Comic Relief
Bette Midler

Oh God, Oh God, life is real life
Is when you wanna sing Polly-Wally-Doodle all the day,
Well you know, I may well be a sequel to Jaws,
In which a shark is attacked by a great white woman,
Actually I'm not going to do the sequel to Jaws at all,
I'm making the sequel to 'Emanuelle',
I call it 'Temple Emanuelle'. Actually it's not dirty at all,
It's just a lot of kissing and mezzuzas.
And er, one singular sub-plot,
In which a woman who has an un-natural relationship with a Kreplach.
I know there must be one or two of you out there,
Who haven't got the vaguest idea what the hell is a Kreplach,
And to both of you I say,
A Kreplach is a person from Kreplachia,
Which is a very small fishing nation wedged between Estonia and Latvia,
You don't hear from them too much since the iron curtain fell!
But every now and again, one or two Kreplach's manage to escape
But never to Cleveland!

Yes!
Not true!

What?
There we have one Kreplach.
Who one Kreplach that managed to get to Cleveland!
In fact, I venture to say that was the Kreplach that ate Cleveland!
Are you sure!?
No, Belle Barth used to say:
'Shut your hole honey, mines making money!'
Oh!
Ooh, she didn't say that!
I never said that,
I didn't say that,
I never said that!

Oh did you hear the news!?
You haven't heard the news,
I must tell you the news,
I am the harbinger of news here.
I slept with Jack Kennedy

You wanna know what else!?
They slept with Jack Kennedy!
Talk about your bad pigs! Really.

Oh, I'm sorry Girls.
Oh my God,
Oh God,
Oh God,
Alright,
Oh God,
Oh God,
Oh God,
Oh God,
Alright,
Alright,
Alright!

Please forgive me everyone!
Please forgive me!
Just a little yolk,
Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!


