Berlin IrvingMiscellaneousI'm Afraid, Pretty Maid, I'm Afraid (6 Feb 1912)[1st verse:]Two old sweethearts met the other dayOn a crowded car and started talkingI'm so glad to see you, said the maidLet's get off the car and do some walkingPardon me, said the fellow with a sighThings that have happen'd don't allowWalks we had in the days gone byAre walks we can't have now[chorus:]I'd like to take you walkingBut I'm afraid, pretty maid, I'm afraidWhat's the good of talkingWhen I'm afraid, pretty maid, I'm afraidI'm married now and my walking days are doneMy wife's right hand weighs a half a tonGee! I'd like to have a little bit of funBut I'm afraid, pretty maid, I'm afraid[2nd verse:]Please don't tempt me, said the married manKnowing that my wife is strong and livelyIf she ever heard about the planShe'd decorate my room with poison ivyYou'd enjoy if I took you out to dineBut then it wouldn't be a jokeI would think of that wife of mineAnd then I know I'd choke[2nd chorus:]I'd like to take you walkingBut I'm afraid, pretty maid, I'm afraidWhat's the good of talkingWhen I'm afraid, pretty maid, I'm afraidMy wife's right hand wears a bunch of pointed ringsAny time she hits, you bet it stingsGee! I'd like to do a lot of thingsBut I'm afraid, pretty maid, I'm afraid[alternate 2nd verse:]I'm so sorry, said the married manI'd enjoy a couple of your kissesBut my wife aims like nobody canAny time she throws she never missesMy wife went to a magic school to learnShe's a magician, never fear!If she knew, I'm afraid she'd turnMy nose into an ear[alternate 2nd chorus:]I'd like to take you walkingBut I'm afraid, pretty maid, I'm afraidWhat's the good of talkingWhen I'm afraid, pretty maid, I'm afraidMy wife believes that a woman shouldn't talkOnly with a poker or a forkGee! I'd like to take you for a walkBut I'm afraid, pretty maid, I'm afraid[alternate 1st verse (double version):]How do, stranger, you're always on the goWell, I must admit that I've been quite a strangerRemember how we flirted years ago?Yes, if we flirted now, we'd only flirt with danger!So let's go where we can have a quiet talkOh, excuse me, I must be on the runNow for old times sake let us take a walkNo, I said it can't be doneWhy?
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