry?
'Ooh, ah like a nice tune, 'yer forced too
So he can go on playing, can he
Most certainly, now then
Some cheese please, my good man
Certainly, sir, what would you like?
Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester?
I'm afraid we're fresh out of red Leicester, sir
Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit?
I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week
Sir, we get it fresh on Monday
Tish tish, no matter, well stout yeoman
Four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please
Ah, it's been on order, sir, for two weeks
Was expecting it this morning
T's not my lucky day, is it, aah, Bel Paese?
Sorry, sir
Red Windsor?
Normally, sir, yes, today the van broke down
Ah, Stilton?
Sorry
Ementhal, Gruyere?
No
Any Norwegian Jarlsberg, per chance?
No
Lepta?
No
Lancaster?
No
White Stilton?
No
Danish Brew?
No
Double Gloucester?
No
Cheshire?
No
Dorset Bluveny?
No
Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq
Port Salut, Savoy Aire
Saint Paulin, Carrier de lest
Bres Bleu, Bruson?
No
Camembert, perhaps?
Ah, we have Camembert, yes, sir
You do, excellent
Yes, sir, it's, ah, it's a bit runny
Oh, I like it runny
Well, it's very runny, actually, sir
No matter, fetch hither
The fromage de la Belle France, mwah
I think it's a bit runnier
Than you'll like it, sir
I don't care how fucking runny it is
Hand it over with all speed
Oh!
What now?
The cat's eaten it
Has he?
She, sir
Gouda?
No
Edam?
No
Case Ness?
No
Smoked Austrian?
No
Japanese Sage Darby?
No, sir
You do have some cheese, do you?
Of course, sir, it's a cheese shop, sir, we've got
No, no, don't tell me, I'm keen to guess
Fair enough
Uh, Wensleydale?
Yes
Ah, well, I'll have some of that
Oh, I thought you were talking to me, sir
Mister Wensleydale, that's my name
Greek Feta?
Uh, not as such
Uh, Gorgonzola?
No
Parmesan?
No
Mozzarella?
No
Paper Cramer?
No
Danish Bimbo?
No
Czech sheep's milk?
No
Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?
Not today, sir, no
Aah, how about Cheddar?
Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir
Not much call, it's the single most
Popular cheese in the world
Not 'round here, sir
And what is the most
Popular cheese 'round here?
Illchester, sir
Is it?
Oh, yes, it's staggeringly
Popular in this manusquire
Is it?
It's our number one best seller, sir
I see, uh, Illchester, eh
Right, sir?
All right, okay, have you got any?
He asked expecting the answer 'No'
I'll have a look, sir, um, no
It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?
Finest in the district
Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please
Well, it's so clean, sir
It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese
You haven't asked me about Limburger, sir
Is it worth it?
Could be
Have you, shut that bloody bouzouki up
Told you sir
Have you got any Limburger?
No
Figures, predictable, really I suppose
It was an act of purest optimism
To have posed the question in the first place
Tell me?
Yes, sir
Have you, in fact, got any cheese here at all?
Yes, sir
Really?
No, not really, sir
You haven't?
No, sir, not a scrap
I was deliberately
Wasting your time, sir
Well, I'm sorry, but I'm going
To have to shoot you
Right-o, sir
What a senseless waste of human life
The Cheese Shop
Monty Python
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Lyrics by Monty Python
A Scottish Farewell Announcement Bells Bishop Bookshop Cheese Shop Crocodile Do What John Farewell To John Denver Galaxy Song I Wonder Where That Fish Did Go Lumberjack Song [Live] Penis Song Penis Song (Not the Noel Coward Song) Rock Notes String The Lumberjack Song The Matyrdom of St. Victor Traffic Lights
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Mic Check 1 2 - Lil Wayne
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Chop Shop f\/ Project Pat - Gangsta Boo
Mic Check 1,2 - Lil' Wayne
Cheese Doodles - Grilling Wilson
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I Like Death - Ozzy Osbourne
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Sublime - Pawn Shop - Sublime
Shop Around (National Hit Version)...
