[Lovett]There was this barber and his wifeAnd he was beautifulA proper artist with a knifeBut they transported him for lifeAnd he was beautiful!{spoken} Barker, his name was. Benjamin Barker.[Todd] Transported... What was his crime?[Lovett] FoolishnessHe had this wife, y'seePretty little thingSilly little nitHad her chance for the moon on a stringPoor thing! Poor thing!There were these two, y'seeWanted her like madOne of 'em a judge, other one his beadle!Everyday they'd nudge and they'd wheedle!Stil she wouldn't budge from her needle!Too bad, pure thing!So they merely shipped the poor blighter off south, they didLeaving her with nothing 'cept grief and a year-old kid!Did she use her head even then? Oh, no! God forbid!Poor fool!Ah, but there was worse yet to come, poor thing...{spoken} Johanna. That was the baby's name. Pretty, little Johanna.[Todd] Go on.[Lovett] My, you do like a good story, don't you?Well, Beadle calls on her all politePoor thing, poor thingThe judge, he tells her is all contriteHe blames himself for her dreadful plightShe must come straight to his house tonightPoor thing, poor thing!Of course when she goes there,Poor thing, poor thing,They're 'aving this ball all in masks.There's no one she knows there,Poor dear, poor thing.She wanders tormented and drinks, poor thing!The judge has repented, she thinks, poor thing!Oh where is Judge Turpin? she asks...He was there alrightOnly not so contrite!She wasn't no match for such craft, y'see,And everyone thought it so droll.They figured she had to be daft, y'see,So all of them stood there and laughed, y'see!Poor soul!Poor thing!
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