LyricMeaning

The Wife of Bath's Tale
Baba Brinkman

Back in the days of the dark ages,

When King Arthur made his mark, and courageous

Knights – with tight young pages – embarked

On outrageous quests and fought for ladies’ hearts,

The shady parts among the hills and knolls

Were filled with fairies, elves and trolls,

And dwarves were known to dwell in holes,

And nymphs to succor willing souls.

These thrilling folds, in time, emerged as

Badly out of line with churches,

Which cursed all fairy-kind and purged us,

To cleanse us of our primal urges.

To try and discourage us from growing tense,

The hills were filled with “holy men,”

And now women could lie alone, content

Without the old incubi, only them.


And so it went that from King Arthur’s court,

A strong young warrior marched his horse,

And through the woods he charted his course,

And he met a young girl in the heart of the forest,

And with heartless force, in less than a minute he

Committed an act of criminal obscenity,

And since there was no one else in the vicinity,

No one prevented him from taking her virginity.


This sinister deed was so repugnant,

That the knight was thrown in the castle dungeon

To await judgement, but what should be done with him?

King Arthur favoured capital punishment,

A tactic of governments that live in fear,

But the Queen, Gwenevere, whispered in his ear:

“My Lord, his remorse is not insincere;

I suggest we let the poor kid live a year.

In fact, give him here; let me deal with him.”

And King Arthur granted her appeal, a decision

That revealed he was a man of vision and real wisdom,

That is, a husband able to still listen.


And from his steel prison the knight was brought

To the Queen, who said, “Boy, you’re in a tight spot.

Your guilt is certain, but your life is not.

Your head might head right to the chopping block,

Or you might just walk, and get clemency,

But only if you can tell me what women need.


“Answer me what it is every woman’s tendency

To want, and I’ll suspend sentencing.

Now let your penance bring you some cheer;

Come here again after one year,

And then I want to hear from you some clear

Response; now, I suggest you run, dear.”

And Gwenevere gave him his walking papers,

And the knight thanked her, and set off on this caper

To save his life, and began to talk to his neighbours’

Wives, and got them to list off their favourites,

Like a census taker; he took to the streets,

And spent a year asking every woman he’d meet:

“If you could have just one thing, what would it be?”


But you wouldn’t believe the diversity;

They just couldn’t agree; once asked,

Some said this, and some said that.

They said: confidence, compliments, comfort, class,

Compassion, fashion, or for their passion to come back,


And as the months passed, the knight realized

That he would soon be deceased unless he arrived

At a conclusion, and he badly needed to be advised,

‘Cause with all this confusion he could only theorize,

And he wouldn’t be alive to end the debate;

And after eleven months and twenty-six days,

He still wasn’t sure what he intended to say,

As he headed back to the court to be handed his fate,

And what could stand in his way? On the road home,

The knight ran into an ugly old crone,

Whose face was so wrinkled he thought it had no bones,

And as he passed, she heard a low moan

And asked, “So alone, without any company?

Something’s eating you, boy, anyone can see,

But what could upset someone so young and sweet?

It’s gonna be okay, son; you can come to me

If you need comforting.”


And the knight was so distressed,

That he lowered his defenses and took a load off his chest,

And wept, and told the oldest woman he’d met

The whole messy story of his hopeless quest

And the approach of his death, and when she got the gist

Of his predicament, she said, “Promise me this:

The next thing I ask for, you’ll honestly give,

And I’ll tell you what the answer to your quandary is.”

“As long as I live,” the knight frantically stressed,

“I promise, if I can, I’ll grant your request!”

And with that, she laid the man’s panic to rest,

And taught him the bottom line, the way to answer best

The standing question that had been on his mind:

Like, “how in God’s name do you please womankind?”

The knight had spent a year listening blind

To opinions, and found all women differently inclined.

But when his time was finally expired,

Again the knight stood in the line of fire,

Before the court and Queen, in their fine attire,

And he said, “Strike me dead if you think I’m a liar;

Women desire to have sovereignty

Over their loves, and to have their husbands be

Happy if wives live above them, free.

