A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying
Bloodhound Gang

I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert that night

I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's hump palace lookin' for love

It had been a while, in fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come

And went since that midnight run haulin' hog to shakey town on I-10

I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons

Through a pair of daisy duke cut-offs

And one of those fruit of the loom Tank-tops

Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips

Milky white skin and baby blue eyes, name was Russell

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well, I find it's quite a thrill when she grinds me against her will

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well, faster than you can say, shallow grave

This pretty little thing come up to me

And starts kneadin' my balls like hard boiled eggs in a tube sock

Said her name was Bambi and I said

Well, that's a Coincidence darlin'

'Cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a Deer

Well, she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern

And I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask

As I do my little kooky dance and then she told me to shush

I guess she could sense my desperation

Of course, it's hard to hide a hard-on

When you're dressed like Minnie Pearl

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well I find it's quite a thrill when she grinds me against her will

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make

All my fantasies come true

So I says, Even this one I have where Jesus Christ is Jackhammerin' Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart

As Garth Brooks gives birth to somethin' resemblin' a

Cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?

Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later

I'm parkin' the beef bus in Tuna Town if you know what I mean

Got to nail her back at her trailer

Heh, that rhymes, I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on

When I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well I find it's quite a thrill when she grinds me against her will

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch

Gave the tranny a spin and slid on into the

Stinky pinky gulp n' guzzle big rig snooze-a-stop

There I was browsin' through the latest issue of Throb

When I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of the milk carton

Well, my heart just dropped

So I decided to do what any good Christian would

You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold

A half gallon of moo juice and polish the one-eyed gopher

When your doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler

I never thought missing children could be so sexy

Did I say that out loud?

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well I find it's quite a thrill when she grinds me against her will

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'


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Lyrics by Bloodhound Gang

  10 Coolest Things About New Jersey   A Lap Dance Is So Much Better   A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is...   Along Comes Mary   Altogether Ooky   American Bitches   Asleep At The Wheel   B.H.G.P.S.A.   Ballad of Chasey Lain   Balls Out   Boom   Bumblebees   Cheese Tidbit   Chew Toy   Chew Toy 7"   Clean Up In Aisle Sexy   Coo Coo Ca Choo   David Song   Diarrhea Runs in the Family   Diary Of A Stranger   Dimes   Discovery Channel   Earlameyer The Butt Pirate   Farting With A Walkman On   Fire Water Burn   Fire Water Burn (the Roof Is On Fire)   Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo   Go Down   Going Nowhere Slow   Hell Yeah   I Hope You Die   I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks   I'm The Least You Could Do   Inevitable Return of the Great White Dope   It's Tricky   Its Tricky   Jackass   Just Lose It   K.I.D.S. Incorporated   Kids In America   Kiss Me Where It Smells Funny   Legend In My Spare Time   Lift Your Head Up High   Lift Your Head Up High (and Blow Your Brains Out)   Live at the Apollo   Magna Cum Nada   Mam Say   Mama Say   Mama's Boy   Mope   My Dad Says That's for Pussies   My Dad Says That’s For Pussies   Neighbor Inuasion   Neighbor Invasion   Nightmare At The Apollo   No Hard Feelings   No Rest For The Wicked   Nowhere Slow   One Way   Overheard in a Wawa Parking Lot   Pacman On Crack   Pennsylvania   R.S.V.P.   Ralph Wiggum   Rang Dang   Record Offer   Reflections of Remoh   Right Turn Clyde   Right Turn Klyde   Rip Taylor Is God   Rsvp   Screwing You On the Beach at Night   She Ain't Got No Legs   Shitty Record Offer   Shut Up   Socially Awkward Penguin   Something Diabolical   Strictly for the Tardcore   Take The Long Way Home   That Cough Came With a Prize   The 10 Coolest Things About New Jersey   The Bad Touch   The Ballad Of Chasey Lain   The Ballad of Chasey Lain [The Cousin Mike Video]   The Choice Is Yours   The Cough That Came With A Prize   The Inevitable Return Of The Great White Dope   The Roof is on Fire   The Ten Coolest Things About New Jersey   The Vagina Song   Think Outside the Box   This Is Stupid   Three Point One Four   Turn Clyde   Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss   Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss [Album Version]   Uncool As Me (feat. Joey Fatone)   Unh Tiss Unh Tiss   Unh Tiss Unh Tiss Unh Tiss   We Are The Knuckleheads   We Like Meat   We’re Gonna Bring The Party To You   Why Is Everybody Always Pickin' On Me?   Why's Everybody Always Pickin' On Me   Why's Everybody Always Pickin' On Me?   Yellow Fever   You Are Pretty When I'm Drunk   You're Pretty When I Am Drunk   You're Pretty When I'm Drunk   Your Only Friends Are Make Believe   Your Only Friends Are Make You Believe   Yummie Down On This   Yummy Down On This

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