J.C. Cohen
Allan Sherman

Listen all you children to my sad refrain
About a subway conductor on a runaway train
Squeezing people into cars, he won his fame
And John Charles Cohen was the great man's name

J. C. Cohen, what a great conductor
IRT that's a subway line
And if you gotta travel uptown
He's a greater conductor than Leonard Bernstein

'Twas on a Sunday in the summer and from everywhere
People planned to take a subway to the World's Fair
A half a million people tried to push and jar
All of them determined to get in one car

But the IRT depended on their finest men
J. C. Cohen could pack a subway like a sardine can
He pushed the people up and back and 'round about
He squeezed so many in he squeezed the engineer out

J. C. Cohen, what a great conductor
How he'd moan, step to the rear
J. C. Cohen, he really had a problem
On a subway train without an engineer

J. C. tried to get into the engineer's place
But when he look inside the cab, he saw a strange man's face
A half pint drunk with a full pint bottle
He emptied out the bottle and he yelled, full throttle

They passed Columbus Circle doing 82
A couple minutes later they were under Bronx Zoo
J. C. shuddered and he said, I guess
This used to be a local but it's now an Express

J. C. Cohen, what a great conductor
Kept his head when everyone was tense
He said, When we pass the city limits
Everybody pays another fifteen cents

J. C. said, We're heading north, my friends
But not a man alive knows where the subway ends
The train went under Albany at 90 flat
And Governor Rockefeller hollered, What was that?

A lady said to J. C. Cohen with indignation
If this is Albany then you have passed my station
So either you should take me back to fifty ninth Street
Or ask one of these gentlemen to give me his seat

J. C. Cohen, what a great conductor
J. C. Cohen noticed something odd
When he saw lobsters on the roadbed
He said, I got a feeling we're beneath Cape Cod

Oh well, the train kept speeding to the north my friends
Finally came to where the tunnel ends
When they came up to the surface from the long, long hole
They were twenty seven inches from the great North Pole

J. C. hollered, Everybody out
This is the end of the line beyond the shadow of a doubt
They went out to get some fresh air and before they took a whiff
Cohen and all the passengers were frozen stiff

J. C. Cohen, what a great conductor
Bless his soul, he ran out of luck
J. C. Cohen, he was really frozen
And he had to be brought home in a Good Humor truck

When they told Mrs. Cohen that she'd lost her man
She said, Must you interrupt me when I'm playing Pan?
Then she said to her partner, Mrs. R. J. Rosen
Cohen was a lovely husband but he's no good frozen

Then she went to her little boy and took his hand
And she said, I'm going to take you out to Disneyland
So Melvin, little darling, don't you weep or wail
'Cause you got another papa on the monorail
Got another papa on the monorail


  Purchase "J.C. Cohen"   Purchase Entire Album   Email Video to Friends   Play Youtube "J.C. Cohen" Video   Play Spotify "J.C. Cohen" Song   View Wikipedia "J.C. Cohen" Entry   Receive Emails for Future Allan Sherman Lyrics

Email:

  Link to "J.C. Cohen"   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Lyrics For You

Loading...

