Stuart
Dead Milkmen

You know what, Stuart, I LIKE YOU. You're not like the other
People, here, in the trailer park.

Oh, don't go get me wrong. They're fine people, they're
Good Americans. But they're content to sit back, maybe
Watch a little Mork and Mindy on channel 57, maybe kick
Back a cool, Coors 16-ouncer. They're good, fine people,
Stuart. But they don't know ... what the queers are doing
To the soil!

You know that Jonny Wurster kid, the kid that delivers papers
In the neighborhood. He's a foreign kid. Some of the neighbors
Say he smokes crack, but I don't believe it.

Anyway, for his tenth birthday, all he wanted was a Burrow Owl.
Kept bugging his old man. Dad, get me a burrow owl. I'll never
Ask for anything else as long as I live. So the guy
Breaks down and buys him a burrow owl.

Anyway, 10:30, the other night, I go out in my yard, and there's
The Wurster kid, looking up in the tree. I say, What are
You looking for? He says I'm looking for my burrow owl.
I say, Jumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick. Everybody knows
The burrow owl lives. In a hole. In the ground. Why the hell do you
Think they call it a burrow owl, anyway? Now Stuart, do you
Think a kid like that is going to know what the queers are
Doing to the soil?

I first became aware of this about ten years ago, the summer
My oldest boy, Bill Jr. died. You know that carnival comes into
Town every year? Well this year they came through with a ride
Called The Mixer. The man said, Keep your head, and arms, inside
The Mixer at all times. But Bill Jr, he was a DAAAREDEVIL, just
Like his old man. He was leaning out saying Hey everybody,
Look at me! Look at me! Pow! He was decapitated! They found
His head over by the snow cone concession.

A few days after that, I open up the mail. And there's a pamphlet
In there. From Pueblo, Colorado, and it's addressed to Bill, Jr.
And it's entitled, Do you know what the queers are doing to our
Soil?

Now, Stuart, if you look at the soil around any large US city,
There's a big undeground homosexual population. Des Moines, Iowa,
For an example. Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart.
You can't build on it; you can't grow anything in it. The government
Says it's due to poor farming. But I know what's really going on,
Stuart. I know it's the queers. They're in it with the aliens.
They're building landing strips for gay Martians, I swear to
God.

You know what, Stuart, I like you. You're not like the other
People, here in this trailer park.


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Lyrics by Dead Milkmen

  (Theme From) Blood Orgy Of The Atomic Fern   Air Crash Museum   All Around the World   Anderson, Walkman, Buttholes And How!   Anthropology Days   Ask Me To Dance   At the Moment   Bad Party   Beach Party Vietnam   Beach Song   Beige Sunshine   Belafonte's Inferno   Big Deal   Big Lizard   Big Scary Place   Big Time Operator   Big Words Make The Baby Jesus Cry   Bitchin' Camaro   Bitchin' Camaro (The Best Thanksgiving Ever)   Bleach Boys   Born to Love Volcanos   Brat in the Frat   Chaos Theory   City Of Mud   Cousin Earl   Crystalline   Dance With Me   Dark Clouds Gather Over Middlemarch   Dean's Dream   Death's Alright With Me   Depression Day Dinner   Do The Brown Nose   Dollar Signs In Her Eyes   Don't Abort that Baby   Don't Deny Your Inner Child   Earwig   Epic Tales Of Adventure   Everybody's Got Nice Stuff But Me   Fifty Things   Filet Of Sole   Girl Hunt   God's Kid Brother   Going To Graceland   Gorilla Girl   Happy Is   Helicopter Interiors   Here Comes Mr. X   How It's Gonna Be   Howard Beware   I Against Osbourne   I Am The Walrus   I Can't Stay Awake   I Don't Wanna   I Dream Of Jesus   I Hate Myself   I Hate You, I Love You   I Hear Your Name   I Started To Hate You   I Tripped Over The Ottoman   I Walk the Thinnest Line   I'm Flying Away   I've Got To Get My Numbers Up   If I Had a Gun   If You Love Somebody, Set Them On Fire   In Praise Of Sha Na Na   Instant Club Hit (You'll Dance To Anything)   Jason's Head   Jellyfish Heaven   Junkie   Khrissy   Labor Day   Land Of The Shakers   Laundromat Song   Leggo My Ego   Let's Get The Baby High   Like To Be Alone   Little Man In My Head   Little Volcano   Lucky   Methodist Coloring Book   Milkmen Stomp   Moron   My Many Smells   Nitro Burning Funny Cars   Nobody Falls Like   Not Crazy   Now Everybody's Me   Now I Wanna Hold Your Dog   Nutrition   Part 3   Peter Bazooka   Plum Dumb   Pretty Music For Pretty People   Punk Rock Girl   Rastabilly   RC's Mom   Right Wing Pigeons   Ringo Buys a Rifle   Rock 'n' Roll Queen (Originally By Mott The Hoople...   Rocketship   Ronald Reagan Killed The Black Dahlia   Sarah Jean   Serrated Edge   Shaft in Greenland   Shapes Of Things (originally by The Yardbirds)   Silly Dreams   Six Days   Somewhere Over Antarctica   Song For Michael's Pipe   South Bound Saurez (originally by Led Zeppelin)   South Bound Suarez   Spit Sink   Sri Lanka Sex Hotel   Streetlamps - Walking To Work   Stupid Mary Anne   Surfin' Cow   Swampland Of Desire   Swordfish   Swordfish (Inc. Instant Club Hit Medley Thing)   Tacoland   Take Me Apart   Take Me To The Specialist   Takin' Retards To The Zoo   The Badger Song   The Big Sleazy   The Blues Song   The Conspiracy Song   The Fez   The Fez (Live version)   The Girl With The Strong Arm   The Great Boston Molasses Flood   The Guitar Song   The Infant Of Prague Customized My Van   The Man Who Rides The Bus   The Pit   The Puking Song   The Secret of Life   The Sun Turns Our Patio Into A Lifeless Hell   The Thing That Only Eats Hippies   The Woman Who Was Also A Mongoose   Tiny Town   Train I Ride   Two Feet Off The Ground   V.F.W.   Vince Lombardi Service Center   Violent School   Watching Scotty Die   Welcome To Undertown   When I Get To Heaven   Where The Tarantula Lives   Wonderfully Colored Plastic War Toys

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