The Hostess With The Mostes' On The Ball
Irving Berlin

I was born on a thousand acres of Oklahoma land
Nothing grew on the thousand acres for it was gravel and sand
One day father started digging in a field
Hoping to find some soil

He dug and he dug and what do you think?
Oil, oil, oil
The money rolled in and I rolled out with a fortune piled so high
Washington was my destination
And now who am I?

I'm the chosen party giver
For the White House clientele
And they know that I deliver
What it takes to make 'em jell

And in Washington I'm known by one and all
As the hostess with the mostes' on the ball
They could go to Elsa Maxwell
When they had an axe to grind

They could always grind their axe well
At the parties she designed
Now the hatchet grinders all prefer to call
On the hostess with the mostes' on the ball

I've a great big bar and good caviar
Yes, the best that can be found
And a large amount in my bank account
When election time comes 'round

If you're feeling presidential
You can make it, yes, indeed
There are just three things essential
Let me tell you all you need

Is an ounce of wisdom and a pound of gall
And the hostess with the mostes' on the ball

Entertaining vodka drinkers
Is a job they give to me
Making nice guys out of stinkers
Seems to be my cup of tea

What they really need behind the iron wall
Is the hostess with the mostes' on the ball
There's a book of regulations
As to who sits next to who

But there might be complications
When the blue blood's not so blue
So the priestess with the leastes' protocol
Is the hostess with the mostes' on the ball

An Ambassador has just reached the shore
He's a man of many loves
An important gent from the Orient
To be handled with kid gloves

He can come and let his hair down
Have the best time of his life
Even bring his new affair down
Introduce her as his wife

But she mustn't leave her panties in the hall
For the hostess who's the hostess with the mostes' on the ball

I've been highly complimented
And I thank you what is more
You'll be damned well represented
By your new ambassador

For my one ambition is to make them fall
For the hostess with the mostes' on the ball
In the handbag that I'll carry
There's a precious little note

To their highnesses from Harry
Introducing me he wrote:
I'll appreciate a favor large or small
For the hostess with the mostes' on the ball

There'll be no mistakes, I've got what it takes
To make friends across the sea
I'll make being smart an important part
Of my foreign policy

I'll cement our good relations
When I give my first affair
There'll be special invitations
To the Duke and Duchess there

Who's already written asking them to call
Not the priestess with the leastes'
But the hostess who's the hostess with the mostes' on the ball


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Lyrics by Irving Berlin

  A Fella With an Umbrella   A Pretty Girl Is Like A Melody   Abraham   All Alone   All By Myself   All By Myself, song   Always   An Old Fashioned Wedding   Any Bonds Today   Anything You Can Do   Be Careful, It's My Heart   Be Careful, It's My Heart   Blue Skies   Change Partners   Cheek to Cheek   Choreography   Colonel Buffalo Bill   Count Your Blessings (Instead of Sheep)   Crinoline Days   Doin' What Comes Natur'lly   Doin' What Comes Natur'lly   Easter Parade   Finale   Gee I Wish I Was Back in the Army   Get Thee Behind Me Satan   Get Thee Behind Me Satan   God Bless America   Happy Holiday   Heat Wave   How About Me?   How Blue the Night [From Four Jills In A Jeep]   How Can I Change My Luck   How Deep is The Ocean   How Deep Is the Ocean?   How Deep Is the Ocean?, song   How Many Times?   How's Chances?   How's Chances?   I Don't Wanna Be Married ( I Just Wanna Be Friends...   I Got Lost in His Arms   I Got The Sun In The Morning   I Love a Piano   I Never Had A Chance   I Used to Be Color Blind   I'll Share It All With You   I'm A Bad Bad Man   I'm An Indian Too   I'm Putting All My Eggs in One Basket   I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm   I'll Share It All With You   I'm A Bad Bad Man   I'm An Indian Too   I'm Putting All My Eggs In One Basket   I've Got My Love To Keep Me Warm   If You Believe   Isn't This a Lovely Day   Isn't This A Lovely Day   It Only Happens when I Dance With You   It's a Lovely Day Today   It's a Lovely Day Tomorrow   It's A Lovely Day Today   It's A Lovely Day Tomorrow   Just One Way to Say I Love You   Lazy   Lazy, song   Let Yourself Go   Let's Face The Music & Dance   Let's Face The Music And Dance   Let's Have Another Cup O' Coffee   Let's Take an Old Fashioned Walk   Let's Face The Music And Dance   Let's Take An Old Fashioned Walk   Louisiana Purchase   Mandy   Mandy [#]   Mandy [From This Is the Army]   Manhattan Madness   Marie   Marie [Instrumental]   Maybe It's Because   Maybe It's Because   Moonshine Lullaby   My Defenses Are Down   No Strings   Now It Can Be Told   Oh How I Hate to Get Up in the Morning   Oh How That German Could Love!   Oh, How I Hate To Get Up In The Morning   Old Fashioned Wedding   Outside Of That I Love You   Play a Simple Melody   Puttin' on The Ritz   Puttin' On The Ritz   Reaching for The Moon   Remember   Remember, song   Russian Lullaby   Say It Isn't So   Say It Isn't So   Sisters   Sisters, Sisters   Slumming on Park Avenue   Snow   Soft Lights And Sweet Music   Someday I'm Going To Kill The Bugler   Song Of Freedom   Steppin' Out With My Baby   Steppin' Out With My Baby   Supper Time   Suppertime   The Girl That I Marry   The Hostess With The Mostes' On The Ball   The Old Man   The Song is Ended   The Song Is Ended, song   There's No Business Like Show Business   There's No Business Like Show Business   They Say It's Wonderful   They Say It's Wonderful   This Is The Army Mister Jones   This is the Army Mr. Jones   This Year's Kisses   This Year's Kisses   Top Hat, White Tie and Tails   Top Hat, White Tie, & Tails   Top Hat, White Tie, And Tails   Two Cheers Instead Of Three   What Can You Do With a General   What Chance Have I With Love?   What'll I Do   What'll I Do   When I Lost You   When I Lost You, song   White Christmas   Who Do You Love, I Hope   With You   You Can Have Him   You Can't Brush Me Off   You Can't Get a Man With a Gun   You Can't Brush Me Off   You Can't Get A Man With A Gun   You Keep Coming Back Like a Song   You're Easy to Dance With   You're Laughing at Me   You're Lonely and I'm Lonely   You're Easy To Dance With   You're Laughing At Me   You're Lonely And I'm Lonely

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