Now, is there any woman here who doesn’t agree?”



And everyone could see that the knight had it right,

And he didn’t deserve to be sacrificed,

And the Queen was about to give him back his life,

When at that precise moment, that old nasty wife

Who just last night was so happy to save him,

She stood up and smiled with the face of a raisin,

And said, “He just recited the answer I gave him,

Now he owes me a favour, and I’m ready for payment!”


And instead of evasion, the knight cheerfully

Agreed, “Fair is fair, what kind of care do you need?”

And she turned to the Queen and said, “Ooh, he’s very sweet,

And I’ll get all the care I need when he marries me!”

The knight stared in disbelief at the smiling face

Of this tiny old granny of at least ninety-eight,

Whose eye kept climbing his thighs in a slimy way,

And he realized there was no line of escape.

Though he still tried to beg, and barter and plead,

And he offered the deed to his father’s property,

And sobbed, “Take whatever you want, please;

Impoverish me, just let my body go free!”


But it was obvious she needed no persuading;

She said, “Oh baby, you know I’m an old lady,

Decades over eighty; there’s no way you can pay me

Enough, now take me before I go crazy!”

And since there was no debating, the knight refused to get

Too upset, for fear he might lose his head,

And that very same night the “I do’s” were said,

And with the Queen’s blessing the two were wed,

And went straight to their bed and began undressing,

But when his manly flesh felt those wrinkled hands caressing,

The knight decided he just couldn’t stand the rest,

And he cried, “I can’t handle this; it’s scandalous!”

And his wife grinned with lips like an empty cave,

And asked, “Is this how all men behave

On their wedding day, when their lives have been saved

By their wives, and they’ve escaped knives with thin blades?

Other knights have been brave when their freedom’s suspended,

But I can see by your face that you believe I’ve offended

You, though I never intended to; perhaps it can be mended;

Just tell me what I did, and I’ll try to amend it.”

“When this marriage is ended, then I think I’ll be happy!”

Said the knight, “‘Cause you’re low-class, wrinkled and nasty,

The type that would do anything to entrap me!”

And she asked, “Do you really find these things distracting

When we’re interacting?”

“Definitely!”

Said the knight, “How else would you expect it to be?”

And she said, “Then all I ask is that you listen to me,

And we’ll see if after you think differently.

“You’ve given me two reasons why you can’t love me;

You find me disgusting because I’m low-class and ugly;

Well, as for low-class, you can’t rashly judge me;

Class is just something that holds us back, and nothing

Goes bad as fast as the souls of nobility,

“Whose workloads leave them with gold, but no ability

To show compassion, cash but no humility,

“Besides, with the middle-class and upward-mobility,

The only gentility left with any importance

Proceeds from a person’s actions, not their fortunes,

So no more ill-inform class distortions!


“And as for the fact that I’m not exactly gorgeous,

Perhaps you’re just gonna have to be grateful

That you’re in a marriage that you’re actually able

To trust, ‘cause I pretty much have to be faithful;

But if you’d rather have me attractive, just say so,

‘Cause I can magically change to the shape of a blushing

Young maid with a face that’s both graceful and lovely,

But in that case you’ll never be able to trust me.

Would you rather a sexy, disgracefully lusty,

Insatiable slut, finding ways to annoy you,

Who raises up your jealous rage to a boil,

Or would you rather have me this age, and loyal?”


But the knight couldn’t say which would make this enjoyable,

And which would spoil the mood, and he sighed,


“You are truly wise, my toothless bride;

I think you should choose between the two sides,

And I’ll make do with whatever you decide.”

And as soon as the knight let his wife get control

Of his life, and truly decided to let go,

The next moment she changed from a gray, decrepit old

Creature to a young lady with such incredible

Features, the knight was speechless and stood in a trance,

More deeply enchanted each time he took in a glance,

And his wife saw his standing as stiff as a wooden lance,


And said, “Few understand the union of woman and man;

Common sense says we should be treated the same,

But what’s really needed to keep people sane

Is for men to treat women like queens with free domain.

