I Think I Might Have Killed the President
Incredibad

It all started last week when I went on a datenShe was beautiful, blonde hair, I picked her up at 8nI decided to take her to a magic shownMy mom said I shouldn't, but what does she know?nA lobster for my lady friend, cooked extra nicenAnd some amaretto afterward would be just rightnThank you, garcon, this is gonna be magnificentnOh, the lights went down, time for the entertainmentnnThe magician took the stage and sawed a lady in halfnI could see her legs, so fake, made me laugh!nThen they asked for a volunteer from the audiencenI hid my face - no way, leave me out of it!nNext thing I know, my girl is volunteering for menShe tells me she thinks Men on stage are really sexy!nSo I play along, and go up on stagenHoping the stunt will get me...You know!nnSo now they want to hypnotize menThey'll ring a bell, and I'll cluck like a turkeynI say Yeah right! Do your best!nThis whole thing's faker than Pam Anderson's chest!nBig laugh from the audience, they loved that jokenThen appeared the hypnotist in a cloud of smokenAt the count of three and the sound of a bellnYou'll close your eyes and be under my spellnnReady, here we go, one, two, three, ding!nI opened my eyes and...Nothing!nBut wherever I looked, the crowd wouldn't stop laughingnWhat had I done to elicit this reaction?nNow hold on, y'all, this is the beginning of our storynAnd I promise later on, it's gonna get gorynSo parents, grab your kids, and tuck them off into bednCause I think I might have killed the President!nnOne week later, I haven't seen the girl sincenAnd I get to school and we're having a field tripnClass participation is a mustnThe sign said Washington, D.C. or bustnFirst thing on the agenda, the reflecting poolnAnd it made me remember that America's pretty coolnThen off to the White House for a special tournOur guide was very knowledgeable in American folklorennShe told us about Lincoln and George WashingtonnAnd even let us go into the room they smoke pipes innTime to go downstairs! she called the elevator upnIt arrived, I heard a DING! I felt my eyes shutnI awoke on the floor, the walls felt all curvynI was soaking wet, and my stomach topsy-turvynI was covered in blood, holding a knife - I dropped itnI looked around, I was in the Oval Office!nnWhat had I done? I couldn't remember a thing!nBut then some memories came back to menI remember finding the President and stabbing him in the necknThen cutting him into little pieces and stuffing him in his desknOh me! Oh my! I didn't mean to!nIt must have been that hypnotist and his evil voodoo!nNow some things are bad, like not paying your rentnBut I think I might have killed the President!nnWell, it's been a year now since that fateful eventnI framed a hobo to take the cops off my scentnAnd every time I hear a bell I stab someone in the facenBut besides that I'd say that everything is going great!nPlease learn from my story, don't be a foolnAnd never let a Communist hypnotize younOr you might...Kill the President!nOut!

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