Woody
Mattress Sale

(Hey man, how about that time in the shower?)
What about that time in the shower?
(I dunno, you tell me)
Okay
Well I, I'm a young guy
And I, I have a roomate
And he, he's a sophomore
But I'm just a freshman. What don't I know?

Someone please can you teach me how to jerk off with the curtains closed!
Someone can you please teach me! My door doesn't have a chain lock!
Someone can you please teach me how to jerk off with my door closed!

My roommate's seen me too many times
He's seen my woody
He's seen me too many times, he's seen my woody
(He liked it)
He doesn't compliment it
He just laughs and says, Lookit that woody

Now someone please teach me how to be cool!
I don't know how.
Someone please teach me how to drink more beer!
I don't know

And all these problems, they keep coming to me
And all these problems, it's all I see
I should be focusing on my grades or chicks
For kicks

But someone please teach me how to jerk off with the curtains closed!
Will someone please teach me how to jerk off with my curtains closed!

My door don't got a lock
My parents came in one day
They didn't call a lot, cuz my phone was off all day
And they came in
and they saw me with my Woody in my hand
And they said, Boy,
Don't play with that gland!

My prostate!

(At least you're not gay)
They don't know that cuz i turned off my computer's monitor before they could see what I was lookin at
(Probably dudes)
Probably dudes
(Would be kinda rude)
Probably dudes
(Little bit lewd)
Probably dudes in some food

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