One of four...
My name is Ian Mathias Bavitz
I was born in 1-9-7-6 at Syosset Hospital located in Long Island, New York
I am 6 foot 4, I weigh 2-0-0 pounds
I have brown hair and green eyes
I enjoy writing songs, painting, movies and diner food
I have two brothers, Chris and Graham
and two parents, Paul and Jameija
In August of 2-0-0-1 I went crazy
This was originally not for public consumption
This was made for four people...four people that literally saved my life
They know who they are...
And ahh...I mean I could live to be a thousand years old and never repay them
I don't think this song would pay for them
But hopefully by putting it out it'll push the thank you a little further...
This ain't a burner for the whips (no it isn't)
This ain't even Aesop Rock fly earthworm demeanor (no it isn't)
My name is Ian Mathias Bavitz and I was born in Long Island, New York
Seventy-Six, before Graham and after Chris...OK
In August of 2001 my seemingly splinter-proof brain-bone scaffolding imploded.
I kept it on the hush, but nearly tumbling to the cold hard concrete on mere bodega trips for cigarettes and soda shook me to Casper.
Dizzy with a nausea chaser, motor sensory eraser, agoraphobe tunnel-vision, guilt, self-loathing arrangement rose rapidly out of a bog I'd never fished in.
That abates three separate foreign meds while I was used to hook-line-and-sinker simple fission.
Simple, primitive, self-taught easing of soul, mind and body,
but the symptoms rejected my caveman Modus Operandi.
So now it's one fish belly up through medicated mileage
And shrinks that get $250 an hour for awkward silence.
And I'd be lying if I said all of this made even the slightest fragment of sense to me, that's real.
Simply put, I don't know what happened or what's still happening.
I literally feel like I'm teetering on the blunt edge of my sanity.
JAMIE, I killed the robots and I'm sorry
Broke down in front of you, embarrassed
But you lent a heart and hand that only you could
You're one of my best friends and yes I'd take that bullet for you,
That's my word, which is about all I have left
TONY, I know you know I'm crazy, 'cause you told me
But that didn't ever bother you
I hold you as my brother 'til death
And I got your back if ever the drunk goblin step
For makin' a cat laugh when I was walking with the dead
KATHERINE, mother figure, older sister, concerned beyond limits
Letting me know I wasn't the only one with this
Continuous offers for vacation, Chicago visits
Talked me through repair of a head full of broken pistons
RIYAH, for the late night movie rentals and the company I needed
And you knew it but I just wouldn't admit it
You listened to me blab about my issues for hours
Offer incredible advice, gave me a hug when I was finished
Am I a jack of all trades?
Nope...I like to write songs though
Are they good? I dunno..
But I can tell you that I only write shit down when I believe it
So take this how you want, but know I mean it.
I want you all to know that I'm scared out my fuckin' crooked soul
And never faced a monster like the last few months ever in my whole life
I wish I could explain this better... (I can't)
But the pieces won't formulate into anything even close to cohesive
So I guess this is my feeble way to thank you
Four soldiers that extended something sacred out of the purity of kindness
I owe you all my life and please don't argue with that statement
'Cause without y'all I may not have a life to offer; take it.
Thank you.
I wish I could explain this better. (Thank you)
I'm sorry for burdening your pleasures. (Thank you)
I love you all with all that's left of me... (Thank you)
For helping try to kill what made a mess of me. (Thank you)
Somehow, someway... (Thank you)
I'ma get you back someday. (Thank you)
Just gotta figure this all out... So..
I guess it is kind of funny when you look at it from a step back
How one man can literally buckle under the same pressures other men operate normally under
I have scoped this out from all angles, multiple times
I have been over everything in my head 'till I can't think anymore
But I guess sometimes when you can't breathe there are people there
to breathe for you
I am lucky enough to have those people around me
Thank you for helping me to not die
Thank you for helping me to not die.
Pocket full of pennies and a soul gone tilt
Cockpit full of memories and a drain full of guilt