Lyrics by Allan Sherman

  \   A Few Words About The Chinese New Year   A Song Written By Elizabeth Taylor   A Waste Of Money   Al 'N Yetta   Al N' Yetta   America's a Nice Italian Name   America's a Nice Italian Name   America's A Nice Italian Name   An Average Song   Around The World   Around The World (Parody Of Around The World In 8 ...   Automation   Barry Is The Baby's Name   Beautiful Teamsters   Bye Bye Blumberg   Call Me   Change Partners   Chim Chim Cheree   Choped Liver (Parody Of Moon River)   Crazy Downtown   Dodgin' The Draft   Down The Drain   Eight Foot Two, Solid Blue   Frank Cooper   Go to Sleep, Paul Revere!   Good Advice   Green Stamps   Grow, Mrs. Goldfarb   Hail to Thee, Fat Person   Harvey & Sheila   Harvey and Sheila   Headaches   Headaches (Childish Remarks By Tom Greenleigh)   Hello Muddah - Nevada Style   Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah   Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (A Letter from Camp)   Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (A Letter from Camp)   Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (A Letter from Camp)   Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (A Letter from Camp)   Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh (A Letter From Camp)   Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh! (a Letter From Camp)   Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh! (A Letter from Camp) [...   Here's To The Crabgrass   Holiday for States   How Are Things With Uncle Morris (Parody Of How Ar...   How Deep Is A Birdbath (Parody Of How Deep Is The ...   How Van Nuys Got Its Name   Hungarian Goulash No. 5   I Can't Dance   I See Bones   If I Could Play Piano   If I Were A Tishman   In Which I Finally Admit That I Won World War II S...   It's a Most Unusual Play   It's a Most Unusual Play   It's a Most Unusual Play   It's a Most Unusual Play   J C Cohen   J. C. Cohen   Jump Down, Spin Around (Pick a Dress o' Cotton)   Jump Down, Spin Around (Pick a Dress o' Cotton)   Jump Down, Spin Around (Pick a Dress o' Cotton)   Jump Down, Spin Around (Pick a Dress o' Cotton)   Kiss Of Myer   Little Butterball   Lotsa Luck   Me   Mexican Hat Dance   Mononucleosis   My Aunt Minnie   My Son, the Vampire   My Son, the Vampire [Single Version]   My Zelda   Night and Day (With Punctuation Marks)   No One's Perfect   No One's Perfect   No One's Perfect   No One's Perfect   Oh Boy   Ollawood!   Ollawoot (Parody Of Camelot)   One For My Sadie (And One For Two Cents Plain) (Pa...   One Hippopotami   Overweight People   Peyton Place, U.S.A.   Pills   Plan Ahead   Pop Hates the Beatles   Rat Fink   Return to Camp Granada   Ride Of Paul Revere   Sam You Made the Pants Too Long   Sarah Jackman   Scotch And/Or Water   Second Hand Nose   Secret Code   Seltzer Boy   Seventy-Six Sol Cohens   Shake Hands With Your Uncle Max   Shine On Harvey Bloom   Shine on, Harvey Bloom   Shticks and Stones   Shticks Of One And Half A Dozen Of The Other   Signs   Sir Greenbaum's Madrigal   Sir Greenbaum's Madrigal   Sir Greenbaum's Madrigal   Sir Greenbaum's Madrigal   Skin   Small World   Smog Gets In Your Eyes   Sorry 'Bout That   Spanish Flea   Strange Things In My Soup   Streets Of Miami   Sue Me (feat. Debbie Reynolds)   Taking Lessons   That Old Back Scratcher   The Ballad Of Harry Lewis   The Bronx Bird Watcher   The Drinking Man's Diet   The Drop-Outs March   The Laarge Daark Aardvark Song   The Learner's Brassiere   The Let's All Call Up AT And T And Protest To The ...   The Painless Dentist Song   The Rebel   The Streets Of Miami   The Twelve Days Of Christmas   The Twelve Gifts of Christmas   There Is Nothing Like A Lox   There's a New Kid in Town   There's No Governor Like Our New Governor   There's No Governor Like Our New Governor   There's No Governor Like Our New Governor   Togetherness   Turn Back the Clock   Warning To Those Who Have A Low Threshold Of Sex   Westchester Hadassah   When I Was a Lad   When You Walk Through The Bronx   Won't You Come Home, Disraeli   You Need an Analyst   You Went The Wrong Way, Old King Louie   You're Getting to Be a Rabbit With Me   You’re The Top   Younger Than Springstein (Parody Of Younger Than S...   Your Mother's Here To Stay

