When I Was a Lad
Allan Sherman

When I was a lad, I went to Yale

And I knew then that I could never fail

For I studied very hard and furthermore

I polished up the apple for the professor

(He polished up the apple for the professor)


I polished up the apple so frequently

That soon I had a Phi Beta Kappa Key

(He soon had a Phi Beta Kappa key

From polishing the apple very frequently)


On graduation day, I made a stop

At a very exclusive clothing shop

I opened up a charge account and asked them for

The best grade flannel in the clothing store

(The best grade flannel in the clothing store)


That suit was a part of a great intrigue

For it proved I was a member of the Ivy League

(It was part of a great intrigue

For it proved he was a member of the Ivy League)


Then I got a crew cut and a sincere tie

And for my first job I did apply

A job in an advertising agency

Sharpening the pencils of a big VP

(Oh, he honed a lot of pencils for a big VP)


I sharpened all the pencils so pointedly

That now I am a partner in the agency

(He sharpened all the pencils so pointedly

That now he is a member of the agency)


I kept my ears open and my big mouth shut

And I learned all the agency's scuttlebutt

I learned who was going out with whom

And who had the keys to the powder room

(And who had the keys to the powder room)


For the keys to the powder room you see

Is the key to the structure of the agency

(The keys to the powder room is the key

To the structure of the agency)


I worked real hard for the dear old firm

I learned most every advertising term

I said to the men in the dark gray suits

Let's run it up the flagpole and see who salutes

(Let's run it up the flagpole and see who salutes)


I ran it up the flagpole perfectly

So now I am a partner in the agency

(He ran it up the flagpole perfectly

So now he is a partner in the agency)


Now, I have a big office at the end of the hall

With very fancy carpeting from wall to wall

I keep my mouth open and I keep my ears shut

And I've got a little palace in Connecticut

(And he's got a little palace in Connecticut)


So, I thank old Yale, and I thank the Lord

And I also thank my father who was Chairman of the Board

(And he's grateful to his father

Yes, he's grateful to his father

Yes, he's grateful to his father

Who was Chairman of the Board)


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Lyrics by Allan Sherman

  \   A Few Words About The Chinese New Year   A Song Written By Elizabeth Taylor   A Waste Of Money   Al 'N Yetta   Al N' Yetta   America's a Nice Italian Name   America's a Nice Italian Name   America's A Nice Italian Name   An Average Song   Around The World   Around The World (Parody Of Around The World In 8 ...   Automation   Barry Is The Baby's Name   Beautiful Teamsters   Bye Bye Blumberg   Call Me   Change Partners   Chim Chim Cheree   Choped Liver (Parody Of Moon River)   Crazy Downtown   Dodgin' The Draft   Down The Drain   Eight Foot Two, Solid Blue   Frank Cooper   Go to Sleep, Paul Revere!   Good Advice   Green Stamps   Grow, Mrs. Goldfarb   Hail to Thee, Fat Person   Harvey & Sheila   Harvey and Sheila   Headaches   Headaches (Childish Remarks By Tom Greenleigh)   Hello Muddah - Nevada Style   Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah   Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (A Letter from Camp)   Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (A Letter from Camp)   Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (A Letter from Camp)   Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (A Letter from Camp)   Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh (A Letter From Camp)   Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh! (a Letter From Camp)   Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh! (A Letter from Camp) [...   Here's To The Crabgrass   Holiday for States   How Are Things With Uncle Morris (Parody Of How Ar...   How Deep Is A Birdbath (Parody Of How Deep Is The ...   How Van Nuys Got Its Name   Hungarian Goulash No. 5   I Can't Dance   I See Bones   If I Could Play Piano   If I Were A Tishman   In Which I Finally Admit That I Won World War II S...   It's a Most Unusual Play   It's a Most Unusual Play   It's a Most Unusual Play   It's a Most Unusual Play   J C Cohen   J. C. Cohen   J.C. Cohen   Jump Down, Spin Around (Pick a Dress o' Cotton)   Jump Down, Spin Around (Pick a Dress o' Cotton)   Jump Down, Spin Around (Pick a Dress o' Cotton)   Jump Down, Spin Around (Pick a Dress o' Cotton)   Kiss Of Myer   Little Butterball   Lotsa Luck   Me   Mexican Hat Dance   Mononucleosis   My Aunt Minnie   My Son, the Vampire   My Son, the Vampire [Single Version]   My Zelda   Night and Day (With Punctuation Marks)   No One's Perfect   No One's Perfect   No One's Perfect   No One's Perfect   Oh Boy   Ollawood!   Ollawoot (Parody Of Camelot)   One For My Sadie (And One For Two Cents Plain) (Pa...   One Hippopotami   Overweight People   Peyton Place, U.S.A.   Pills   Plan Ahead   Pop Hates the Beatles   Rat Fink   Return to Camp Granada   Ride Of Paul Revere   Sam You Made the Pants Too Long   Sarah Jackman   Scotch And/Or Water   Second Hand Nose   Secret Code   Seltzer Boy   Seventy-Six Sol Cohens   Shake Hands With Your Uncle Max   Shine On Harvey Bloom   Shine on, Harvey Bloom   Shticks and Stones   Shticks Of One And Half A Dozen Of The Other   Signs   Sir Greenbaum's Madrigal   Sir Greenbaum's Madrigal   Sir Greenbaum's Madrigal   Sir Greenbaum's Madrigal   Skin   Small World   Smog Gets In Your Eyes   Sorry 'Bout That   Spanish Flea   Strange Things In My Soup   Streets Of Miami   Sue Me (feat. Debbie Reynolds)   Taking Lessons   That Old Back Scratcher   The Ballad Of Harry Lewis   The Bronx Bird Watcher   The Drinking Man's Diet   The Drop-Outs March   The Laarge Daark Aardvark Song   The Learner's Brassiere   The Let's All Call Up AT And T And Protest To The ...   The Painless Dentist Song   The Rebel   The Streets Of Miami   The Twelve Days Of Christmas   The Twelve Gifts of Christmas   There Is Nothing Like A Lox   There's a New Kid in Town   There's No Governor Like Our New Governor   There's No Governor Like Our New Governor   There's No Governor Like Our New Governor   Togetherness   Turn Back the Clock   Warning To Those Who Have A Low Threshold Of Sex   Westchester Hadassah   When You Walk Through The Bronx   Won't You Come Home, Disraeli   You Need an Analyst   You Went The Wrong Way, Old King Louie   You're Getting to Be a Rabbit With Me   You’re The Top   Younger Than Springstein (Parody Of Younger Than S...   Your Mother's Here To Stay

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