And as soon as you agreed to give me the reigns,

It allowed me to change and become graceful and beautiful

And young, and still remain faithful and dutiful,

‘Cause you’ll never make me behave in an unsuitable

Way, now that you understand the undisputable

Root of all happy relationships!”

And with that she leaned forward and gave him a kiss,

And the knight was bathed in a sense of weightlessness,

And they lived out the rest of their days in bliss.


  Purchase "The Wife of Bath's Tale"   Purchase Entire Album   Email Video to Friends   Play Youtube "The Wife of Bath's Tale" Video   Play Spotify "The Wife of Bath's Tale" Song   View Wikipedia "The Wife of Bath's Tale" Entry   Receive Emails for Future Baba Brinkman Lyrics

Email:

  Link to "The Wife of Bath's Tale"   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Lyrics For You

Loading...

Lyrics by Baba Brinkman

  A Buck and Change (feat. Erica Dee)   Apocalyptic Utopian Dreams In the Western Wilderne...   Art of Seduction (feat. Noa Bodner)   Artificial Selection   Babel   Beowulf   Black-eyed Peas   Blind Faith   Conversation Civilized   Copyridin'   Creationism Is... (Live)   Creationist Cousins   Creationist Cousins 2.0   Creeper (feat. Tia Brazda)   D N A   Darwin's Acid   Darwin's Acid 2.0   David Buss Message   David Sloan Wilson Message   Dead Poets   Dead Poets (Bonus Track)   Do or Die   Don't Sleep With Mean People   Dr. Tatiana   El Plantador   Epilogue   Fame In the Brain   Fatalist   G O C A S E   Genesis   Gilgamesh   Group Selection   Group Selection 2.0   Gutter Green (feat. Aaron Nazrul)   Human Capital   Hypnotize   Hypnotize 2.0   Hypothesis 1 (Creationism)   Hypothesis 2 (Spiritualism)   Hypothesis 3 (Social Constructivism)   Hypothesis 4 (Biological Determinism)   Hypothesis 5 (Evolutionism)   I'm a African   I'm A African 2.0   Induction   Insomnia   Interlude A   Interlude B   John Deere Green   Kalevala   Lit - Hop   Lotus Eaters   Mad Style Disease   Mellow Drama   Merchant   Merchant's Tale   Microphone   Miller's Prologue   Mindstate   Mosquito   Natural Selection   Natural Selection 2.0   No Bugs On Me   Nun's Priest   Nuts and Bolts   Oh No!   Olivia Judson Message   Pagan Party   Paraphrase   Pardoner   Pardoner's Prologue   Parental Investment   Performance, Feedback, Revision   Performance, Feedback, Revision 2.0   Procrastinator   Prologue   Requiem for Heaven (feat. Chantel Upshaw)   Rhyme Renaissance Prologue   Scientist   Seduction   Seven Veils (feat. Miss Cherry OnTop)   Sexual Selection   Sexual Selection 2.0   Sexual Selection Theory (Live)   Shaman   She's Ovulating   Short-Term Mating Dance   Social Contract   Solar Eclipse   Step Inside   Survival of the Fittest   Survival Of The Fittest 2.0   Switch Lanes   Symptom   Textbook   The Evolution of Gayness   The Knight's Tale (Scene 1)   The Knight's Tale (Scene 2)   The Knight's Tale (Scene 3)   The Last Days   The Miller's Tale   The Pardoner's Tale   The Planter's Dilemma   The Rhyme Renaissance   The Road Northwest (feat. Smoky Tiger)   The Vortex   Toxified   Twin Studies   Unity of Common Descent (Live)   Used To Be The Man   Vacuums   Valediction (feat. Aaron Nazrul)   Walk Like An Amoeba   Wannabe G's   Wife of Bath   Wife of Bath's Prologue   Worst Comes to Worst   Worst Comes To Worst 2.0   You Can't See Me