Related Songs

  Hosanna - Andrew Lloyd Webber & Tim Rice  Song to J. C. B. - Eric Andersen  Daktari - 10000 Maniacs  Rude Awakening #2 - Creedence Clearwater Revival  Bring It All To Me"(feat. JC from NSync - Blaque  Bring It All To Me (remix) - Blaque  J.C.'s Head On the Cross - Chad VanGaalen  The Playa's Club (feat. Ma-Lik Ahmad, C Stone & Ko...  Yiddisha Professor (23 Nov 1912) - Berlin Irving  Happiest Time of The Year - Helen Love  Postcards From Rome - Josh Joplin  Foxhole J.C. - Silvertide  I Saved Latin - American Nightmare  Cohen Owes Me Ninety-Seven Dollars (1915)...  Science Fiction - Rachel Stamp  Confidence, Cohen - Borderland  Sacha Baron Cohen - Kurt Braunohler  Last Chance (John Cohen) ...  Tar Top - ALABAMA  A Song for Leonard Cohen - Amanda Shires  Westbound Train - Bruno Green  Cohen Talking About His Fedora & Performing On Sta...  Business Is Business (21 Apr 1911) - Berlin Irving  Voice Mail #3 - RENT  The Bells - Leonard Cohen  Winter Lady - Cohen Leonard  Texting Feist - Giant Sand  Untamed Gorilla - J.C.  Trav'lin' All Alone - Billie Holiday  Fire - Leonard Cohen  In My Harem (1 Feb 1913) - Berlin Irving  Field Commander Cohen - Cohen Leonard  The Walls - Leonard Cohen  First Time Ever I Saw Your Face - Glee Cast  Friend to J.C. - Mary Timony  J.C. van Damme - Adi Smolar  Smooth Death - Danielson  Pour De Chiciro - 10000 Maniacs  You Can't Be Mine (and Someone Else's Too)...  YOU CAN'T BE MINE (AND SOMEONE ELSE'S TOO)...  TRAV'LIN' ALL ALONE - Holiday Billie  Whither Thou Goest - Leonard Cohen  Dont Mean Anything - Adam Cohen  It's Just A Thought...  Leonardo Cohen - Roberto Vecchioni  Voice Mail #4 - RENT  Brilliant Light - Hans York  Voice Mail 4 - Various Artists  Hidden Crimes - Gold Kids  My Brand New Bike - Herman Dune  Shadow Of Def - Brave Saint Saturn  Bored Out Of My Mind - Hans York  Hey, That's No Way To Say Goodbye - Cohen Leonard  Sisters Of Mercy - Cohen Leonard  Paper Thin Hotel - Fatima Mansions  Johnsburg, Illinois - Waits Tom  Tower Of Song - Cave Nick  Rock Opera (In the Key of Existential Misery)...  Voice Mail #4 (The Loft. The Phone Rings...)...  Death Of Manolete - 10000 Maniacs  Travelin' Band - Bon Jovi  Solipsism - And Oceans  Je M'appelle J. Cousteau - Gwar  Leonard Cohen's Day Job - Austin Lounge Lizards  Pennyroyal Tea [Single Mix][#] - Nirvana  Pennyroyal Tea - Manic Street Preachers  Pennyroyal Tea - Kristin Hersh  Pennyroyal Tea [Original MTV Version] - Nirvana  Pennyroyal Tea [Single Mix] - Nirvana  Pennyroyal Tea - Nirvana  I Tried To Leave You - Cohen Leonard  The Latin One - 10000 Maniacs  Intro: You Know What's Up! - Krs-One  Sweet Hitch-Hiker - Britny Fox  So Long Marianne - Cohen Leonard  The Broken Ukulele - Tom Brosseau  Iodine - Dallas Crane  Accountancy Shanty - Monty Python  We Told You So - Leonard Cohen  Alan Cohen Speaks - Pete Townshend  Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen) - K. D. Lang  Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen) - K.d. Lang  Field Commander Cohen - Leonard Cohen  Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen) - Safetysuit  Famous Blue Raincoat - Tori Amos  Stories Of The Street - Cohen Leonard  Famous Blue Raincoat - Cohen Leonard  Somebody Else - Big Country  I Know - I Just Don't Care - Neon Horse  Voice Mail 3 - Various Artists  Voice Mail #3 - Original Broadway Cast  Do Dat Thing - Harry Connick, Jr.  