(This is a song about how sad I amGet on my level, MadisonJust picture a depressed onion cutting himself)I met a homeless man named Rich (he wasn't)Isn't that terribleI saw a flyer for a lost dog and the dog didn't have any legsI saw a diabetic kid trick or treatingI saw a giraffe who had a short neckThat was sad, or a deerI saw an old man get hit by a trainHe didn't see it in the pouring rainHe didn't hear me shout look out for the trainCause I didn't say anything(I just thought to myself 'ooh, this is gonna be sad.' And it was. I'm a genius.)I saw a man with only one eye in a 3D movieI saw a little boy drop his ice cream cone directly on his mother's corpseI saw a kitten stuck in a tree, then the kitten jumped and he hung himselfI saw a kid who had red hairI went to a store looking for something to buyBut they only sold paintings of the same sad guyNo wait, this store sells mirrorsSee what I did there?Let's rock!NoThe world's so sad, MadisonPain, war, genocide, racism, sexismBut I gotta remember there's good things about it tooLike the fact that none of that's happening to me (Score!)Still though, it's hard not to be sad about itHow do y'all do it?I've been telling you guys terribly sad things this whole song, you haven't been sad at allYou've been happy, no, you've been laughingThats it, laughter, it's the key to everythingIts the way to solve all the sadness in the worldI mean, not for people that are actually sad, but for the people like us who have to fucking deal with them all the timeBeing a comedian isnt being an insensitive prick capitalizing on the most animalistic impulses of the public, it's being a hero!The world isn't sad. The world's funny! I get it now! I'm a sociopath!I saw an old man slip and fallWhat a fucking idiotI saw a woman at her daughters funeralHahaha! Classic comedy!Everything that once was sad is somehow funny nowThe Holocaust and 9/11?That shit's funny 24/7 cause tragedy will be exclusively joked aboutBecause my empathy is bumming me outGoodbye sadness!Hello jokes
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