Related Songs

  Countess Erszebeth Nadasdy - Barathrum  Countess Erzebeth Nadasdy - Barathrum  The Gilligan's Island Theme - Bowling For Soup  Gilligans' Island Theme - Bowling For Soup  Gilligans' Island Theme - Bowling For Soup  A Whale of a Tale [From 20,000 Leagues Under the S...  Wheel Of Fortune - Hans Zimmer  Bringing Up Baby - Talulah Gosh!  Consuming Jerusalem - MonumentuM  Gilligan's Island Theme - Bowling For Soup  A Cat With A Tale - Eurythmics  King Night - Salem  Twinkle Way (with Baths) - cokiyu  Little Hours Feat Baths - Flying Lotus  Gilligan's Island Theme Song...  Hudson River - Duke And The King  The Brothers Chastang - Bargain Music  General Hospi-Tale - The Afternoon Delights  Violent - Beth Goulart  Song Of The King - Oscar Hammerstein  Song Of The King - The King And I  Song Of The King - The King And I  302 South Male Avenue - Craig Morgan  302 South Maple Avenue - Craig Morgan  Hole for a Soul - Terrorvision  Advice - Super Daughter  Fairy Tale Hero - Marianne Faithfull  Sounds Expensive - Stephin Merritt  Shame and Scandal - Odetta  An Ordinary Life - Anne Clark  The Sorrowful Wife - Nick Cave & The Bad Seed  Gilligan's Island - TV Theme Songs  Iniuria Palace - Baths  ♥ - Baths  Rain Smell - Baths  Apologetic Shoulder Blades - Baths  Lovely Bloodflow - Baths  Plea - Baths  Departure - Baths  Hall - Baths  Aminals - Baths  Maximalist - Baths  Indoorsy - Baths  Seaside Town - Baths  Pop Song - Baths  Nordic Laurel - Baths  Somerset - Baths  Tatami - Baths  Stupor - Baths  Lovesick Synthetic - Baths  Flux - Baths  Damnation - Baths  The Nothing - Baths  Palatial Disappointment - Baths  Sleepless - Baths  The Water - Baths  Reminiscence - Baths  No Eyes - Baths  No Past Lives - Baths  Incompatible - Baths  Worsening - Baths  Rafting Starlit Everglades - Baths  Thaumas - Baths  Ocean Death - Baths  Orator - Baths  Fade White - Baths  Disorderly - Baths  Earth Death - Baths  Phaedra - Baths  Ossuary - Baths  Ironworks - Baths  Miasma Sky - Baths  Voyeur - Baths  Yawn - Baths  You're My Excuse to Travel - Baths  The Illuminator - Attrition  Ayo Girl - Ludacris  Walk Awhile - Fairport Convention  Eddystone Light - The Brothers Four  May 7, 9: 15 A.M. - Jandek  Poor Tom - Led Zeppelin  Wife Of The Party - Bobby Bare  Wife Of The Party - Norma Jean  Impression of J. Temperance - The Fall  Impression Of J Temperance - Fall  Country House - Blur  The Tale - Ty  Dr. Thomas - Mac Miller  FAIRY TALE HIGH - Donna Summer  Impression Of J Temperance - The Fall  Relate The Tale - King Creosote  Tale Of The Runaways...  The Tale of Europa - The Phenomenauts  Tale Of The Ballydowse - Ballydowse  Tale of the Tongue - Peter Murphy  Leaving Through The Forest Path - Rickie Lee Jones  Slumberdoll - The Autumns  Poor Tom - Adam Selzer  Public Bath - Shonen Knife  Harsh Stone White (Live) - Skinny Puppy  Harsh Stone White - Skinny Puppy  Eels and Cold Baths - Endless Hallway  Boy Is Not A Man - Jon B.  Elvis - The Applemoths  Henny's Song: The Key To My Man - Jimmy Buffett  Wife - Toyah  Wife - Gazette  Wife - Nick Cave  Wife - The Karma Killers  Wife - Nick Cave & The Bad Seed  An Oath Sworn In Bjorgvin - Hades Almighty  An Oath Sworn In Bjorgvin - Hades  Mr. Shuck And Jive - Waylon Jennings  Mr. Shuck and Jive...  