Lodi - Tesla  Je M'Appelle J.Cousteau - GWAR  Telephone Love - J.C. Lodge  Over the Rainbow - J.C. Lodge  He Said - J.C. Lodge  Make It up to You - J.C. Lodge  St. Louis Blues - J.C. Higginbotham  When the Saints Go Marching In - J.C. Higginbotham  The Sheik of Araby - J.C. Higginbotham  How High the Moon - J.C. Heard  I Will Always Love You - J.C. Lodge  Looking for Love - J.C. Lodge  Stand by Your Man - J.C. Lodge  I Surrender Dear - J.C. Tans  Osaka Ska [Instrumental] - J.C. Lodge  Dub It [Instrumental] - J.C. Lodge  Shake It - J.C. Chasez  Dear Goodbye - J.C. Chasez  You Ruined Me - J.C. Chasez  Until Yesterday - J.C. Chasez  Blowin' Me Up (With Her Love) - J.C. Chasez  Mercy - J.C. Chasez  Everything You Want - J.C. Chasez  Build My World - J.C. Chasez  Come To Me - J.C. Chasez  Something Special - J.C. Chasez  If You Were My Girl - J.C. Chasez  Right Here (By Your Side) - J.C. Chasez  Drop The Ball - J.C. Chasez  She Got Me - J.C. Chasez  Some girls - J.C. Chasez  One Night Stand - J.C. Chasez  Slept With My Best Friend - J.C. Chasez  100 Ways - J.C. Chasez  All Day Long I Dream About Sex Lyrics...  Always - J.C. Chasez  Give In To Me - J.C. Chasez  Lose Myself - J.C. Chasez  All Day Long I Dream About Sex - J.C. Chasez  Found Somebody Else - Abbe May  Temptation - Waits Tom  You Are Special And You Always Will Be...  Tennessee Waltz - Leonard Cohen  Hallelujah - Yasmin Levy  Teachers - Cohen Leonard  Satellite - Giant Sand  Songwork - Adam Again  EVEN IF YOU WONDER - Earth Wind And Fire  Vera Cruz - Santana  Voice Mail #5 (Various Locations.)...  I Left A Woman Waiting - Cohen Leonard  Heart With No Companion - Cohen Leonard  Who By Fire - Cohen Leonard  Tower of Song - Robert Forster  Tower of Song - Nick Cave  Tower Of Song - Nick Cave & The Bad Seed  Pennyroyal Tea - Hole  Hunter's Lullaby - Leonard Cohen  Straight To the Top (Vegas) - Tom Waits  Straight To the Top (Rhumba) - Tom Waits  Lose Ourselves - Cohen  Moonfall - Cohen  Entrance - Cohen  Nothing At All - Cohen  I Have A Dream - Cohen  Owl Said - Cohen  Stark - Cohen  First Child, Still Life - Cohen  Broken Megaphone - Cohen  Pandora - Cohen  Paper Moon - Cohen  Ghost - Cohen  Cold War Blues - Cohen  Black Cat - Cohen  Straight To The Top (Rhumba) - Waits Tom  Soldier's Things - Waits Tom  The Marriage March - Leonard Cohen  You Know Who I Am - Cohen Leonard  Hunter's Lullaby - Cohen Leonard  Tower of Song (Leonard Cohen cover)...  When You Go To Bed - Stephen Duffy  The Gypsy's Wife - Leonard Cohen  Amazing - Adam Cohen  You Have Loved Enough - Cohen Leonard  The Butcher - Cohen Leonard  Part Of You - Code Red  Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen cover) - Kate Voegele  Suzanne (Leonard Cohen cover) - Grace Read  Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen cover) - Regina Spektor  Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen cover) - Regina Spektor  Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen cover) - Geri X.  Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen cover) - Imogen Heap  Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen cover) - Pedro the Lion  Avalanche (Leonard Cohen cover)...  Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen cover) - Willie Nelson  Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen cover) - Bob Dylan  Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen cover) - Gavin DeGraw  The Chelsea Hotel Oral Sex Song - Jeffrey Lewis  Something To Brag About - George Jones  Play Mistral For Me - TISM  Bird on the Wire [Clyde Auditorium, Glasgow, Scotl...  Want - Rufus Wainwright  I Came So Far For Beauty - Leonard Cohen  Lifes Apart - Hans York  Bird On A Wire (Live) - Joe Cocker  Los Restos Del Naufragio - Enrique Bunbury  Dont Mean Anything - Adam Cohen  Bird On A Wire - Kind Of Like Spitting