(Spooky Sound Begins)R: Hey there! Do you like transvestites?!M: Yeah.R: Do you like fishnets?!M: Uh-huh.R: Do you like Tipper Gore?!M: Tss… No.R: Good, cause you won’t find her here! This is the Rocky Horror Picture Show! And for you, it’s only $5! Step right in!M: Thanks.R: Say no more virgin! Now, pull down your pants!(Music Begins)*SFX: Rain, Door*Riff: Hello.Brad: Hi. My name’s Brad Majors. This is my fiancée, Janet Weiss. I was wondering if you might help us.Riff: You’re wet.Janet: Yes… it’s raining.*SFX: Rain, Thunder*Riff: I think perhaps you’d better both… come inside.Wu-Wugga-Woo-WAAAAAAAH! Welcome to the Rocky HorrorPicture Show! Say hello to the freaks and whoresand get popped, ya cherry virgin groupie![F: UHH!] Ohh! [F: UHH!] Ohh! [F: UHH!] Okay, start the movie.Read my lips about an asshole who’s known as Brad.The most uptight juggalo that Denton ever had,and Janet, she’s got a broomstick handle sticking up her butt…*I got it!* [SFX: -pop!] …we call her slut! [M: UHH!]Chucky narrates the story, somewhere near a castle.*Blam!* You know what that means? There went your tire, asshole!Handyman Riff and Domestic Magenta said ‘Heck, we’ll help!’ *Or had they?*Chuck! Bbbb! Where is your neck?!Guess what? We’re all havin’ a party! So take a chance ‘nsee Columbia do a little folk dancin’.Take your clothes off. There’s no need to worry.Oh wait, who’s that? In the lift? Ahh! It’s Tim Curry! (-slam!)*Sample from Shock Treatment*R: Welcome to the Rocky Horror!You’re in for a fright... You’re in for a fright… Come to see Rocky Horror, baby.It will be all right… It will be all right… Welcome to the Rocky Horror, baby.Meet a transvestite... Meet a transvestite… Come to see Rocky Horror, baby.Each Saturday night… Each Saturday night… Welcome to the Rocky Horror, baby.Janet: What kind of place is this?Brad: Ah, It’s probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos. (-slam!)Frank hit the scene like a fairy Fred Estaire.He made a monster who sports golden underwear.He was a tanned and toned blonde by the name of “Rocky.”[Frank: That’s no way for you to be acting on your first day out!] Sorry!Look at Eddie. [M: What?] He thinks that he can kick it.I’mma have to take that meatloaf and pick it! *splak!*Soon it was bedtime, and sorta like Déjà vu,Frank not only did Janet, he did Brad, too!Rocky broke loose, looking for a skank.He touched Janet in the fish tank!If you’re down, shout, “Word to Richard O’Brien!”Brad says “Great Scott”, then T.P. goes a flyin’![Beat Box] – I represent Riff Raff.[Beat Box] – Magenta’s my sis.[Beat Box] – We’re comin’ outta Southwest…[Beat Box] – Denton, Bitch!Dinner? Sure! The whole cast eats at eight.‘Cept Eddie though, ‘cuz he’s sittin’ on your plate.*I knew he was in with a bad crowd…* Who you talkin’ to?Another planet, shmanet, Janet, dammit, AAH, FU- (-slam!)*Sample from Shock Treatment*R: Welcome to the Rocky Horror!You’ll have a good laugh… You’ll have a good laugh… Come to see Rocky Horror, baby.Chillin’ with Riff Raff… Chillin’ with Riff Raff… Welcome to the Rocky Horror, baby.Columbia cried… Columbia cried… Come to see Rocky Horror, baby.When Eddie got fried… When Eddie got fried… Welcome to the Rocky Horror, baby.Janet: Look, I’m cold, I’m frightened, and I’m just plain scared!Brad: I’m here, there’s nothing to worry about. (-slam!)It’s… just… a jump… to the left…Then take a step way over to the right-tah!Put… your… hands… on your hips…Then bring your KNEES in so very tight-tah!Then… it’s… the pel… –vic thrust…It really DRIVES yo-ou insa-ane!Let’s… Do… the Time… Warp!…Slam a can of Faygo – Do the Time Warp again!Luke Ski’s down with the Seduction Production…with Cindi, Zac, and Fanboy [M: What about ‘em?] Nuttin!Frank set the stage. He gave each a feather boa.And together they perform [THE FLOOR SHOW!]Riff and Magenta’s had enough, so they pulled a switch.Will poor Frankie go home? Ha-ha-ha-ha – NO!They took the freak out, and flew the castle home.Run along, stupid bitch, you can’t use the phone! (-slam!)(Music Stops.)R: Don’t let the door hit’cha where Frankfurter did’ja! Bitch! (-slam!)*Sample – End of the Time Warp*
Lyrics by The Great Luke Ski
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