Mr. Shuck'n Jive - Art Garfunkel  Mr. Shuck 'n' Jive - Art Garfunkel  Cautionary Tale - Dylan Leblanc  Country - SZA  Day in Hell - Exilia  I Was Born About Ten Thousand Years Ago...  I Was Born About Ten Thousand Years Ago...  Dr. Thomas - Delusional Thomas  The Tale of the Birthing...  Cover - The Lilac Time  Boy Is Not A Man - B Jon  Living A Boy's Adventure Tale - A-ha  Tale of Woe - The Retrosic  Tale Of Fears - Jacobs Dream  Tale Of Revenge - Ensiferum  Tale of Doom - Backwater  Tale of Somberness - Dusk and Darkness  Tale Of Dust - Depresy  Living a Boy's Adventure Tale - A-ha  Burning Embers - Lou Reed  The Rest of Our Lives - JAGGED EDGE  Tale - Crematory  Tale - Ephemera  Tale - Y&T  A Winter's Tale - Moody Blues  A Winter's Tale - Moody Blues  No New Tale to Tell - Love and Rockets  Idiot - Lead Into Gold  Living a Boy's Adventure Tale - a-ha  The Man That Is Me - Croce Jim  FAIRY TALE HIGH (in album Live And More)...  Mexico - Caravan of Thieves  Lipstick On Your Collar - Nerf Herder  Rest Of Our Lives - JAGGED EDGE  A Winter's Tale - David Essex  Country House [Live] - Blur  Rusted Pipe - Various Artists  Steak For Chicken (Acoustic Version)...  Steak For Chicken - The Moldy Peaches  The Walker - Gayngs  All Eyes On Me (Revisiting Cold Blooded)...  Dear & Departed - Blitz Kids  Sucker - Mott The Hoople  Sucker - Ian Hunter  Sucker [Edit][*] - Mott The Hoople  The Tale Of Lonesome Fetter - Black Francis  Faster - Within Temptation  Adultery - Little Comets  Flown the Coop - She Swings, She Sways  12 - Neal Morse  Violent Psalms - Frog Eyes  Conrad - Ben Howard  Tale Spin - TV Theme Songs  Windlake Tale - Kalmah  Dimensions - Freedom Call  Song of the naturalist's wife - Donovan  Ballad of the Soldier's Wife - PJ Harvey  The Wife of Usher's Well - Karine Polwart  The Wife Of Noble Character - Hanover Saints  Song of the Naturalist's Wife - Donovan Leitch  Ballad Of The Soldier's Wife - Coldplay  Ballad Of The Soldier's Wife - Marianne Faithfull  The Wife of Usher's Well - Bellowhead  Balld Of The Soldiers Wife - Caroline Henderson   Tell Tale Signs - Kylie Minogue  A Winters Tale - David Essex  Fairy Tale - Norma Jean  Fairy Tale - Bobby Bare  Struggle Continues - 2Pac  My Tattle Tale - Eddie Cochran  Tale of Two Cities - Mr Hudson  Fairy Tale Of Time - B.J. Thomas  Simon Keeper - The Cowboy Junkies  Simon Keeper - Cowboy Junkies  The Tale of Mr. Morton - Schoolhouse Rock  The Tale Of Two Doves - A Whisper in the Noise  Tale of the Dragon's Defeat - Wavorly  The Tale Of Tam Lin - Bill Jones  Tale Of The Horny Frog - The Flaming Lips  Tale of the Sea Maid - Leaves' Eyes  The Tale of Solomon Snell - Duncan Sheik  The Tale Of Mr Morton - Various Artists  A Tale Of The Moon - Abakus  The Tale of Eleanor Grey - Beholder  A Tale of the Week - Dead Men's Hollow  The Tale Of Opal Dawn - Bryan Scary
  Please consider supporting this site by Clicking Here and Bookmarking whenever you search and shop Amazon. It costs you nothing but it supports us and gives us credit and we appreciate it greatly.