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Lyrics by Bette Midler

  "Otto Titsling"   "Together, Wherever we go"   A dream is a wish your heart makes   A Whiter Shade Of Pale   A: Optimistic Voices B: Lullaby Of Broadway   A: Uptown B: Don't Say Nothin' Bad (About My Baby)...   Alabama Song   All I Need Is the Girl   All I need to know   All of a sudden   Alright, Okay, You Win   Am I Blue   As dreams go by   Baby it's cold outside   Baby It's You   Baby It's Cold Outside   Baby June and Her Newsboys   Baby Mine   Baby, It's Cold Outside"(feat. James Caan   Backstage   Bang your Dead!   Be My Baby   Beast of burden   Bed of roses   Bei Mir Bist Du Schon   Bei Mir Bist Du Schu00f6n   Big noise from Winnetka   Big Noise From Winnetka - Divine Madness Version   Big Socks   Big Spender   Big Spender [From Sweet Charity]   Billy - a - Dick   Billy-a-Dick   Birds   Bless You Child   Blueberry Pie   Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy   Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy [Single Version]   Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy Single   bottomless   Boxing   Breaking up somebody's home   Breaking Up Somebody's Home   Buckets Of Rain   Buckets of Rain (With Bob Dylan)   Chapel of Love   Chapel of Love/Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy   Chattanooga Choo Choo   Color Of Roses   Come And Get These Memories   Come back Jimmy Dean   Come On-A My House   Come Rain or Come Shine   Come rain or shine   Concert Monologue   Cool Yule   Coping   Coping (spoken Word)   Cowgirl's Dream   Cowgirl's Dream   Cradle Days   Dainty June And Her Farmboys   Daybreak (Storybook Children)   Daytime Hustler   Delta Dawn   Do You Wanna Dance   Do you wanna dance?   Do You Want To Dance   Do You Want to Dance?   Dreamland   Drinkin' Again   Drinking Again   E Street Shuffle   E Street Shuffle/Summer (The First Time)/Leader of...   E Street Shuffle\/summer (the First Time)\/leader ...   Empty Bed Blues   Every Road Leads Back To You   Every Road Leads To You   Everything's Coming Up Roses   Everythings coming up Roses   Fat as I am!   Favorite waste of time   Fever   Finale: Up The Ladder To The Roof\/boogie Woogie B...   Fire Down below   Firends   Fit As I Am   Folks Who Live On The Hill   For all we know   Fried Eggs   Fried Eggs(spoken word)/Hello in there   Friends   Friends - Alternate   Friends - Oh My MY!   Friends -alternate   Friends (Side 2, Cut 1)   Friends (Side 2, Cut 6)   From a Distance   From A Distance (Christmas Version)   From A Distince   Gift of Love   Give Him A Great Big Kiss   God Give Me Strength   God Give Me Strength [Album Version]   God Help The Outcasts   Hallelujah   Hang on in there Baby   Happiness Is A Thing Called Joe   Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas   Have Yourself A Merry Little Chrsitmas   He Needs Me   He Was Too Good To Me / Since You Stayed Here   He was too good to me/Since you stayed here   He Was Too Good To Me\/since You Stayed Here   He's A Tramp   He's Sure The Boy I Love   He's A Tramp   Heart over head   Heaven   Hello In There   Hey There   Higher & Higher (Your Love Keeps Lifting Me)   Higher & Higher (your Love Keeps Lifting Me)   Higher and Higher   Higher And Higher (Your Love Keeps Lifting Me)   Homecoming Monologue   How Love Moves   Hurricane   Hurry on Down   I believe in you   I Don't Want The Night To End   I Don't Want The Night To End   I know this town   I Know You By Heart   I Love Being Here With You   I Love You   I never talk to strangers   I Put A Spell On You   I remember you   I Remember You / Dixie's Dream"(feat. James Cann   I remember you/ Dixie's dream   I Remember You/ Dixie's Dream   I Remember You/Dixie's Dream   I Remember You\/dixie's Dream   I Shall be released   I sold my heart to the junkman   I think it's going to rain today   I Think It's Going To Rain Today   I'll Be Home For Christmas   I'm A Woman   I'm Beautiful   I'm Beautiful [Danny Tenaglia Continental Club Mix...   I'm Hip   I'm singing Broadway   I've Got My Love To Keep Me Warm   I've Got My Love To Keep You Warm   I've still got my health   I've Still Got My Health [From Beaches]   I'll Be Home For Christmas   I'm A Woman   I'm Beautiful   I'm Hip   I'm Singing Broadway   I've Got My Love To Keep Me Warm   I've Still Got My Health   If Momma Was Married   In my life   In The Cool, Cool, Cool Of The Evening   In the mood   In These Shoes   In These Shoes?   In this life   Intermission: You're Moving out Today   Is it love   Is That All There Is?   It's the Girl   It's too Late   It's Too Late   Just My Imagination   Just My Imagination (Running Away With Me)   Just My Imagination Running Away   Keep on rockin'   Keep On Rockin'   La Vie en Rose   Laughing Matters   Leader of the pack   Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!   Let Me Call You Sweatheart   Let me Call you sweetheart   Let me Drive   Let Me Entertain You   Let me just follow behind   Little Lamb   Long Delta Blues   Long John Blues   Love me with a feeling   Love says it's waiting   Love Says It's Waiting   Love T.K.O.   