Prime Minister's officePrime Minister speakingGreetings?This is the Secretary of WarAt the State Department of the United States?We have a problemThe companies want something doneAbout this sluggish world economic situation?Profits have been running more than a little thin latelyAnd we, we need to stimulate some growth?Now we know there's an alarminglyHigh number of young people roaming aroundIn your country with nothing to do but stir up troubleFor the police and damage private propertyIt doesn't look like they'll ever get a job?It's about time we did something constructive with these people?We've got thousands of 'em here too, they're crawling all over?The companies think it's time we all sit downHave a serious get-together and start another warThe President? He loves the ideaAll those missiles streaming overhead to and froNapalm? People running down the road, skin on fireThe Soviets seem up for it?The Kremlin's been itching for the real thing for yearsWanna a little going away present for Mr.BreshnevHell, Afghanistan's no fun? So whadya say?We don't even have to win this warWe just wanna cut down on some of this excess populationNow look, just start up a draftDraft as many of those people as you canWe'll call up every last youngster we can get our hands on andGive 'em an hour or two to learn how to use an automatic rifleAnd send 'em on their way? El Salvador?How 'bout Northern Ireland?Or a moderately repressive regime in South America?We'll just cook up a good Soviet threat story in the Middle East?We need that oil?We had Libya all ready to goAnd Colonel Ghadhafi's hit squad didn't even show upI tell ya? That man is unreliableThe Russians had their fingers on the buttonJust like we did for that oneNow just think for a minuteWe can make this war so big, so bigThe more people we kill in this warThe more the economy will prosperWe can get rid of practically everybodyOn your Dole queue, if we plan this rightTake every loafer on Welfare right off our computer rollsNow, don't worry about those demonstratorsJust pump up your drug supplySo many people have hooked themselves onHeroin and Amphetamines since we took overIt's just like VietnamWe had everybody so busy with LSDThey never got too strongKept the war functioning just fine, it's easyWe've got our college kids so interested in beerThey don't even care if we start manufacturing germ bombs againPut a nuclear stockpile in their back yardThey wouldn't even know what it looked likeSo how 'bout it? Look?War is moneyThe arms manufacturers tell meUnless we get our bomb factories up to full productionThe whole economy is going to collapseThe Soviets are in the same boatWe all agree the time has come for the big oneSo what do you say?NothingThat's excellent, we knew you'd agree?The companies will be very pleased
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