Swiss Cheese - Retard-o-bot 2000
Hot Cheese - mu330
American Cheese - Electric Six
Blue Cheese - The U.M.C.'s
Chuck Cheese - Organized Konfusion
Cheese Tidbit - Bloodhound Gang
Krafty Cheese - The Residents
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Government Cheese - The Rainmakers
Big Cheese - Bayside
Grilled Cheese - Cherry Glazerr
Easy Cheese - The Mad Caddies
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Cheese Jerky - Hannah Montana
Blue Cheese - The UMC\'s
Moe Cheese - Bone Thugs-N-Harmony
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Broccoli & Cheese - Devin The Dude
Naked Cheese - Brotha Lynch Hung
Big Cheese - Chelsea Korka
Cheese Cake - Biga Ranx
Say Cheese! - Yui Horie
Say Cheese! - Yui Horie
Moe Cheese - Bone Thugs N Harmony
Swiss Cheese - Retard-O-Bot
Cheese Cake - Harold Mabern
Hit the Block [*] - Ugk
Hit The Block - UGK Feat. T.I.
Raining Tacos - Anonymous
Mac N Cheese - Matt Mulholland
Dead On The Inside (Very Rare) - Slipknot
Shop Around - Captain & Tennille
This Is Cheese - Chris Korda
Dead On The Inside (Mixed Verison) - Slipknot
Dead on the Inside - Slipknot
The Beauty Shop - Nikki D
The Video Shop - The Kinks
The Splak Shop - 2 Live Crew
The Fuck Shop - 2 Live Crew
The Video Shop - kinks
The Closed Shop - Barclay James Harvest
We\u2019Re The Pet Shop Boys - Robbie Williams
Wreck Shop - Run-D.M.C.
Wreck Shop - Run DMC
Little Shop Of Horrors - The Broadways
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Made Alot - Big K.R.I.T.
We Be Getting Money - Juvenile
We Be Getting Money - Juvenile
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Polly Bee - Deerhoof
Puffy Cheesecake - So Fweet
Coffee Shop - Yung Joc
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Shop Around - Smokey Robinson & the Miracles
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Shop Around [Live]...
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Shop Around [National Version] - The Miracles
Shop Around - Allusions
Shop Around - Johnnie Ray
Shop Around - Clarence Reid
Shop Around [With Interview] - The Miracles
Shop Around - Mary Wells
Shop Around - Smokey Robinson
Shop Around - Captain And Tennille
Shoppin' From A To Z - Toni Basil
Sehventain Year-es - Group X
Crumz In My Lap - Glitter Penis
Beige Sunshine - Dead Milkmen
Watermelons And Cheese - Sesame Street
Coffee Shop Blues - Timeless Void
Spend Some Cheesse - Shyne
Very Mild Superpowers - David O'Doherty
Cheese Balls Song - Alvin & The Chipmunks
Junk Shop Clothes - Auteurs, The
Get That Cheese - Too Short
Pork Roll, Egg and Cheese - Ween
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Two Pigs Who Shop In The Mall - Pink Floyd
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The Voice Of Cheese - Frank Zappa
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Singing to the Cheese - Chief Keef
The Voices Of Cheese - The Mothers Of Invention
Cheese In the Sky - Clear Soul Forces
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PORK ROLL EGG AND CHEESE - Ween
Pork Roll Egg & Cheese - Ween
Pork Roll Egg & Cheese - Ween
Flower, Fist, And Beastial Wail - Audience of One
Chinese Takeaway - The Adicts
Tha Problem (Skit) - Cassidy
Basic Instinct - Nipsey Hussle
Juice - Cash Out
Beige Sunshine - The Dead Milkmen
Six Flags Over Jesus - Look What I Did
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What You Know [Amended Acapella] - T.I.
What You Know - T.I.
Munchies - Kottonmouth Kings
Pawn Shop Ain't No Place For A Wedding Ring...
Pawn Shop - Brothers Osborne
Pawn Shop Ain't No Place For A Wedding Ring...
Pawn Shop Ain't No Place For A Wedding Ring...
Shop Talk - John Prine
Shop Around - New Edition
One Stop Shop - Cowboy
Let's Go To The Mall - Scotty Vanity
Samson and Delilah's Beauty Shop - Steve Forbert
Bull In A China Shop - Eye Empire
Samson And Delilah's Beauty Shop...
Top Shop Girl - BMX Bandits
