Four and twenty virgins came down from Inverness,
When the ball was over, there were four and twenty less.
Chorus
Balls to your partner, Arse against the wall
If you canna get on a Saturday night
You canna get at all
The bride was in the bedroom, a talking to the groom,
The front! the front!! And not the back's the entrance to the womb.
Chorus
The queen was in the parlor, eatin' bread and honey,
The king was in the chambermaid, and she was in the money!
Chorus
The deacon's wife, well she was there, with her butt against the wall,
Put your money on the counter boys, I'm gonna convert you all.
Chorus
There was in the kitchen and on the stones,
Ya' couldna hear the music for the and the groans.
Chorus
The village butcher he was there, a cleaver in his hand,
And every time he turned around, he circumcised the band.
Chorus
The village blacksmith, he was there, his balls were made of brass,
And when they clacked together, lightning shot out from his ass.
Chorus
Cedric the Fiddler, he was there, 'tis true I tell you so,
He entertained the ladies while he rosined up his bow.
Chorus
Hawke the Balladeer was there, drunken as a lout,
Strummin' on his instrument to see what would cum out.
Chorus
The village chandler, he was there, filling in the cracks,
His hand was in the honey comb, his wick was in the wax.
Chorus
Some horny Vikings they were there, along with Eric the Red,
They wore their horns inside their pants, instead of on their heads.
Chorus
The Clan MacRaven, they were there, all around the keep,
They ate up all the haggis, and they buggered all the sheep.
Chorus
The letter carrier he was there, the poor man had the pox,
He couldna the lassies, so he the letter box.
Chorus
The village cripple, he was there, I did not like him much,
He lined them up against the wall, and with his crutch.
Chorus
The village drunkard, he was there, boisterous and loud,
He was swinging from the chandelier and whizzin' on the crowd.
Chorus
The village idiot he was there, can you imagine that?
Amusing himself by abusing himself and catchin' it in his hat.
Chorus
The village she was there, she ,
and every time she , closed the door.
Chorus
When the ball was over, everyone confessed,
The music was exquisite, but the f**kin' was the best.
Chorus
Chorus
The Ball of Ballinor
Bedlam Bards
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Lyrics by Bedlam Bards
Amarillis' Secret Autumn in Asheville [Instrumental] Ballad of Joss Bards Introduction Bedlam Boys (BearDance) Bell Bottom Trousers Big Damn Heroes [Instrumental] Big Damn Trilogy [Instrumental] Campbell's Farewell to Red Gap/Newcastle Come to the Dance [Instrumental] Crayfish Dachshunds with Erections Don't Pet the Dog Done the Impossible [Instrumental] Has Anybody Seen My Cock? Hero of Canton Johnny Jump UP Kilkelly (Cedric's Farewell) Leaf On the Wind MacPherson's Farewell Maids, When You're Young, Never Wed an Old Man O Lassie, Come Beat Me Oh, How the Money Rolls In On the Drift Queen of Argyle Return to Ballinor Sail the Sky Sail the Sky [Instrumental] Saint Brendan's Fair Isle (Slocket Light) Scottish Shepherd Supersadomasochisticnecrobestiality The Drunken Virgin Jig Set The Scotsman/Donald, Where's Your Trousers The Vicar and the Frog Theme Song Parody Titillating Riddle Whiskey In the Jar Why Paddy's Not at Work Today Wild Rover (Bill Palmer's Version) Wind and Rain Wish I Were Single Zulaika/Romantanask
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