LyricMeaning

Cousin Earl
Dead Milkmen

Now you wanna talk about bladder problems

Then the man you wanna talk to will probably be my cousin Earl

I guess you all know Earl

He lives out on Route 13 out on that maggot farm

Earl don't like it when you get his maggot farm

Confused with a worm farm

A worm farm is for worms and a maggot farm is for maggots

And Earl's got the biggest maggots in the state, three feet long

Of course, now Earl believes this might be due to the fact that

St. Smithen's Medical Facility

Has been dumping their waste on his property

Interesting thing about three-foot maggots is that

That, well, one day the china disappeared

And then the next day his television disappeared

And then a few days after that his '57 Chevy disappeared

But there they are the world's biggest maggots

Anyway one day Earl and I were standin' in the kitchen

Giant maggots crawlin' across the floor

And Earl turns to me and he says

Do you ever go to make a pork sausage

And find that it's got hairs all over it?

And he gives me a look that still chills me to this day

Now Earl's got a son and they call him Earl Junior

Which I think is pretty clever since he is Earl's son

He's not really a normal boy

Ever since that tractor accident

Anyway, he ran up $5,000 worth of 976 phone bills

He called weird, unnatural numbers like 976-PIGG with two G's

And 976-SHEEP, which has five letters in it

I know he's a sick boy

Earl suggested that well, maybe I talk to him

So I went into his bedroom and I sat him down

But before I could say a word Earl Junior looked at me and he said

Didja ever go to make a pork sausage

And find it's got hairs all over it?

And he gave me a look that still chills me to this day

Now, Earl's got a daughter and they call her Effie-Sue

And Effie-Sue, she don't look so much like a little girl

As she looks like a, a big pile of fungus

Earl blames this too on the fact that

St. Smithen's Medical Facility has been dumpin' on his maggot farm

And I never had much contact with Essie, Effie-Sue

Excuse me, I don't even think that much of her to get her name right

I never had much contact with her

She just normally just sits on the couch

Like a little ball of fungus and just boils away

Well, one day, she looked at me

And that little ball of fungus opened its mouth

(Or what I guess was its mouth I'd hate to think what else it could be)

And out of that orifice floated the words

Didja ever go to make a, a pork sausage

And find it's got hair all over it?

And then that, that little pile of fungus

Gave me a look that chills me to this day

Now Earl's got a wife and we call her wife, we don't know her name

Because she's never really said that much

For the longest time we thought she could only say two words

Which were 'Dog' and 'Pussy', we thought that meant 'Dog' and 'Cat'

But then we found out that

What she was really trying to say was Dog-pussy

One big hyphenated word which doesn't come up much in conversation

Especially amongst Baptists

We never heard her say anything other than that

You know she works down at

Down at St. Smithen's Medical Facility and Pork Sausage Distillery

Got a good paying job there although she only does say those

Well that one word

And we have heard her say another thing once

But that was a long time ago we were sittin' around the house

And she looked at me and she said

Do you ever go to make a pork sausage

And find that it's got hairs growin' all over it?

And she gave me a look that chills me to this day

Now one day Earl took his whole family fishin' down in Miller's Creek

He took his wife who could only say, Dog-pussy

He took his son Earl Junior who took the day off from calling

976 - barnyard numbers

And he took that little that little ball of fungus daughter

Effie-Sue of his along with him

They all got in a little boat and they started fishing

Now St. Smithen's Medical Facility and Pork Sausage Distillery

Has been known to dump their stuff into Miller's Creek

All sorts of heinous stuff, big barrels floatin' in the creek

With little things on them that say

'St. Smithen's Medical Facility and Pork Sausage Distillery'

Anyway Earl was fishing

And he caught a wall-eyed bass which had twenty-seven eyes on it

It was a twenty-seven-eyed wall-eyed bass

Earl looked at it, and decided, Umm, wouldn't this be good to eat

So he took out his knife to cut it open

But that fish looked up at him and it said

Please, mister please don't eat me

And Earl said, But I'm hungry I'm hungry

I work on a maggot farm

My wife can only say 'Dog-pussy'

My daughter is a pile of fungus

My son spent all of his college money calling '976-' numbers

I have to eat you

And that fish said, Please, don't eat me, mister, please

And he said, I have to I have to

So the fish said, Alright then, if you're gonna cut me open

Let me ask you one question

Didja ever go to eat a pork sausage

And find it's got hairs growin' all over it?

