Wood Chopper 2: Streets of Fear
Fourth Grade Security Risk

I don't know what I was gonna donbut now I figured out what I'm gonna donI was gonna chop some woodnbut now my plans have changednthis day is very strangenit changed my whole perspectiventhis day is very differentnI don't know what everything that happened in it meantnI went to Kentucky Fried ChickennI walked into their kitchennthey didn't want me back there, they said I was just a customernbut that's not why I went there, I didn't want to buy anything.nI just wanted to chop some more wood, some more wood.nI don't know why they wouldn't let me in there, or in there.nHey, an elf busted up a cop.nPlay in traffic with Ben Affleck.nFruit stand! Fruit stand!nThere was a fruit stand in the middle of a garden.nI didn't understand why, 'cause it was only Bush Gardens which is a semi-local amusement park.nIt's not like the fruit was grown there, 'cause they would just have roller coasters instead of fruit.nAnd they weren't selling roller coasters at that fruit stand.nAnhaueser Bush owns Bush Gardens.nMake me cry.nAudio cassette tapes, they go snap in my tape player 'cause the motor is so bad.nIt's the worst one that I ever had, the worst experience of my later--more recent years.nEvery time I brush my teeth I cannot help but fall asleep.nEvery time I brush my teeth I cannot help but fall asleep.nI don't understand why, but I'm standing looking in the mirror, and in the corner of the bathroom there's a spider.nEvery time I brush my teeth I cannot help but fall asleep.nEvery time I brush my teeth I cannot help but own a jeep.nEvery time I fall asleep I cannot help but kill a sheep,nand everyone is happy.nNinjas on my roof, they are living proofnthat this whole life is a spoof of the cosmic cube.nThat doesn't rhyme with f.nThen I got a plan, how I would heal the world, all the boys and girls.nBuy a chocolate bar. You cannot go farnwithout another chocolate bar in your pants that'll meltnand you can't wash your pants with any other clothes.n'cause it might stain them all.nYou don't know if your pants are even salvageablenso why would you try? Why would I?nI know that I sure would notnI once constructed a bridge in a past life, it went over a rivernwhich was really stupidnbecause they tried to put train tracks underneath itnbut the train just sunk but it had nothing to do with my architectural careerrearnI just said careernCan you shake it, can you shake it, can you shake your ass real fast?nCan you shake it, can you shake it, I don't even know why I asked.nYou're just a lost cause for shaking your booty.nMy cat is sniffing my hand, I think she just wants my attention.nPee in the sink. Pee in the sink.nWhat would you think if you saw me pee in the sink?nI'm sorry misses Johnsen, we had to sacrifice your sonnfor the sake of everyone left in the worldnwe traded him to the aliens for their promise that they wouldn't attack us.nOf course we know how that turned out, they attacked us anyway.nI guess shows that you can't trust an alien you've never met before.nWhy did I even try to bargain with those aliens?nNow we're all dead except your son, misses Johnsen, he's still with the aliens.nSo I guess he is the only one that lived from the planet earth.nEven little animals and insects and fish they are all dead because the aliens could not tellnwho was the smartest, who was in charge of our planet.nYou really can't blame them.nI like to chop the wood, I just wish there'd been a better waynthan what happened today.nIt was a miserable failure.nSo when you go to sleep tonight,njust remember that we didn't go down without a fight.nEveryone is chopping wood.nIt's a wood chopping party.nJust close your eyes and you will findnthere was no better waynthan what happened today.nI never even checked in with you afterward.nWhat was the final word? Was this whole thing absurd?nOr did you throw a monkey turd through the ceilingnaccidentally murdering your upstairs neighbor as the turd penetrated his skull but not in the same way as it would be if it was from a skull fucknit's not that sort of penetrationnhe really diednhe fell to the floor and the blood drained from his skullnon to your own carpet and you saw the leaknand you called the man and he came out and he clogged the leaknbut no one ever found out that you had killed your neighbornso there was never a funeral no one even callednfrom where he guy used to work because he was such a jerknand I don't know what else I could say about him.nI guess this is the closest he'll ever have to a eulogy.nThat poor bastard was never really well liked.nI didn't like him either.nChopping wood, chopping wood, chopping wood is such a fun thing to do.nChopping wood, chopping wood, chopping wood is so good.nChopping wood, chopping wood is better than shopping for any sort of canned goods or dry goods, chopping wood.nChopping wood, chopping wood, chopping wood, won't you join me?nChopping wood, chopping wood, join me and be free.nChopping wood, chopping wood, chopping wood, chopping wood.nI don't think that the department store could have ever charged a dollar more for everything we were here forn'cause everything was for another purpose than the one we originally intended.nwe made an event out of it.nChopping wood, chopping wood in aisle threenChopping wood, chopping wood from you to menChopping wood, chopping wood in aisle twonChopping wood, chopping wood I like when younChop that wood, chop that wood in aisle onenChopping wood, chopping wood now wasn't that fun?nChopping wood, chopping wood, chopping wood, chopping wood.

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