Never Tasted Tears (Poem)
Emilie Autumn

I’ve never tasted tears like these beforenAnd though they are the saddest I have knownnTheir simple cause is none but one of joynFor now it seems I may not be alonenUpon this earth as I have been ‘til nownA truly unexpected twist of fatenFor I had given up on everyonenEspecially myself, and thought it latenToo late for any soul to cast a linenHis hook would hit the ice and snap in twonBut someone blew a kiss and with his breathnUnfroze what ne’er a roaring fire could donAn angel now is mine and from the startnI knew that I was bound to let him innBut while I smile I weep because I knownThat something ends so that this can beginnGod, what a fool am I, or am I wise?nFor years have I kept hidden in my heartnThe name of one who never had been morenBut whom I wrote about and set apartnFrom other men, though never did I tellnMy feelings, nay, but used him as a musenAn inspiration, something to adorenBut rarely did I think on what I’d losenIf ever my affections were replacednBy someone living, breathing, warm and realnFor while I pledged my life to him in songnThe same for me I knew he did not feelnIf I could tell the truth, I’d say I plannednTo go on in this fashion for all timenI didn’t care he couldn’t care for menAs long as I could own him in each rhymenAnd have someone to think about each nightnWhen torment after torment wracked my soulnTo writhe in sorrow, bathe in pain’s delightnTo fill my pages was my only goalnUntil the day I dared to call it lovenFor this love was the only I had knownnAnd somehow I could keep the rest awaynFor in my mind I never was alonenAnd being thus in love, though with a specter,nI never did expect, nor wish, nor carenTo take another in that holy placenThough in my mind I knew no one was therenYay, in my mind, but not so in my soulnI loved, I swear I loved, else why this painnWhen of my will I opened up the doornAnd swept the space where I swore he’d remainnAnd something dies within me as I sweepnAs something new is born in every tearnPast years of memories I long to keepnA future that I both long for and fearnThere really was no question when it camenThis shooting star, both fire and gentlenessnWho never gave me time to make my choicenBut made my will his own with each caressnFor once and only once I did not thinknWhere I should feel and for that I was proudnBut it was one thing to enact the partnAnd something else to say the word aloudnFor once I had, I felt a shadow fadenWhich over me had hung for all these yearsnAnd no true loss in all the world could matchnThe sense of someone passing with my tearsnI hadn’t known ‘til then how lost I wasnEnveloped in this mist of my designnSo much of me my muse had thus becomenThat in my eyes no star was seen to shinenUnless it bore some of my phantom’s lightnOr carried strains of music in the beamsnUntil my soul was open to the viewnNo man could enter, except in my dreamsnIt’s over now and I am not afraidnI know full well what I am meant to donBut late at night when I recall my musenI cry for us as though he ever knewnThat I had waited years to hear my namenOnce spoken as it should have always beennI’d wait there still but someone real appearednAnd stole the heart no man could hope to winnIf to my muse I’d ever said hellonIt might not hurt this much to say goodbyenBut there is something tragic in this scenenWhich may appear as joyous to the eyenOf anyone who witnesses myselfnBound in the arms and lips of my new friendnCompleted in a way I’ve never beennAnd healing wounds I thought would never mendnThe truth that shattered my realitynThe soul I dreamed but never thought I’d meetnAnd now I don’t look back except in dreamsnYet when I do the pain is always sweetnFor only pain can show me who I wasnAnd from that girl to me how much I’ve grownnI’ve never tasted tears like these beforenAnd yes, they are the saddest I have known

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Lyrics by Emilie Autumn

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