The Only Thing Stopping Me From Being Happy Is That I’m Not More Depressed
TISM

I been listenin' to silverchair, now I wish I was a freak;
Been readin' The River Ophelia - I'd love a masochistic streak;
But I am just a normal guy - I even use capital S -
Why, I'd rather tell the papers that I secretly cross-dress;
Women Who Run With Men Who Hate Wolves just left me unimpressed -
I'm sure that I'd be happier if I could be more depressed.

To get anywhere these days it seems a problem's a necessity;
Your father's gay; heroin's passe - just another fashion accessory;
I tried Recovered Memory, but that put me in a bind
Cos I became hypnotically aware my Dad was really kind.
You might have once been traumatized, but we're not all similarly blessed -
I'm sure that I'd be happier if I could be more depressed.

I went along to the Men's Movement - Stop crying, girl, they'd shout;
Steve Biddulph, who wrote that Manhood book, got up and punched my lights out;
I went along to the women's room, but all I did was get it wrong -
I told 'em Smack Your Bitch Up was my current favorite song;
But the Prodigy are so confronting, I tried vainly to protest:
I'm sure that I'd be happier if I could be more depressed.

I lied to the Gambling Help Line, said I'd made my family poor -
When I asked what chance recovery, they offered me nine to four;
I rang that Alan Jones guy up, but he couldn't help me either:
You a battler or a bludger? he said - it turns out, I was neither!
Come back when you're a stereotype if you wanna be in the press.
I'm sure that I'd be happier if I could be more depressed.

Finally I told the wife the reason I'd been so undemanding,
And what was worse, she took it well, and was totally understanding;
Those self-destructing relationships are simply too much fuss:
Whose Afraid of Virginia Woolf? Well, I gotta say, not us -
Would you believe I like my kids? Can you get more mentally messed?
I'm sure that I'd be happier if I could be more depressed.

Why is it just so hard for me to take things way too far?
I'd like to travel beyond good and evil, but first I gotta wash the car;
I'd like to get a nipple ring and connect it to my dodger,
But somehow it just don't suit a bloke whose name is plain old Roger-
I'd be a member of the underclass, but they'd laugh at how I dressed:
I'm sure that I'd be happier if I could be more depressed.

So it looks like I got to give up my dream of joining the Bad Seeds -
Those guys can't handle confronting concepts, like thanks and please
Sneaking 16 things in the 12 Items Only aisle will be my biggest sin;
It's the shopping center of modern consciousness that I will stay trapped in -
I buy my junk from off the streets - I find The Trading Post's the best:
I'm sure that I'd be happier if I could be more depressed.

I just know I can't be creative. Why? I'm not depressed enough -
Yet I wish I was the guy who wrote: If you're creative - get stuffed.
There's a competition going to have the most painful lives,
But the pain you feel from nine to five I guess don't qualify.
Your life might be miserable, but that don't stop your art from being crappier:
I'm sure that I would be more depressed if I wasn't happier.


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Lyrics by TISM

  (He'll Never Be An) Ol' Man River   (I Think I’ve Got) Mick Jagger Worked Out   (There's Gonna Be) Sex Tonite   40 Years - Then Death   A Face Full Of Divertamenti   Abscess Makes The Heart Grow Fonder   All Homeboys Are Dickheads   All Ordinaries Index   Anarchy Means Crossing When It Says 'Don't Walk'   Aussiemandias   Babies Bite Back   Bash This Up Your Ginger   Been Caught Wankin'   BFW   Bishop = Handjob   Boot Party   Channel Turd   Choose Bad Smack   Come Back DJ, Your Record Is Scratched   Dazed And Confucious   Death Death Death   Death Death Death (Live at the Old Greek Theatre)   Defecate On My Face   Defecate On My Face (Country Version)   Defecate On My Face (MGF Remix)   Denial Works For Me   Dicktatorship   Doug Parkinson Sings Christie Allen   Dumb 'N' Base   Eckermann Is Very Silly   Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me   Existentialtism   Ezra Pound, Axe-King   Father And Son   Five Yards   Fourteen Years In Rowville   Fuck ’Em Fuck ’Em - The Lot Of â€...   Garbage   Gas! Gas! - An Ecstasy Of Fumbling   Get Thee In My Behind, Satan   Get Thee To A Nunnery   Gimme Gimme Nervous Breakdown   Give Up For Australia   Great Expectorations   Greg! The Stop Sign!!   Honk If You Love Fred Durst   I Don't Want TISM, I Want A Girlfriend   I Drive A Truck   I Shit Me   I'll 'Ave Ya   I'm Interested In Apathy   I’m Gonna Sit Right Down And Whittle Away M...   I’m Into Led Zep   If You Ever Hear His Name, Harden Not Your Arterie...   If You're Creative, Get Stuffed   If You're Not Famous At Fourteen, You're Finished   If You’re Ugly, Forget It   Jack Elliot's Turf Whinge   Johnny To B. Or Not To B. Goode   Julius Seizure (Act III Scene II Verses 73-118)   Jung Talent Time   Kate - Fischer Of Men   Kevin Borich Expressionism Part 1   Kevin Borich Expressionism Part 2   Kevin Borich Expressionism Part 4   Kill Americans   Kill Yourself Now And Avoid The Rush   Ladies And Gentlemen - The Judeo-Christian Ethic   Leo’s Toltoy   Let's Form A Company   Let’s Club It To Death   Life Kills   Lillee Caught Dilley Bowled Milli Vanilli   Lose Your Delusion I   Lose Your Delusion II   Loser, Losing, Lost   Martin Scorsese Is Really Quite A Jovial Fellow   Michael Jackson’s Conveyor Belt   Mistah Eliot - He Wanker   Morrison Hostel   Mourningtown Ride   Mr. Ches Baragwanath, State Auditor-General   My Brilliant Huntington's Chorea   My Generation   Neighbours - Everybody Loves Good Neighbours   Never Mind The Bollocks, Here’s The House O...   Opposite Day   Play Mistral For Me   Professor Derrida Deconstructs   Pus   Pus Of The Dead   Rebel Without A Paunch   Recorded By JJJ, 24/1/93, Melbourne Showgrounds   Root   Saturday Night Palsy   Schoolies Week   Strictly Loungeroom   Take Your Love   Ten Points For A Razor Scooter   The Back Upon Which Jezza Jumped   The Ballad Of John Bonham's Coke Roadie   The Ballad Of The Semitic Nazi   The Fosters Car Park Boogie   The Last Australian Guitar Hero   The Men's Room   The Mordialloc Rd. Duplicator   The Mystery Of The Artist Explained   The Parable Of Glenn McGrath's Haircut   The TISM Boat Hire Offer   The TISM Nightsoil Cart And Horse Blues   There’s More Men In Children Than Wisdom Kn...   Thou Shalt Not Britney Spear   Thunderbirds Are Coming Out   Volare   We Are The Champignons   Whatareya?   While My Catarrh Gently Weeps   Whinge Rock   Would The Last Person To Leave Please Turn Out The...   X-Treme Sports Can Kiss My Arse   Yob

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