Love TKO   Lullaby in Blue   Make yourself Comfortable   Mambo Italiano   Manhattan   Marahuana   Marriage, Movies, Madonna And Mick   Marriage, Movies, Madonna, And Mick (spoken Word)   Married Men   May We Entertain You   Mele Kalikimaka   Memories Of You   Merry Christmas   Midnight in Memphis   Millworker   Milworker   Miss Otis Regrets   Moonlight Dancing   Moses   Mr Goldstone   Mr. Goldstone   Mr. Rockefeller   Mr. Sandman   Mr. Wonderful   Mr. Wonderful [From Mr. Wonderful]   Mrrockefeller   Mrwonderful   My eye on you   My Favorite Waste Of Time   My knight in black leather   My mother's eyes   My Mother's Eyes   My one True friend   Nanette   Night and Day   No Jestering   Nobody Else But You   O Come, O Come, Emmanuel   Oh Industry   Oh My My   Old Cape Cod   On A Slow Boat To China   One Fine Day   One For My Baby   One For My Baby (And One For The Road)   One For My Baby (And One More For The Road)   One Monkey don't stop no show   One Monkey Don't Stop No Show   One more round   One True Friend   Only In Maimi   Only in Miami   Optimistic Voices / Lullaby of Broadway   Optimistic Voices\/lullaby Of Broadway   Otto Tisling   Otto Titsling   Otto Tittsling   P.S. I love you   P.si Love You   Paradise   Perfect Isn't Easy   Perfect Isn't Easy   Rain   Ready To Begin Again   Red   Rose   Rose's Turn   Rose's Turn   Say Goodbye to Hollywood   Shining Star   Shiver Me Timbers   Shiver Me Timbers / Samedi Et Vendredi   Shiver Me Timbers/Samedi Et Vendredi   Shiver Me Timbers\/samedi Et Venderedi   Shiver Me Timbers\/Samedi Et Vendredi   Since You Stayed Here   Sisters   Sisters (White Christmas)   Skylark   Small World   Small World"(feat. Peter Reigert   Soda & a Souvenir   Soda and a souvenir   Sold My Soul to Rock 'n Roll   Sold My Soul To Rock 'N' Roll   Sold My Soul to Rock & Roll   Sold my soul to Rock and Roll   Some people   Some People's Lives   Some People's Lives   Something Your Heart Has Been   Somewhere Along the Way   Somewhere In My Memory   Song of Bernadette   Soph   Soph (spoken word)   Spring Can Really Hang You Up The   Spring can really Hang you up the most   Spring Really Can Hang You Up The Most   Stay With me   Stay With Me   Storybook Children   Strangers in the Night   Stuff like that There   Summer   Summer ( The First Time )   Superstar   Superstar   Surabaya Johnny   Taking Aim   Taking Aim (spoken Word)   Talk to me of mendocino   Teach Me Tonight   Tell Him   Tenderly   That's How Heartaches Are Made   That's how love moves   That's How Heartaches Are Made   That's How Love Moves   The Folks Who Live On The Hill   The Gift of Love   The Girl Friend of the Whirling Dervish   The Girl Is on to You   The Girl is one to you   The Glory of love   The Glory of Love [From Beaches]   The hunter gets captured by the game   The last time   The perfect kiss   The Rose   The Rose (Single Mix - Orchestrated Version)   The Rose [From the Rose]   The Rose [LP Version]   The Unfettered Boob (spoken Word)   The Wind Beneath My Wings   This Ole House   Those Wonderful Sophie Tucker Jokes   To comfort you   To deserve you   To Deserve You [Album Version]   Together, Wherever we go   Together, Wherever We Go"(feat. Peter Reigert and ...   Too Many Fish In The Sea   Tragedy   Twisted   Ukelele Lady   Ukulele Lady   Under the Boardwalk   Up the Ladder to the Roof   Up! Up! Up!   Uptown / Don't Say Nothin' Bad (About My Baby) / D...   Uptown/Don't Say Nothin' Bad (About My Baby)/Da Do...   Uptown/Don't say nothing bad about my baby/ - Doo ...   Uptown/Don't Say Nothing Bad About My Baby/Doo Run...   Uptown/don’t Say Nothing Bad About My Baby/ - Do...   Uptown\/don't Say Nothin' Bad (about My Baby)\/doo...   Vickie and Mr. Valves   Vickie Eydie   Viva Las Vegas   Waterfalls   What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?   What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?   When a Man loves a woman   When a Man Loves a Woman [From the Rose]   When Your Life Was Low   When Your Love Was Low   White Christmas   White Christmas (White Christmas)   White Christmas [From White Christmas]   Whose Side Are You On   Whose Side are you on?   Why Bother? (spoken Word)   Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow   Wind Beneath My Wings   Wind Beneath My Wings [From Beaches]   Winter Wonderland   Winter Wonderland \/ Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let...   Yellow beach Umbrella   You can't always get what you want   You Can't Always Get What You Want\/i Shall Be Rel...   You Can't Hurry Love   You Can't Always Get What You Want   You don't know me   You Don't Own Me   You Don't Own Me   You Gotta Get a Gimmick   You'll never get away from me   You'll Never Get Away From Me"(feat. Peter Reigert   You'll Never Know   You're moving out today   Your love keeps liftin me higher

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