Opposite Day
TISM

There's seven different movies at the city multiplex;
Let's both not go to school today and give the brain a rest -
You can't say missing one day could be taken seriously -
You can be sure that no-one will tell either families.
She thought about it for a while, then let go her old school bag;
O.K, she told him, I'm with you. Both teachers said: Let's wag.

That day Constable Harrison was browsing city streets;
He walked along commandingly up and down Swanston Street.
A skateboarding kid flew right down the railings of St Paul's;
Filthy move, said Con. Harrison, But, ah oh - duty calls.
He walked right into Brashes and walked out suspiciously.
Here, he told the skateboarding kid, just flogged you this C.D.

The kid just pushed his dreadlocks back and looked up in surprise -
All he saw was a drug crazed stare deep in the policeman's eyes:
I'm disappointed in you, dude, the skater told the cop:
If we all had your attitude, it would be just great - not.
I'm gonna let you off this once, but just you look out, son.
Next time I'll call the cops, my boy. Like, I care, said Harrison.

Harrison at the city looked - these were the real clean streets:
Gangs of polite teenagers played rap songs like Help da Police;
The new gardens were growing where the casino once stood,
The trains, they ran bang smack on time, and people thought they would;
Husbands sat in discrete cafes and flirted with their wives;
I'll give you head, all girlfriends said; Don't worry, said the guys.

The skater got back on his board, and rode off carefully;
Behind a fence two teachers hid, so that he couldn't see;
Satan's spawn! one teacher said, that was a year nine kid!
The one I caught just yesterday repairing his desk lid.
He didn't see, the other said, thank god that we weren't sprung.
I hope I die before I'm him - who'd wanna be that young?

Somewhere a distant song did play, the number one chart track.
That's TISM, said one teacher - then: I hate that mainstream crap.
Give me Billy Joel any day - TISM's just for fathers.
They're so ugly I think they should start wearing balaclavas.
(And so it is that even in a world where hot is cold
It seems that teachers still listen to a turd like Billy Joel.)

Harrison saw them both and said Shouldn't you be at school?
Yeah, that's right cop, both of them said, and Harrison said: Cool.
Got any dope? the policeman said, and then he looked disgusted,
'Cos both teachers admitted Nope. That's right, folks - they're busted.
I'm taking a dim view of this. The teachers' faces paled.
(They wouldn've been in trouble with a cop from New South Wales.)

I'm taking you back home right now - don't dare not call me pig -
And you can explain why you were caught drug free to your kids.
I hope this is a lesson that all of you understand:
Wag school, and the next thing you know, you're in paddie van.
You can imagine, I suppose, the scene in the kitchen -
The teenage sons and daughters weep, the teachers think, Bitchin'

What's become of our social state, when it has come to this?
A teenage child just can't control their folks' rebelliousness?
Later that night the youngest child sat reading in her bed
(Don't stay up late she told her mum) and to her self she said:
I've heard that once in primary school they had Opposite Day,
Where what you said and what you meant both went two different ways.

So if you liked someone you said I think you really suck,
Then said On opposite day! - that meant they were in luck.
But imagine if this happened not just in primary school,
And everywhere and everyone followed this kiddie rule!
Imagine an opposite world, though it is hard to do -
Newspapers for illiterates! Leaders say untruths!

The best people this world ignores whilst the brats it coddles;
Rockstars are seen as serious - also supermodels;
In this world the actors would be treated as if they're kings,
And ordinary folks would just be like anonymous nothings.
The little girl put down her book, and rest her sleepy head.
But that world could never exist. Thank you, Satan, she said.


