Bitchin' Camaro (The Best Thanksgiving Ever)
Dead Milkmen

I want everybody to raise your right or left hand. Now, repeat after
Me... No fuckin' way...

Crowd: No fuckin' way...

Am I gonna die...

Crowd: Am I gonna die...

In Exxon's war.

Crowd: In Exxon's war. (cheering)

Thank you, I'm holding you all to that. Since you all took that pledge,
I'll tell you a story. This is the story of the best Thanksgiving ever!

Crowd: (cheering)

Once upon a time, in the land of Thorndale Pennsylvania, which is about 30
Miles from here, there lived a little boy named Timmy. And Timmy was very
Sad. Aww!

Crowd: Aww!

Why was Timmy sad you might ask?

Crowd: Why?

I had a feeling you might ask that. Timmy was said because every
Thanksgiving the adults would get to eat at the big adult table, and Timmy
Had to eat at a crappy little card table with his asshole cousins George
And Georgette. Boo!

Crowd: Boo!

George and Georgette would drool constantly, oh that's beautiful, would
Drool constantly and they would wear their New Kids On The Block t-shirts.

Crowd: Boo!

Timmy went in to wash his hands, for he was very cleanly like all of us.
Show me your hands. Keith don't show me your hands, keep them on the
Boards, there we go. Good, these are very clean hands, very nice. You need
To scrape behind down this one finger, but other than that, very clean,
Very clean, all of you, very good.

Timmy washed his hands for half an hour. His asshole family couldn't wait,
So they started to eat Thanksgiving dinner without him! Boo!

Crowd: Boo!

(to keyboard player presumably) What are you doing?

When Timmy came out from washing his hands, he found every member of his
Family rolling on the floor in great pain and agony. Mom and Dad were on
The floor in agony, Grandpa, Grandma, Aunts, Uncles, even George and
Georgette, they were all vomiting and cleaning out their noses and their
Ears and they were saying, Oh, help us, Timmy, help us. Dial 911. But
Timmy knew two things. First, he knew that 911 was a joke, for Timmy had
Been a member of Public Enemy!

Crowd: (cheering)

No, you're too white to interpret Public Enemy.

He also knew that they were all suffering from salmonella poisoning,
Because the family turkey had been kept in the trunk of the family car
For two weeks. Let us hear it for the salmonella bacteria.

Crowd: (cheering)

Invisible - Invisible to the human eye, yet it is the hero of our story.
Timmy watched them all die one by one. First, Mom and Dad died, then
Grandpa, Grandma, Aunts and Uncles died, and finally his dweeb cousins
George and Georgette died. Yay!

Crowd: Yay!

Timmy went to the adult table. He sat down at the head of the adult table.
And although he could not eat any turkey because it was tainted with food
Poisoning, he was able to have candied yams, he was able to have corn on
The cob, he was able to have butter beans (fix some for me now?), he was
Able to have all that stuff. And for Timmy this was truly the best
Thanksgiving ever!

What can we learn from Timmy? Absolutely nothing, I can't - I can't
Think of a damn thing. But it was a good story wasn't it? And it had a
Car in it. The family car, if you remember, where the turkey was kept for
Two weeks, was a bitchin' Camaro!


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Lyrics by Dead Milkmen

  (Theme From) Blood Orgy Of The Atomic Fern   Air Crash Museum   All Around the World   Anderson, Walkman, Buttholes And How!   Anthropology Days   Ask Me To Dance   At the Moment   Bad Party   Beach Party Vietnam   Beach Song   Beige Sunshine   Belafonte's Inferno   Big Deal   Big Lizard   Big Scary Place   Big Time Operator   Big Words Make The Baby Jesus Cry   Bitchin' Camaro   Bleach Boys   Born to Love Volcanos   Brat in the Frat   Chaos Theory   City Of Mud   Cousin Earl   Crystalline   Dance With Me   Dark Clouds Gather Over Middlemarch   Dean's Dream   Death's Alright With Me   Depression Day Dinner   Do The Brown Nose   Dollar Signs In Her Eyes   Don't Abort that Baby   Don't Deny Your Inner Child   Earwig   Epic Tales Of Adventure   Everybody's Got Nice Stuff But Me   Fifty Things   Filet Of Sole   Girl Hunt   God's Kid Brother   Going To Graceland   Gorilla Girl   Happy Is   Helicopter Interiors   Here Comes Mr. X   How It's Gonna Be   Howard Beware   I Against Osbourne   I Am The Walrus   I Can't Stay Awake   I Don't Wanna   I Dream Of Jesus   I Hate Myself   I Hate You, I Love You   I Hear Your Name   I Started To Hate You   I Tripped Over The Ottoman   I Walk the Thinnest Line   I'm Flying Away   I've Got To Get My Numbers Up   If I Had a Gun   If You Love Somebody, Set Them On Fire   In Praise Of Sha Na Na   Instant Club Hit (You'll Dance To Anything)   Jason's Head   Jellyfish Heaven   Junkie   Khrissy   Labor Day   Land Of The Shakers   Laundromat Song   Leggo My Ego   Let's Get The Baby High   Like To Be Alone   Little Man In My Head   Little Volcano   Lucky   Methodist Coloring Book   Milkmen Stomp   Moron   My Many Smells   Nitro Burning Funny Cars   Nobody Falls Like   Not Crazy   Now Everybody's Me   Now I Wanna Hold Your Dog   Nutrition   Part 3   Peter Bazooka   Plum Dumb   Pretty Music For Pretty People   Punk Rock Girl   Rastabilly   RC's Mom   Right Wing Pigeons   Ringo Buys a Rifle   Rock 'n' Roll Queen (Originally By Mott The Hoople...   Rocketship   Ronald Reagan Killed The Black Dahlia   Sarah Jean   Serrated Edge   Shaft in Greenland   Shapes Of Things (originally by The Yardbirds)   Silly Dreams   Six Days   Somewhere Over Antarctica   Song For Michael's Pipe   South Bound Saurez (originally by Led Zeppelin)   South Bound Suarez   Spit Sink   Sri Lanka Sex Hotel   Streetlamps - Walking To Work   Stuart   Stupid Mary Anne   Surfin' Cow   Swampland Of Desire   Swordfish   Swordfish (Inc. Instant Club Hit Medley Thing)   Tacoland   Take Me Apart   Take Me To The Specialist   Takin' Retards To The Zoo   The Badger Song   The Big Sleazy   The Blues Song   The Conspiracy Song   The Fez   The Fez (Live version)   The Girl With The Strong Arm   The Great Boston Molasses Flood   The Guitar Song   The Infant Of Prague Customized My Van   The Man Who Rides The Bus   The Pit   The Puking Song   The Secret of Life   The Sun Turns Our Patio Into A Lifeless Hell   The Thing That Only Eats Hippies   The Woman Who Was Also A Mongoose   Tiny Town   Train I Ride   Two Feet Off The Ground   V.F.W.   Vince Lombardi Service Center   Violent School   Watching Scotty Die   Welcome To Undertown   When I Get To Heaven   Where The Tarantula Lives   Wonderfully Colored Plastic War Toys

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