i never held a funeral for that big part of me that died.ni need to put these thoughts to rest. i need to find a peace of mind.ni need to piece my mind, find a piece of mind to rest in.nneed to find someone to confide in, and with the rest i need to start restin'.nneedless to say, i couldn't hide.nfifteen grown men shouldn't cry.nnhad i known then what i know now.nhad i thought now what i knew then...ni might still be humannwith all the little stupid fix-ins.nas i fix sins and vixens vick souls,nstitch clothes for the characters they play then switch roles.nnail me to the cross dress.nthe holy cloth costs less.ni'd toss lessnif i still had your soft breasts to rest my head on.nsince you've been gone,ni recalled my issues with problems and hatenbut i can't exactly remember the model or make.nnow glass bottles break in my death grip.ni'm about to take the next quick exit and end this head trip.nmy bed's stripped of its blankets, comforters, pillows and sheets,nbut i might have to peel off all my skin to remove your scent in order to sleep.nni had my highs and lows.nwhen on top, i let you peek out over my nose.nsitting on my shoulders and i suppose if i had a backbone,nyou might still be here.nmy skin is filthy...nfrom my lows when you weren't there. but to keep from feeling guilty,ni collected the dirt (collected the dirt)...kept it piling up.nnow mr. feel nothing saves his tears inside of a cupnand he drinks (and he drinks). and he forgets that he's an asshole.njealous of his ghosts and doubts he even has a soul.nnmy secret pleasures have my inner demons gossiping.ni'm a ghost writer for the horrorcore lyrics my personal monsters sing.nni'm sitting in a stranger's tub...nwith all my clothes on...shivering...considering the dangers of love.nnthey get half of what i have to give...if that.nit's all about the packaging. they're distracted by the gift rap.nnpredictable. easy to manipulate.nthey're foreshadow puppets and i'm waiting for their strings to break.nnthe pillars that once held up my halfway house have been taken out.ni'm in my last days now.nthere's a change coming soon.ni just want to crawl back into my mother's womb.ni need a comfort zone,nbut obviously i need to find another homento call my own...and always return tonand i want it to be you (i want it to be you).nni sit and stare, zone out, think a lot and never sleep,ncreating memories to remember and then i forget to eat.nwent to the street you used to live on, staring at the bedroom window of your old homenwith puppy eyes...waiting for god to throw me a bone.nni'd settle for one more goodbye kiss while i settle for less.ni'm unsettled at best. sulking while abandoning settlements.ninsulting my companions intelligence...conversing with baby talk.npracticing mind games. rehearsing with playful thought.nnit's the way we fought that made my blood bubble then turn cold,nwhen you made me walk through rain and mud puddles on a dirt road.nit left me so messy,nforget me...not.nni've got more mud to sling...nnshot.nthrough the heart, and your to blame, you give love a bad name.