LyricMeaning

The Evolution of Gayness
Baba Brinkman

No homo

Boom bye bye in the batty boy head

No homo and I’m all about my money

The shots fly, now the batty guy lie dead


They say “No homo!” I say “No, homophobe,

Get it straight – it’s in the chromosomes”

They say “But my religion says it’s a sin”

I say “Sell your daughter into slavery then”

They say “It’s unnatural, it makes me uneasy”

I say “Actually it’s found in four-hundred species

“But same-sex mating is an aberration”

Okay then, it’s the evolution of gayness


Natural selection offers explanations for

Every behaviour and complex form

That’s something I often say when I’m on a stage

And people always say “okay, but what about the gays?”

Yup, there’s no exceptions, only limitations

To how much information we’ve accumulated

So far at least on each specific question

The origins of “gayness” is one of the best ones

Twin studies suggests that it’s partially genetic

But if that’s a definite, then how would you spread it?

Ooh, that’s why I love science, ‘cause it loves a mystery

How can you spread a gene that limits your fertility?

Many different threads of evidence are coalescent

But so far it’s just suggestive with no consensus

Still, it kinda illustrates the scientific method

So I’ll break down the top four hypotheses in question


They say “No homo!” I say “No, homophobe,

Get it straight – it’s in the chromosomes”

They say “But my religion says it’s a sin”

I say “Sell your daughter into slavery then”

They say “It’s unnatural, it makes me uneasy”

I say “Actually it’s found in four-hundred species

“But same-sex mating is an aberration”

Okay then, it’s the evolution of gayness


Hypothesis one: gays are a non-reproductive caste

Like we find in termites and naked mole rats

To me though, that doesn’t seem convincing

‘Cause gay people don’t obsessively feed their breeding siblings

Hypothesis two: it’s a social lubricant

That’s used to smooth tension, instead of fighting we smooch with them

You’ll find guy-on-guy and girl-on-girl action

In bonobos and Asian stump-tailed macaques

And it’s a proven tactic, but they’re just bi-sexual

That’s the third hypothesis: that “homo” is side-effectual

Like with albatrosses, the females mate


With each other when there’s not enough males to pull their weight

But it’s not like “they just can’t find a man and get impatient”

They’re fully same-sex mated – males are for insemination

And maybe lesbians who wanted babies made the same

Exception in the days before IVF and turkey basters

And on the flip side, we’ve got the “sneaky males”

In many species some males mimic females

So they can mate without having to compete with the alphas

Who guard females jealously and treat them like they’re helpless

I mean, ‘come on, I know guys who act gay

Until the girls let their guard down, and then they’re like “heeyyy!”

Which may explain why some of the biggest homophobes

Are alpha gorilla types on a testosterone overdose, who say


No homo

Boom bye bye in the batty boy head

No homo and I’m all about my money

The shots fly, now the batty guy lie dead


Hypothesis four tackles pure homosexual bliss

And it mostly consists of genetic tricks

‘Cause some genes are paired up as recessives and dominants

And dominants, by definition, get expressed with prominence

But sometimes you’re better off with both different types

‘Cause it might, for instance, protect you from parasites

So gayness could spread by heterozygote advantage

If it’s connected to some other benefit that’s adaptive

And a similar path would be for it to get expressed

As a massive benefit, but for the opposite sex

If a gene gave males a homosexual proclivity

But it gave females a massive increase in fertility

Then it could spread with ease, and if you raise objections

And say “genetic explanations are so oppressive”

Would it really be so bad if gays were like albinos?

Maybe you see a justification for hate there, but I don’t

The real haters are those who say it's just a simple choice

And preach “rehabilitation,” with their luggage carried by rent boys

If it doesn’t cause harm then it shouldn’t face hatred

So why don’t we just make it 100% okay then?


They say “No homo!” I say “No, homophobe,

Get it straight – it’s in the chromosomes”

They say “But my religion says it’s a sin”

I say “Sell your daughter into slavery then”

They say “It’s unnatural, it makes me uneasy”

I say “Actually it’s found in four-hundred species

“But same-sex mating is an aberration”

Okay then, it’s the evolution of gayness


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Lyrics by Baba Brinkman

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