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Lyrics by TISM

  (He'll Never Be An) Ol' Man River   (I Think I’ve Got) Mick Jagger Worked Out   (There's Gonna Be) Sex Tonite   40 Years - Then Death   A Face Full Of Divertamenti   Abscess Makes The Heart Grow Fonder   All Homeboys Are Dickheads   All Ordinaries Index   Anarchy Means Crossing When It Says 'Don't Walk'   Aussiemandias   Babies Bite Back   Bash This Up Your Ginger   Been Caught Wankin'   BFW   Bishop = Handjob   Boot Party   Channel Turd   Choose Bad Smack   Come Back DJ, Your Record Is Scratched   Dazed And Confucious   Death Death Death   Death Death Death (Live at the Old Greek Theatre)   Defecate On My Face   Defecate On My Face (Country Version)   Defecate On My Face (MGF Remix)   Denial Works For Me   Dicktatorship   Doug Parkinson Sings Christie Allen   Dumb 'N' Base   Eckermann Is Very Silly   Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me   Existentialtism   Ezra Pound, Axe-King   Father And Son   Five Yards   Fourteen Years In Rowville   Fuck ’Em Fuck ’Em - The Lot Of â€...   Garbage   Gas! Gas! - An Ecstasy Of Fumbling   Get Thee In My Behind, Satan   Get Thee To A Nunnery   Gimme Gimme Nervous Breakdown   Give Up For Australia   Great Expectorations   Greg! The Stop Sign!!   Honk If You Love Fred Durst   I Don't Want TISM, I Want A Girlfriend   I Drive A Truck   I Shit Me   I'll 'Ave Ya   I'm Interested In Apathy   I’m Gonna Sit Right Down And Whittle Away M...   I’m Into Led Zep   If You Ever Hear His Name, Harden Not Your Arterie...   If You're Creative, Get Stuffed   If You're Not Famous At Fourteen, You're Finished   If You’re Ugly, Forget It   Jack Elliot's Turf Whinge   Johnny To B. Or Not To B. Goode   Julius Seizure (Act III Scene II Verses 73-118)   Jung Talent Time   Kate - Fischer Of Men   Kevin Borich Expressionism Part 1   Kevin Borich Expressionism Part 2   Kevin Borich Expressionism Part 4   Kill Americans   Kill Yourself Now And Avoid The Rush   Ladies And Gentlemen - The Judeo-Christian Ethic   Leo’s Toltoy   Let's Form A Company   Let’s Club It To Death   Life Kills   Lillee Caught Dilley Bowled Milli Vanilli   Lose Your Delusion I   Lose Your Delusion II   Loser, Losing, Lost   Martin Scorsese Is Really Quite A Jovial Fellow   Michael Jackson’s Conveyor Belt   Mistah Eliot - He Wanker   Morrison Hostel   Mourningtown Ride   Mr. Ches Baragwanath, State Auditor-General   My Brilliant Huntington's Chorea   My Generation   Neighbours - Everybody Loves Good Neighbours   Never Mind The Bollocks, Here’s The House O...   Play Mistral For Me   Professor Derrida Deconstructs   Pus   Pus Of The Dead   Rebel Without A Paunch   Recorded By JJJ, 24/1/93, Melbourne Showgrounds   Root   Saturday Night Palsy   Schoolies Week   Strictly Loungeroom   Take Your Love   Ten Points For A Razor Scooter   The Back Upon Which Jezza Jumped   The Ballad Of John Bonham's Coke Roadie   The Ballad Of The Semitic Nazi   The Fosters Car Park Boogie   The Last Australian Guitar Hero   The Men's Room   The Mordialloc Rd. Duplicator   The Mystery Of The Artist Explained   The Only Thing Stopping Me From Being Happy Is Tha...   The Parable Of Glenn McGrath's Haircut   The TISM Boat Hire Offer   The TISM Nightsoil Cart And Horse Blues   There’s More Men In Children Than Wisdom Kn...   Thou Shalt Not Britney Spear   Thunderbirds Are Coming Out   Volare   We Are The Champignons   Whatareya?   While My Catarrh Gently Weeps   Whinge Rock   Would The Last Person To Leave Please Turn Out The...   X-Treme Sports Can Kiss My Arse   Yob

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