And then all twenty-seven eyes stared back at Earl

And they stared back at his wife who could only say, 'Dog-pussy'

And they stared back at his weird 976 - animal-calling son

And they stared back at that little pile of pus

That passes for Earl's daughter

And they gave them a look

All twenty-seven eyes gave them a look

A look that they will not forget until this very day

Oh, man


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Lyrics by Dead Milkmen

  (Theme From) Blood Orgy Of The Atomic Fern   Air Crash Museum   All Around the World   Anderson, Walkman, Buttholes And How!   Anthropology Days   Ask Me To Dance   At the Moment   Bad Party   Beach Party Vietnam   Beach Song   Beige Sunshine   Belafonte's Inferno   Big Deal   Big Lizard   Big Scary Place   Big Time Operator   Big Words Make The Baby Jesus Cry   Bitchin' Camaro   Bitchin' Camaro (The Best Thanksgiving Ever)   Bleach Boys   Born to Love Volcanos   Brat in the Frat   Chaos Theory   City Of Mud   Crystalline   Dance With Me   Dark Clouds Gather Over Middlemarch   Dean's Dream   Death's Alright With Me   Depression Day Dinner   Do The Brown Nose   Dollar Signs In Her Eyes   Don't Abort that Baby   Don't Deny Your Inner Child   Earwig   Epic Tales Of Adventure   Everybody's Got Nice Stuff But Me   Fifty Things   Filet Of Sole   Girl Hunt   God's Kid Brother   Going To Graceland   Gorilla Girl   Happy Is   Helicopter Interiors   Here Comes Mr. X   How It's Gonna Be   Howard Beware   I Against Osbourne   I Am The Walrus   I Can't Stay Awake   I Don't Wanna   I Dream Of Jesus   I Hate Myself   I Hate You, I Love You   I Hear Your Name   I Started To Hate You   I Tripped Over The Ottoman   I Walk the Thinnest Line   I'm Flying Away   I've Got To Get My Numbers Up   If I Had a Gun   If You Love Somebody, Set Them On Fire   In Praise Of Sha Na Na   Instant Club Hit (You'll Dance To Anything)   Jason's Head   Jellyfish Heaven   Junkie   Khrissy   Labor Day   Land Of The Shakers   Laundromat Song   Leggo My Ego   Let's Get The Baby High   Like To Be Alone   Little Man In My Head   Little Volcano   Lucky   Methodist Coloring Book   Milkmen Stomp   Moron   My Many Smells   Nitro Burning Funny Cars   Nobody Falls Like   Not Crazy   Now Everybody's Me   Now I Wanna Hold Your Dog   Nutrition   Part 3   Peter Bazooka   Plum Dumb   Pretty Music For Pretty People   Punk Rock Girl   Rastabilly   RC's Mom   Right Wing Pigeons   Ringo Buys a Rifle   Rock 'n' Roll Queen (Originally By Mott The Hoople...   Rocketship   Ronald Reagan Killed The Black Dahlia   Sarah Jean   Serrated Edge   Shaft in Greenland   Shapes Of Things (originally by The Yardbirds)   Silly Dreams   Six Days   Somewhere Over Antarctica   Song For Michael's Pipe   South Bound Saurez (originally by Led Zeppelin)   South Bound Suarez   Spit Sink   Sri Lanka Sex Hotel   Streetlamps - Walking To Work   Stuart   Stupid Mary Anne   Surfin' Cow   Swampland Of Desire   Swordfish   Swordfish (Inc. Instant Club Hit Medley Thing)   Tacoland   Take Me Apart   Take Me To The Specialist   Takin' Retards To The Zoo   The Badger Song   The Big Sleazy   The Blues Song   The Conspiracy Song   The Fez   The Fez (Live version)   The Girl With The Strong Arm   The Great Boston Molasses Flood   The Guitar Song   The Infant Of Prague Customized My Van   The Man Who Rides The Bus   The Pit   The Puking Song   The Secret of Life   The Sun Turns Our Patio Into A Lifeless Hell   The Thing That Only Eats Hippies   The Woman Who Was Also A Mongoose   Tiny Town   Train I Ride   Two Feet Off The Ground   V.F.W.   Vince Lombardi Service Center   Violent School   Watching Scotty Die   Welcome To Undertown   When I Get To Heaven   Where The Tarantula Lives   Wonderfully Colored Plastic War Toys

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