Talkin' Karate Blues
Townes Van Zandt

by Townes Van Zandt

Well, I ain't very big for twentyone
and it seems I never could have any good clean fun
cause every time I'd go outside some great big bully'd come along
he'd hit me in the face and he'd knock to the ground
and he'd start kickin' me all around
and that ain't exactly fair, friends, that's wrong.

So I got me a paper the other night
and I crawled up on the sofa and I turned on the light
and flipped through the pages till I found the classified ads.
Said, take karate from Lee Hung Chow;
man, make your first appointment now
this course is guaranteed to make you bad.

Well, the next day I drove to the address
by japanese design I was really impressed
it looked like a regular house of the rising sun.
I walked inside, I was all alone
I had a nervous feeling down in my bones
I was kind of sorry I'd ever even come.

Then a giant jap came through the door
he must have been about seven foot four
and he looked like he's prone to easy aggrevation.
He said, Lee Hung Chow, Ah kee dung
that's japanese for fee fie foo fum
I tried to explain my entire situation.

He said, Number one course, yankee, self defence,
twohundred dollars and twentyfive cents;
I said What's the twentyfive cents for? and he said, Repairs.
I said, Repairs to what?, and he said To you
and I thought to myself Man, that won't do
felt about a half inch tall under that ol' slender stare

Ah, you think he was yellow...

I said, I believe I better go check another place
he said, Ha so, Yankee don't like my race
I said, Now, there's a mistake, man, and that's true;
I've been for you you japanese all along
you japanese just can't do no wrong
and I thought you got mighty dirty deal in World War II.

Well, he grabbed me by the hand and gave a heave
I figured there's a pretty good time to leave
before he had a chance to do me any definite harm.
But my plan worked out in the end, you see,
now no bully is gonna pick on me
who's gonna hit a fellow with just one arm?


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Lyrics by Townes Van Zandt

  Still Looking for You   (Quicksilver daydreams of) Maria   A Song For   Ain't Leavin' Your Love   All Your Young Servants   Announcement   At My Window   At My Window [*]   At My Window f\/ Kathy Mattea   Automobile Blues   Be Here To Love Me   Big Country Blues   Billy, Boney & Ma   Billy, Boney and Ma   Black Crow Blues   Blaze's Blues   Blue Ridge Mountains   Blue Wind Blew   Brand New Companion   Brand New Companion [*]   Brother Flower   Brother Flower f\/ Kimmie Rhodes   Buckskin Stallion Blues   Buckskin Stallion Blues [*]   BW Railroad Blues   Catfish Song   Cocaine Blues   Colorado Bound   Colorado Girl   Colorado Girl [Alternate Take][#]   Columbine   Come Tomorrow   Cowboy Junkies Lament   Dead Flowers   Dead flowers (Jagger\/Richards)   Delta Mama Blues   Delta Moma Blues   Diamond Heel Blues   Dollar Bill Blues   Don't Let The Sunshine Fool Ya'   Don't You Take It Too Bad   Dublin Blues   Fare Thee Well, Miss Carousel   FFV   Ffv (Trad.)   Flyin' Shoes   Flying Shoes   Flying Shoes [*]   For The Sake Of The Song   For the Sake of the Song [#]   For the Sake of the Song [Original Version]   Fraternity Blues   Fraulein   Fraulein (L. Williams)   Goin' Down To Memphis   Gone Too Long   Gone, Gone Blues   Greensboro Woman   Gypsy Friday   Heavenly Houseboat Blues   Hey Willie Boy   Hey Willy Boy   High, Low & in Between   High, Low + In Between   High, Low and In Between   Highway Kind   Honky Tonkin'   Honky tonkin' (Hank Williams)   I'll Be Here In The Morning   If I Needed You   If I Needed You [#]   If I Needed You f\/ Emmylou Harris   If I Was Washington   Kathleen   Katie Belle   Katie Belle Blue   Like a Summer Thursday   Little Sundance #2   Loretta   Lover's Lullaby   Lungs   Lungs [*]   Many A Fine A Lady   Many a Fine Lady   Maria   Marie   Marie [*]   Marie [#]   Marie f\/ Willie Nelson   Mr Gold & Mr Mud   Mr Gold And Mr Mud   Mr. Gold and Mr. Mud   Mr. Mudd & Mr. Gold   Mr. Mudd and Mr. Gold   My Proud Mountains   Niles River Blues   Nine Pound Hammer   No Deal   No Lonesome Tune   No Place to Fall   None But The Rain   Nothin'   Old Paint   Only Him or Me   Our Mother the Mountain   Our Mother the Mountain [*]   Pancho & Lefty   Pancho & Lefty (Alternate 1972 Mix Without Strings...   Pancho & Lefty [#]   Pancho & Lefty   Pancho and Lefty   Pancho and Lefty [*]   Poncho & Lefty   Pueblo Waltz   Quicksilver Daydreams of Maria [Original Version]   Rake   Rex's Blues   Sad Cinderella   Sanitarium Blues   Second Lovers Song   She Came And She Touched Me   Shrimp Song   Silver Ships Of Andilar   Sixteen Summers, Fifteen Falls   Snake Mountain Blues   Snake Song   Snow Don't Fall   Snowin On Raton   Snowing on Raton   Squash   St John The Gambler   St. John The Gambler   Standin'   Still Looking For You   Sunshine Boy   Talking Thunderbird Blues   Tecumseh Valley   Tecumseh Valley [Original Version]   The Catfish Song   The Hole   The Hole [*]   The Silver Ships Of Andilar   The Spider Song   The Velvet Voices   To Live is To Fly   Tower Song   Turnstyled, Junkpiled   Two Girls   Two Girls [*]   Two Hands   Upon My Soul   Upon My Soul [*]   Velvet Voices   Waitin' Around to Die   Waiting 'Round to Die   Waiting Around to Die   When He Offers His Hand   When He Offers His Hand   When She Don't Need Me   When Your Dream Lovers Die   Where I Lead Me   White Freight Liner Blues   White Freightliner Blues   Who Do You Love   Why She's Acting This Way   You Are Not Needed Now

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